Evan

Now there's Baby Baby, Little Sister, and Summer.  Next in Line is Evan.  Evan is our middle boy, now 7.  He's spunky and wild and nothing really like Logan and Aaron.  He's a spitfire for sure but he's got a heart of gold that's been scarred by repeated rejection.

For the 6 months we tried to get the siblings into our home, while they lived in a shelter, Evan was always held as the reason why they didn't want to rush anything.  He struggled significantly at the shelter and in other locations where CPS saw him.  He was aggressive during visits.  He tried to run away from visits.  He tried to run away after visits, at the shelter.  He screamed and yelled and raged.  CPS (and CASA) seriously questioned whether it was the best option to add 3 kids to our home, making the total kid count 6, given one of them had these more serious behavior challenges.  There were times people would talk and say "he can only go with them IF he stays at a basic level", meaning there was serious talk that they would move him to a moderate level of care due to his behavior.

Evan is the one we all said "didn't have any more moves".  There was serious talk about needing to place him in a residential facility at some point.  He was 5 at the time.

Nothing meant more to me than to have all of my kids together under one roof and to pursue adopting them if reunification couldn't occur.  That being said, honestly, I was scared they would put the kids with us.  I'd faced two RADlets in the past and I knew it was a possibility Evan would face a Reactive Attachment Disorder in the future.  And we'd have 5 other kids to raise, young ones.  I saw the possibility that we'd see all of the things that a kid with RAD could bring in a large family, chaos and harm.  I knew I didn't want to go down that path again.  I knew, especially after visits and overnights and weekends that adding RAD would possibly be the straw that broke the camels back.  We pursued anyway for the sake of all the kids, but I was really nervous.

I also considered what would happen if we didn't fight for them to stay together in our home.  The argument CPS made was "How are you going to handle HIM when you have 6 kids"?  My argument back was "How is a parent with no experience going to handle HIM and 3 others (assuming they didn't have any other kids, therefore no experience) or how is an older parent (whose kids are grown, therefore experience but no other kids) going to be able to have the energy to parent HIM and 3 other young siblings?  In reality, other than separating the kids, there wasn't a great option and we knew we were at least in the running for best chance for everyone.  We had experience.  We were young.  We had resources.  If anyone could do this, we could.

Granted, this is all before Summer began having challenges like she does today.

He was a challenge, but the more time went on the more we realized his aggression and instability was less about chemical imbalance or biological causes and more about the trauma he'd experienced in his young life.  He'd never had a stable environment, learned to act out to get any attention, took the antithetical approach to his sister's need for perfection, and had very little trust that adults would stick around to love him through it.  He missed the familiarity of the chaos he'd had in his former life so he did his best to create it at our home.  He missed his father and cousins and didn't know how to identify that emotion or what to do with it.  Any type of correction sent him into a rage with horrible screaming and flailing.  He'd hurt himself (unintentionally) during the rages and then say stuff indicating we'd hurt him, even if we weren't anywhere around.  He was wild and out-of-control.

Except he wasn't.  He could sometimes control himself, with help.  As we learned more about what he was dealing with inside, we learned we could help him avoid the rage by reassuring him we love him and that we're not going to hurt him.  We did our best to show him we weren't going to leave him or stop loving him when he does something wrong but we weren't going to tolerate it either.  We had a therapist come work with him for a long while.

Slowly but surely he began to turn the corners.  He began to learn to control his emotions a little more like his age should, rather than like a child significantly younger.  They sometimes say a child can get developmentally stuck, especially emotionally, in the age of their trauma and that was true for Evan.  He was 5, then 6 but emotionally he was 3.  Evan was on Risperidone, an anti-psychotic sometimes used to control aggression, when he first came to live with us.  About 8 weeks after coming to live with us we took him off.  He didn't need it.  He needed love, consistency, firmness, and a resolute approach to parenting that said we were here for the long haul and we aren't leaving.

