Unfortunately, this power struggle is not easily one with 4 kiddos in tow. There is almost always someone challenging the authority. It's not often intentional - they're just being kids and in doing so they manage to test the rules to which mommy has to respond as the always calm, loving, and peace-making enforcer.
Scenario #1 - Logan's the Boss
It seems as if every time I walk out of the room Logan automatically takes charge of the kids, whether or not I asked him to. Typically, this is followed by #9's loud protests..."MOOOMMMMYYYY. Logan told mie to be QUIIIIIEEEET". Whoever said this girl doesn't talk much was clearly mistaken, though I'm glad she talks more than they said she did.
Mie: Logan, you are not the boss. Let mommy be mommy and you be Logan.
L: But mommy, I AM the boss.
Mie: No Logie, you are Logan and you are a great helper to mommy, but I'm in charge.
L: I am not a helper. I am the boss. You are the boss, daddy is the boss, and I am the boss.
Mie: No Logan, sometimes you help us with your brothers and sisters and you are a great big brother, but mommy and daddy are the boss and you are our helper. If you see they are going to hurt themselves and mommy and daddy aren't there I know you will help them be safe, but if you have any other problems with what they are doing or saying you need to tell mommy and daddy and let us handle it.
...walking away to end the conversation that will inevitably continue if I stay put...
L: (From a distance...) But I'm in charge too!
Scenario #'s 2+ - Miss 9's the Boss
I have a feeling #9 had to be mommy sometimes at home. This would be consistent with the case. That being said, her age and situation probably are also contributing to her need to act like mommy in our home. I'm frequently having to handle her intervention into the situation to help her learn that I am mommy and she is not.
#9 - Mooommmy, if Summer gets out of bed she is going to get a spank.
Mie - #9, Summer needs to be in bed. We don't spank you in our home. You will be #9, I will be mommy.
#9 - Moooommmy, if #10 throws his plate on the floor then he won't get anymore.
Mie - Yes sweetheart, that is true. Try to focus on what you do and I will be mommy.
#9 - Mooommmyyy, look what #10 is doing.
Mie - Yes dear, he is playing with the clothes.
#9 - If he plays with the clothes he's going to get a spank.
Mie - No #9, we do not spank #10. It's ok, he can play with the clothes.
#9 - He's going to get in trouble and go in time out.
Mie - No, he's not going to get in trouble, he is fine. You be #9 and I'll be mommy ok.
This can go on and on. Some of it has to do with her processing the rules in our house compared to rules in other homes she's lived in. I think she's also trying to figure out how to handle consistent parenting rather than what I'm going to guess was explosive or inconsistent parenting in the past.
Scenario #3 - Bugs in the house
Apparently there was a problem with insect infestation in #9 and #10's old house. Anytime one sneaks in, or just randomly, I get this:
#9 - Mommy, we don't eat bugs. No. Bugs are not for eating.
And in case you weren't sure that kids pick things up from their parents...
(I write this down to remind MIE sometimes...)
This morning I heard #9 in the other room correcting her brother in my typical fashion.
#9 - #10 ... you MAY NOT pull my hair.
That's how I correct them...you may not play in the toilet...you may not bite...you may not take food without asking for permission first.
It's the little things...
I have a feeling #9 had to be mommy sometimes at home. This would be consistent with the case. That being said, her age and situation probably are also contributing to her need to act like mommy in our home. I'm frequently having to handle her intervention into the situation to help her learn that I am mommy and she is not.
#9 - Mooommmy, if Summer gets out of bed she is going to get a spank.
Mie - #9, Summer needs to be in bed. We don't spank you in our home. You will be #9, I will be mommy.
#9 - Moooommmy, if #10 throws his plate on the floor then he won't get anymore.
Mie - Yes sweetheart, that is true. Try to focus on what you do and I will be mommy.
#9 - Mooommmyyy, look what #10 is doing.
Mie - Yes dear, he is playing with the clothes.
#9 - If he plays with the clothes he's going to get a spank.
Mie - No #9, we do not spank #10. It's ok, he can play with the clothes.
#9 - He's going to get in trouble and go in time out.
Mie - No, he's not going to get in trouble, he is fine. You be #9 and I'll be mommy ok.
This can go on and on. Some of it has to do with her processing the rules in our house compared to rules in other homes she's lived in. I think she's also trying to figure out how to handle consistent parenting rather than what I'm going to guess was explosive or inconsistent parenting in the past.
Scenario #3 - Bugs in the house
Apparently there was a problem with insect infestation in #9 and #10's old house. Anytime one sneaks in, or just randomly, I get this:
#9 - Mommy, we don't eat bugs. No. Bugs are not for eating.
And in case you weren't sure that kids pick things up from their parents...
(I write this down to remind MIE sometimes...)
This morning I heard #9 in the other room correcting her brother in my typical fashion.
#9 - #10 ... you MAY NOT pull my hair.
That's how I correct them...you may not play in the toilet...you may not bite...you may not take food without asking for permission first.
It's the little things...
1 comment:
:) gotta love the little mommies
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