Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Tuesday's Tears - Case Drama

I have been away from my blog for a couple days due to some work commitments.  I just spent a few (or 60) minutes catching up on my favorite blogs from the past couple days and there are a few themes jumping out at mie, begging mie to write about.

First, for all of you celebrating a 1st, congratulations.  I noticed a few first birthdays and several first anniversaries of placements. 

I also noticed several of you are at the point in your cases where termination is apparently imminent and yet not yet done.  I know you are facing court dates and trials and a lot of uncertainty.  Let mie say that 1 year ago we were there with our sweet #4 - termination was all but certain and yet it felt like an eternity before anything would be final.  Tonight though I sat watching my husband cuddle with his daughter who is so smart and beautiful and now ours.  Finally ours.  Forever.

I pray that all of you who are facing imminent termination and hoping for quick adoptions will receive that blessing soon.  I pray for patience in the wait.

We too have court coming up - tomorrow in fact.  We are not at the point where we're facing termination.  At this point the case is still headed for reunification.  If that is not possible, and there are several indications that it may not be, there is a relative resource that is waiting on the completion of an ICPC. 

We're at the point in this case where the future is completely unknown.  It's too early still to believe that it will turn out with any particular outcome, but none of them appear to be desireable at this point.  Termination is bad for all apparent reasons and yet reunification doesn't bring much promise either.  There are drugs.  Poor parenting.  One parent who has dissappeared and overtly chosen drugs over the kids - I'm sure you can guess which one.  Generational history of abuse and overall poor family influences.  All of which have already and promise to continue to harm my kiddos who deserve so much more.  My kiddos, who love their Mommy S and I know would experience a loss with termination.

The relative resource doesn't promise much either.  First of all, it is a male relative of the parent who has dissapeared.  It's not fair for mie to judge someone I've never met but I'm uncomfortable sending these kiddos to the home of a stranger and because of the relationship with this particular parent there would not be any family continuance, the whole point of relative resource families.  He's far away from the parent who is still in the picture.  I would guess that there wouldn't be any regular contact with her - they'd lose her anyway.  Then there is the fact that this relative is an unmarried male who lives with his (male) partner.  This concerns mie greatly.  Less I be misunderstood, I strongly believe in the nuclear family and the role of a mother and father.  Nevertheless that is not my issue in this particular case.  My concern is that for reasons specific to this case these kiddos are terrified of males.  They have become attached to my husband but the only reason for that is the role I played as a nurturing female enabling them to feel safe and trust my husband because I setup the environment where they first could trust mie as a mother.  I may be completely wrong about the situation but I imagine my sweet kiddos going into a home with two men and not having the mother immediately available to comfort them and show them these men are safe. 

Back to court - tomorrow.  I expect it to be simple.  The longest part of the day will be the drive there and back.  I don't expect a turnover.  I don't expect a change in the plans.  I don't expect a decision on the ICPC.  Nevertheless I know to expect the unexpected and to charish each moment I get with my little kiddos. 

If nothing else, foster parenting teaches us to enjoy and appreciate every moment we have with the kiddos in our lives because time is fleeting and we're not guaranteed another day.

1 comment:

One Blessed Mom said...

I hope all goes well in court. I love the last few few words you wrote. You are sooooo right, we do cherish every single minute with our fosters because we know our time may be limited. Love it! So true:)