God continues working on him (and us).  He had very challenging behavior in the classroom in Kindergarten.  Some hitting and "kicking under the table" but more not listening or paying attention, goofing off and being a bit of the class clown.  He'd do irritating stuff all the time, like intentionally cutting his uniforms or lying about his lunch to get a different one.  In 1st grade though, a year after being with us, his behavior was completely different.  He still struggled academically in the classroom but he wasn't a behavior problem at all, except some of those irritating things like lying about his lunch.  He was recently diagnosed with ADD and medication was added.  It's worked wonders for him.  It's also opened a door to a wonderful friendship and bond with Logan.  Logan never tolerated his bad behavior.  Where Evan was emotionally 3, Logan is well advanced for his age and just couldn't handle the "weird" stuff Evan did.  This summer though it's different.  They're friends.  They're separated right now (one in CA visiting family) and you can tell how much they miss hanging out with each other.  Logan even cried before leaving "because he was going to miss Evan".

  

  

  

Evan, we love you so much.  You're a survivor.  You've pushed through so much and you're so brave even though you don't really know it yet.  You're incredibly strong and a gifted athlete.  You are silly and have learned to entertain yourself in so many interesting ways!  You love your family and desperately want them to love you back.   I pray that as you grow you  FEEL the love everyone has for you, that you become comfortable in your own skin, proud of who God has made you to be.  You have your own unique talents, gifts, and abilities with a great purpose.  You're loved just for who you are, not only by mie but by your dad and your Heavenly Father as well.  Life is not going to be easy.  Keep trying.  Keep pushing.  You've made such great progress these past 2 years and I'm excited to watch as your journey continues.

Summer

So you've now learned the "real" identity of Baby Baby and Little Sister.  The next in line at our home, youngest to oldest, is Summer.  As a reminder, for those of you new here or at least since her adoption, she was adopted in 2011 after a year+ placement in foster care and is not part of the recent sibling group we adopted in 2014.  Summer has two siblings that do not live with us.  One lives with his biological mother and one lives with his adoptive parents.  We keep in contact with the latter of the two (Hello!).

Summer was a perfectly "normal" child when we adopted her.  (Here's her introduction after adoption day).  She struggled developmentally but only slightly, as if she was always one-small-step behind everyone else.  When she was 2 she struggled with potty training and toddler behaviors (biting, etc.).  When she was 3 and her peers started to develop further, learning critical social skills and starting to mature a bit like preschoolers do, Summer's delays became more pronounced. She did not continue maturing like the other children did.  Her behavior seemed to be the most obvious issue as she was more and more aggressive (or, really, her toddler aggression never stopped), she never sat still, she ran out of the class, and still didn't master potty-training.  She attended a great school that required strict adherence to rules, didn't reward expected behavior, and actually taught the preschoolers.  This was great for our oldest and he excelled here but wasn't working out for Summer.  We withdrew her before she was kicked-out and found a program willing to work with her and her needs.  At the time, Summer was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, all areas, and was "the worst case of sensory defensiveness" the therapist had ever seen.  She attended therapy 2x a week at a fantastic facility at our cost of $160 per week.  It helped, but after a year they acknowledged they felt they'd reached the end of what they could offer her.  By her 5th birthday it was clear Summer was anything but "normal" and parenting her would be (or is, for now) a major challenge.

Summer has been diagnosed with severe disabling ADHD and Cognitive Disorder.  She has been evaluated for High Functioning Autism and her results come back "likely" but with the detailed evaluation she received the doctors believe her Executive Functioning Disorder (leading to ADHD) is causing symptoms of Autism, not the other way around.  I'm not convinced yet we have a final diagnosis but at this time this seems to be most appropriate.  Everyday with Summer is a challenge.  Nearly every minute with her is a challenge, honestly.  (See my open letter).  She cannot be left out-of-sight for any period of time at all and I'm not exaggerating.  On rare occasion we leave her within ear shot (maybe, in the kitchen as I open the front door or use the restroom with the door open so I can clearly hear her) but most of the time we have her within our sight.  This includes bed time - we've moved her into our room.  She does go to daycare and is about to complete the state's preschool program but the preschool program has been a wild failure (in terms of behavior and education) and daycare is only successful because they're very patient with her and understand her special needs.  At this time she's seeing a psychiatrist (and takes 3 medications a day), a behavioral therapist in-home (this guy is no joke and I love his work so far), and will probably start seeing a play-therapist over the summer.  She also needs physical and occupational therapy on a regular basis and will likely be put in a PPCD-type program in the fall (after a YEAR of advocating for her and finally hiring an attorney - apparently the school thinks we're bad parents and are making up her diagnoses to excuse her behavior).

Summer is a beautiful girl.  She loves to dance, be active, and play make-believe.  She also loves posing for pictures, which is fantastic because I get to capture "good" moments like these ones above where she has a genuine smile on her face and appears to be a happy, well-adjusted child.  These moments do exist and I cherish them.

I think pictures like these are more common.  I dunno, maybe they're not.  Looking through my pictures I have a good mix of the types you see above.  Some are great and some show a little bit more of what we're dealing with.  You can see in these pictures a little more of what we see on a regular basis.  Her face has food all over it in one - she literally doesn't care most of the time whether she has food or dirt or anything else on her where it doesn't belong.  This is part of the problem with potty training; she doesn't care one iota if she's wet, at least on the surface.  We all think she cares underneath, that she has no self-confidence or self-esteem.  :(

   

Summer loves adventure.  She loves to hunt for things (on her own terms) and be outdoors.  If she could spend all day outside by herself hunting for bugs and critters she would.  Thankfully, our yard permits that.  Unfortunately, our schedule as a busy family of 8 does not provide the opportunity nearly as much and letting her explore outside of the totally fenced in yard is not an option because she'll wander away.

This is the type of thing Summer does when she doesn't have direct supervision.  She "washed" her hair with toothpaste.  Though this type of behavior is common among 2-3 year olds and maybe explorative older children, it typically fades out as they learn other more productive and "normally accepted" types of play.  Summer has not learned the benefits of "normal" play yet and therefore gets into lots of mischief for her age.  

 Summer loves her siblings and wants to be a good helper, when she wants to be one.  She really wants to do the dishes and liked helping with Aaron when he was younger.  She wants to play with everyone as long as they want to play on her terms.  This is her haircut after Lizzie got hers - she wanted one too.  Shortly after she got less of a bob and more of a shaggy medium/short cut to help cover up all the times she tries to cut her own hair when she comes in contact with scissors.

 

Summer loves posing for pictures.  Here are a few more that show day-to-day life with her.  The second picture is totally normal...she's in a bat girl cape tied around her waste so we can go into Target to buy her new underwear and shorts because we were on the road and she'd wet through several pairs of dry things that morning.  She's got her hat on, a sweatshirt, and no shoes, and she's totally fine with it.  This girl loves adventure and has no interest in helping mom's self-respect taking her into stores like this.  She broke her thumb, slamming it in the door, and though she cried never told us it was hurting until we noticed how unbelievably bad it looked a couple days later.  They put a cast on her, knowing she wouldn't leave it alone for the required 4 weeks.  I'm not sure how close to getting her cast off this last picture is but as you can see, it's disgustingly filthy and you may notice there's not much of the white gauze left around the top - she ate most of it.

Summer, I love you so much and I love those moments  before you go to sleep where I can have a heart-to-heart with you to remind you how much I love you and how much I'm going to continue to fight for you.  I pray God will heal you and help you recover from the last few years.  You're going to soar Summer.  Keep your adventurous spirit and may your love of life be rounded out with joy, all the time, whether you get what you want or not.  You're beautiful sweetheart.  I pray we're able to tell you always and forever how much you mean to us and that you're able to hear it through our parenting, even as we're correcting you and coaching you as you grow.

Little Sister

I tried to look back at my blog to see if I ever referred to each of my kids by blog names.  If I could, I couldn't remember them or find them at all so forgive mie if I don't make a connection here.  Our family now consists of three boys and three girls, so today's update is about the youngest of the three girls who, if I haven't used the term before, fits "Little Sister" to a T.

    

Ok, this girl.  Let me tell you.  Her name is Lizzie.  She'll correct you in her 4-ness and tell you she is Elizabeth OR Lizzie, and then frequently tell you she wants to be called Elizabeth, with the incomplete "th" sounding like an "f". She loves Frozen, princesses, dolls, dress-up, pretend play, and anything imaginative.  

She was a few months from turning 3 when they came to live with us, almost 2 years ago now.  It's such an odd thing to consider now that Aaron is this age.  Her hair used to be down to the middle of her back but she desperately wanted it cut about a year ago, hence what you see above.  It's grown back out now, about to her shoulders, which is EXACTLY what she wants now that she knows all about Rapunzel.
 

    

This girl has attitude.  She's got a flair for fashion and creates all sorts of "looks", including the facial-expression kind on the right.  We get these looks from her daily, at least.  When she gets caught doing something she knows she's not supposed to do she freezes up and won't respond to your questions. She has this stare though...the one that says...I am very mad at you right now.  It's not a morning unless Lizzie has cried.  Nevertheless, we get a lot of  comments on how BEAUTIFUL this one is.  We're working to make sure our insides are as beautiful as our outsides :)  She's actually really smart and independent, so we need to make sure we're giving her the attention she needs even though she doesn't "demand it" the same way some of the others do.

 Oh Lizzie - What would we do without you.  I love that you try to read to mie every day in the car and I love that you know exactly how to work your charm to hide your natural impish-ness, even though I won't tell you that now.  It makes me smile.  I know sometimes I won't do things for you and it makes you cry.  It's because I believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself.  I want you to know how awesome you are in every way, every day.

Baby Baby

Life.  Life happens and it is so unbelievably full in our home right now and as I'm realizing, will be forever, God willing.  (Though I hope for rest and peace and obedient children growing in Truth and Love.  Amen.)

Here I am, as I promised a long time ago, to introduce you one by one to our kiddos.  I'm going to start with the one who's placement in care brought this whole crazy family together.  You've known him for 2 1/2 years as Baby Baby.

His name is Aaron, a name we gave him on adoption day.  As you can see he is no longer a baby. He's talking in full sentences, though you can't always understand him, and is every bit of a two-year-old.  He's very active but loves nothing more than to hang on mommy or daddy, not both - just the one he chooses at that moment.  He can keep up with his brothers and sisters and has learned the art of being louder than them all in order to be heard.  

He is our silliest boy, I think.  Or, at least our silliest one where silly is super-age-appropriate.  He's always doing something to make everyone laugh and he gets a thrill out of it.  He's almost always smiling that big super-happy grin, as you can see.  In the midst of our chaos and the moments of tension/drama in the house he tends to break it up with his crazy antics, super cuddly hugs, or handsome, happy smile.  He loves Cars (especially Mater), trains, and planes.  He's fascinated by motorcycles as well and knows that Papa rides one.

Here are a few of him a bit younger.  Love these.  The one with the paci is him at the hospital...this kid by far has spent the most time in the hospital than any of the other six.  He is seen by several specialists including a cardiologist, orthopedics at Scottish Rite, opthamologist, and a pulmonologist. He has severe asthma (or, at this point it's called Reactive Airway Disease), so any kind of illness hits him pretty hard.  (and boy does he love that paci, though he knows that it must "go to bed" when he wakes up and gets out of his toddler bed.  Yes, we're done with cribs.  *Sniffle*

Oh boy howdy.  How did I forget his love of tractors. 

Aaron, you are such a joy in our lives.  You have such a special role in bringing our family together and you brighten our days.  I can't believe how much you've grown recently and I look forward, every day, to being your mommy.

Thankful Thursday - We've Made It...Our Last Day as Foster Parents

I cannot believe we've made it here, to this point, so very far from where we started.

Tomorrow we sign the adoptive placement agreement for our 4 kiddos.  While by itself this doesn't mean our kids are forever part of our family (that happens at consummation, also known as the court date), it does mean they will no longer be foster children.

My kids will no longer be in foster care.

Technically, I will not be their foster mom anymore.  Logan and Summer will no longer be foster siblings.  And, since we're closing our home after this placement, we'll no longer be a licensed foster home.

5 years.  We've been on this journey now for 5 years, licensed for 4 1/2.  In the grand scheme of life that seems so short.  But foster care.  Foster care is invasive.  By nature it permeates your life, your family, and the way you live.  It isn't all bad.  It isn't all good.  But it changes you.  So much has happened in these past 5 years.  In many ways our lives have been on pause, waiting for someone else to do or say something that will drastically change the dynamic of our family, all the while the core of our family has been adapting to the constant change in the wait.  What we've seen, what we know now that we didn't know then, the love and the trauma...we'll never be the same again.

As I sit here and look at the faces of my husband and children I'm so thankful for this segment of our journey.  The road before us is still wide open and we've only begun to travel the path we've been sent on.  Nevertheless, I'm glad to wave goodbye to The System and all that is within it.

I look forward to the relief of finally breathing out after all these years.

Mother's Day Musings

I'm sitting here Monday morning, deeply processing motherhood.  I'm tired, I'm worn-out, and if I'm honest, I'm sad a bit (or a lot...yes, I'm sad "big").

I'm not the type to have expectations.  I don't like receiving gifts because I fear hurting the feelings of those who gave them to mie if I don't have the perfect reaction.  I don't like expecting lest I get disappointed when things don't come.  I'd rather just go-with-the-flow and I've become very content with that motto.  It's helpful in my world too as I'm better able to cope with the next bit of crazy constantly thrown in my life.

But when I'm honest...

Life parenting 6 kids, 5 of whom are from hard places (and the 1 born to mie has been through hard things), is hard.  I have 1 compliant child and that's only because he's still a baby (but a really "good" baby!).  Ok - here's the run down:

Numero 1 - Logan - my first born, super-intelligent, strong-willed son who's equally sweet and caring as persistent and competitive for my affection.  He needs to feel he's special, which is complicated by the fact he has 5 younger siblings.

Numero 2 - K - The oldest of her sibling group, she's also super-intelligent and yet her traumatic past tricks her into acting remedial at times to be sure she's not going to lose favor if she makes a mistake.  She feels the need to compete with Numero 1 constantly, has trouble believing she can be "good" if Numero 3 is not bad so she quietly eggs him on repeatedly, and she's a great helper.

Numero 3 - Big E - The middle boy, only a year behind Numero 1 & Numero 2 yet stuck at the age of trauma to a large degree making him revert back to a toddler/preschooler when stressed.  He's one of my Sensational Kids but he's fought very hard to heal to the place he's at now where he's no longer having violent fits of rage lasting for hours.  He does, however, have bad times most days where he just can't get out of his self-preservation mode long-enough to correct his behavior.  He's a challenge, this one, and his behavior is the primary reason the siblings weren't allowed to come live with us for so long last year.  That being said he's made HUGE strides and I'm very proud of him.

Numero 4 - Summer - Oh Summer.  My heart aches for this little girl.  She's incredibly artistic and beautiful but as my second Sensational Kid she struggles to adapt to the world around her leading to strong defiance, frequent melt-downs (like you'd see in a 2 year old even though she's 4 1/2), and developmental delays in significant areas (potty training).  This all blossomed around 3 years old, well after a year after we adopted her, and significantly hinders the joy in her life.  She irritates her siblings on a daily basis and doesn't seem to comprehend what she's doing half-the-time (yet she does...).

Numero 5 - Miss L - The youngest girl, only a year younger than Summer.  She's the girl everyone sees as "so sweet" and she is, sometimes, but as the 5th youngest in the family has become a fighter to get attention.  It's completely age-appropriate and why I believe I wasn't made to be a mother to 3 year old girls.

Numero 6 - Baby Baby - Not really a baby anymore.  He's walking and talking and still a joy to be around for now.  He always wants to go outside and tells us so.  He's also just beginning to tell us no and throw mini-tantrums.

6 kids, ages 1-7. It's hard.  Having one is EASY.  When we break them up into 2 or 3 it's still EASY.  Like piece-of-cake we're totally great parents easy.  We have all the right parenting skills.  They work when the kids are alone or in small groups.  But goodness gracious when the kids are all together is it hard.  Really hard.  It doesn't help that momma is usually by herself taking care of them all.

Let me give you an example.

Yesterday, for mother's day, I decided to take the kids to a movie at a place where you eat food while watching the show.  I wanted to treat them.  I really do love them a lot and actually this type of place is a nice break usually but this one seemed to not hold the younger ones' interests well and was 2 1/2 hours long which meant I spent a lot of energy keeping them all content.  It didn't help that #4 was in trauma mode all weekend and needed the extra level of parenting.  This movie meant our normal Sunday routine was a bit out-of-sorts and our normal Costco trip was 3 hours later than usual.  It started out by #4 being in time-out outside of the store (with a game of I Spy for the others) for about 20 minutes while he got himself together. We had to wait in-line to return something we bought last week that was too small and you know, lines and 6 tired kids don't go well to begin with.  The kids held it together for the most part though #4 was testing boundaries a good deal.  Then #5 decided she'd had enough.  I for the life of me can't remember what she was doing now but she ended up in her own time-out.  She needed to sit where I put her (which happened to be at the end of a "quieter" aisle) for 3 minutes calmly before she could get up.  But she had none of it.  No matter what I did, for 20 minutes, she had none of it.  Of course everyone there thought she was being so mistreated because she's a cute 3 year old crying in the middle of Costco.  (thankfully after they realized I was there watching her and what was going on they encouraged me and left her alone).  Eventually I had to put her into a cart to help her calm down and she complied, for 2 aisles.  By this time the other 5 were done with her shenanigans and it was all I could do to try and keep them together while getting out of the store.  After being told no, we now don't have time for a sample from that vendor, #5 decided she was going to throw another tantrum and kicked and screamed on the floor, which meant another time-out.  This time she faced backward in a cart for the rest of the trip (because she wasn't getting it together) and we headed out of the store at which point #3 decided he was going to push the shopping cart against the way I was pushing it so he didn't have to go home because he didn't want to take a nap when we got home.  I gave him his choice and he chose to go in the cart so that's where he ended up on the way to the car.  He had to sit in his time-out until he controlled himself for 6 minutes and he didn't have any of it.  So, he walked around hitting and kicking the car, throwing sticks at it, doing everything to get a reaction out of me rather than doing what he was supposed to do.  I stuck to my guns and we all "had fun" in the car while he got himself together.  I genuinely smiled when he started picking up all the sticks and sat for 6 minutes nicely when he was done with the fit.  By this time it was 5pm.  Church at 9, a 2 1/2 hour movie, and a Costco trip had taken us 8 hours due to frequent behavior checks.  On mothers day.  By myself.

When we got home I sent the more out-of-control kids to separate rooms for 30 minutes and told them all for Mother's Day mommy needed a 30 minute break.  I was tired.  I worked my garden and sat outside nicely, in peace, while my hubby who was now available manned the quiet (of course) fort.

When it came time for dinner I had my choice and oh was it a dilemma.  To go out to eat and face more of the antics I'd had all day or stay home and make my own dinner (with the chaos at home).  My hubby wanted me to chose but really it was too hard.  All I wanted (my blasted expectation) was a good, fun, peaceful time with my kiddos. I  wanted to enjoy them.

Don't get me wrong.  There were plenty-of-things-awesome during my day yesterday.  Numero 1 woke up and immediately apologized sincerely for his behavior the night before.  They all immediately showered mie with love in the morning even though daddy wasn't there to remind them.  I loved watching the two oldest thoroughly enjoy the movie we'd watched in wonder.  The parenting techniques worked and I was patient and kind through them.  (and they worked!!!).  My hubby bought mie the only thing I wanted, even though I'd forgotten to tell him what I'd wanted and he didn't know I needed one.  I heard from both sets of birth parents wishing mie a happy mother's day.

And finally - dinner was a success.  It was pleasant.  It was a lot of work like 6 kids at a restaurant is a lot of work but it was pleasant and fun, not crazy.

I'm exhausted from this parenting gig.  It's worth it and I look forward to the days to come but I'm still tired.  This phase will pass and someday my hubby and I will be sitting around wondering what-the-heck we're supposed to do with all the calm and quiet.  I know that day is coming.  But today I'm in the trenches of motherdom and it's often a hard gig.

Foster Parent Friday - The "Dreaded" Homestudy

Q: What is a homestudy?  And what happens at a homestudy?  And what should I be prepared for?  And what questions are they going to ask?  And where are they going to look?  And...

A: Come on y'all - you've all been there right?  At least if you've gone through the licensing process for adoption and/or foster care, if you're in the process now, or if you've considered becoming licensed you've most definitely wondered about this nebulous and seemingly doom-ridden homestudy.  All the fear is absolutely justified when you consider that your homestudy is a major piece of the licensing process and usually one of the last steps before you get licensed (and start opening your home to kids).  I'll also say it's absolutely worth the fear that it produces in that typically the mystery and angst associated with a pending homestudy probably makes you prepare enough to "pass".

When we were going through the licensing process the homestudy gave me the heebie jeebies.  In truth I'm one of those recovering Type A & perfectionist personalities that needs to get everything right and ace every test.  When we went through classes we'd get a piece of paperwork to complete and I'd make copies and write and re-write it over again so I'd have nice, neat handwriting to go with my well-thought-out and complete answers.  I'd also usually do it the same evening when we came home from training so it was done well in advance of the due date.  I was baffled by the others in our class who failed to turn in paperwork on time and were repeatedly warned they had to do so before getting dropped from the licensing process.  My brain just couldn't fathom that level of (fill in the blank...irresponsibility, casual approach, etc.) when such a serious thing was on the line.

Throughout the licensing process I tried to find as much information as I could about the homestudy and the only thing I could ever find was that it wasn't a big deal.  I kept reading that it wasn't a "pass/fail" evaluation as much as it was an understanding of our home to be able to identify the best-fit when foster children needed a family.  I repeatedly found people who said they'd ask personal questions and maybe it would feel intrusive but it was harmless.  I found people who said to be tidy but not to worry about cleaning out every crevice.

People kept trying to tell me all would be well but I just couldn't believe them.  This big scary thing was in the way of my family's future so how could I not take it seriously and worry about it?  I cleaned and I worried as a bad housecleaner I wouldn't be good enough.  I thought about everything in my past, in my family's past, in my marriage, that may need to be discussed and how would I phrase it to be honest and yet not get myself disqualified.  My grandmother passed away the week of my homestudy and I fretted about how to respond about how that death in my family would disqualify our home from moving forward in the licensing process.  It was awful.  I did all that I could do and then hoped it would be enough.

I'm not going to be able to provide you with much more detail than that, at least not here because it's not really the point of this post (but email mie if you do have questions because I'd be happy to give the answers I have!).  What I wanted to point out today is how things have changed since those days so long ago.

We had our second adoptive homestudy on Wednesday.  You need to have an updated homestudy completed before you can adopt.  The updated study looks at how your family started out (likely provided in the original homestudy) and then expands on that to discuss how your family is with your future adoptive children to determine how the adoption will impact the family dynamic.  We've been here once before and the main thing to keep in mind is that this means we're getting closer to adoption!  WOOHOO!!!

What I found so fascinating in doing this second adoptive homestudy was how different it was than when we went through the process as foster parents.  For real - this time around we scheduled our homestudy on the most convenient day for us, which happened to be the same day our baby had surgery so we'd slept for 4 hours the night before and spent the morning at the hospital before the caseworker came over.  We hadn't cleaned at all in most of the house.  The only cleaning we did was in the kitchen to get rid of dirty dishes and really only that because we had the time.  A few minutes before she was supposed to arrive I dumped out 3 baskets full of unmatched socks and played the matching game with my husband while we waited for her to arrive.  I didn't have on any makeup and I wasn't wearing anything remotely nice.  When she finally arrived I doubt I had any shoes on and my baby had blood coming out of his ears (from his surgery).  We chatted in the kitchen for a while.  At some point I got a snack out and started eating while talking to her.  We even had a neighbor kid ring the doorbell to come play and I let him in to the backyard.  During our homestudy.  Toward the end my husband went outside to repair the backyard fence.  I had to discipline one of my difficult children and didn't bat an eye.  Although I cared about the result of the homestudy I had ZERO concern about the process itself.  I didn't feel the need to impress anyone and I didn't prep for it.

So, if you're nervous about your first homestudy good.  You should be as it will make you take this process seriously and this is a serious process.  Just try to remind yourself that once you get over this hurdle someday, if you're blessed to go through it again, you probably will look back yourself and think hmm...what was I so worried about back then?

Thankful Thursday: Court Results

Thank you all for your prayers.  Regardless of the outcome, yesterday promised to be a very difficult day with 3 possible outcomes:

• Termination of parental rights.  Plan for adoption
• No Termination of parental rights.  Send children home immediately
• Some other random solution out-of-the-blue (case extension, another delay at the courthouse, etc.)

Though we had our favorite solution, none of them would have been pain-free.  The "random solution" would have caused this case to drag on more, more uncertainty, more delay for all involved.  Clearly if the judge found parental rights were not to be terminated and the kids went home immediately, that would have crushed us.

I mentioned yesterday that the case had been mid-trial before a threat at the courthouse caused a week's delay.  When I left after the day of testimony I honestly felt less-hopeful about whether the case would result in termination than I'd had at any other point in the case, I think, and that's saying something because I've had my doubts all along.  I wasn't in the courtroom that day but it's what I felt in my heart.  I walked into court after having experienced another week's worth of delays and a ton of things that made our life more difficult (sick, not sleeping baby getting 8 teeth all at the same time, for example) - though I tried to have faith and focus on God's will for my kiddos and our family in the forefront of my mind was that this was shaping up to be one of those times our kiddos left us.  God has always provided a "difficult situation" before kiddos have left to help us be grateful for the peace after the children were gone.  Most of them were illness related.  I felt like I would be writing that post, that God had allowed difficult situations to invade our home to help make the transition of them leaving easier on us.  The feeling wouldn't leave me.

I arrived at court late due to traffic.  With a cold that was making me groggy.  Since I was half-prepared to testify after the way the previous day ended (and upon hearing "maybe" from the AAL), I was worried about how I'd sound, being able to not clearly think, probably looking all nasty like one of the actors "with the flu" on a tissue commercial.  Halfway to court I got a call from my hubby who should have been sleeping because the daycare called and a different child had started throwing up all over the place.  Oh, and hubby started having tummy troubles too.

Nevertheless in the court house things started off well.  We chatted for a good-long time about stuff.  The kids.  My sister and her kids.  Jury duty.  The weather (literally).  It was enjoyable.  

Then someone said "well this case better be called early or we won't get in at all - it's drug court day".  I started to panic that we'd be reset.  Again.  

The bailiff called for check-in and simultaneously called our case into the courtroom to be heard.  I initially sat out of the courtroom but then thought hey...worst they could do was kick me out...so I went inside and took a seat.  I texted AAL to see if she needed me to testify - she replied "no".  I asked if I could stay.  Then she got called to the bench for another case and it took forever to get another reply.  

I could stay.

I'm not going to get into the details of what I heard except to say that it was ESSENTIAL to this case that court had been delayed the week because of the threat the week before.  There was a report people were waiting on that hadn't arrived yet and left some questions about the situation unanswered.  BUT, because of the delay the results were received and additional evidence was able to be admitted.  This evidence was crystal clear.  I've been saying it "sealed the deal".

The judge ended up making two rulings.  First, she ruled on baby baby because he was removed separately from his siblings and started this "newly reopened" case.  The grounds were clear and abundant. The judge took the time to read each one aloud to the parents.  Additionally there was abundant evidence that TPR was in his best interest.  

Parental Rights Terminated. 

With that in mind, the judge then ruled on the other three children.  I wasn't sure where she was going to go - apparently the case for them was different than the case on the other three.  Nevertheless because mom had just lost rights on baby baby, it helped make the argument that the rights for the other three should be terminated as well.

Parental Rights Terminated.

The judge then accepted the other parent's relinquishment.  In doing so she complimented all involved for working out an arrangement where the kids could be safe and still have a relationship with this parent.  She went on to provide strong words of affirmation to my husband and I (though she didn't know I was there) for our part in this case, the willingness to stick it out, the willingness to make the arrangement we did with the parent who relinquished.

At the end of the day we walked away with Parental Rights Terminated, adoption bound.  I will say that the kids will not be "legally-free" for adoption until after a 90 day period during which the parent who lost rights involuntarily will have the opportunity to appeal.  In addition relatives or fictive-kin have the opportunity to intervene in the case to try and gain custody preventing the adoption.  We hope and pray these things don't happen.  Our kids need permanency.  It is a NEED for them (as with all kiddos but evidence was presented that one of my children "does not have another move" in him/her).  It has been their repeatedly-expressed desire to stay with us forever.  Though they're too young to really grasp the gravity of that statement, they have been steadfast in that desire with the likewise understanding they would not go to live with their birth parents ever again.

There is so much more I want to tell you.  With the TPR granted I want to share how CRAZY this case was.    I want to explain what has happened in the past year.  All of the stuff we've gone through but I've been cautious to share because of how crazy this case has been.  I will likely wait until the 90 days is up before I share as much as I'd like but if you have questions please email mie or put it in a comment so I can remind myself to address it.  

In the end our feelings were very mixed.  Please pray for the 90 days to be smooth and short.  Please also pray for our kids' birth parents.  Regardless of the situation that led us to this point yesterday was extremely hard on them, and I'm sure time will heal some but not all and it would be a long time in healing.  They love their children.  They didn't want this to happen.  I cried with them both yesterday.  It sucks.  I cried for my kids to have this in their history.  Even though it was what we wanted and what we still want and even though it moves us toward adoption and even though our kids were thrilled when we told them last night, we don't wish them well and the trauma is not taken lightly.

Thankful Thursday - Potty-Training Progress

We are not perfect parents.  At all.  We try desperately but our faults and impatience interact with the craziness that is related to losing first parents and foster care and just plain old life and it isn't always pretty. 

We have been trying to potty train Summer for 22 months.  TWENTY-TWO MONTHS.  Y'all that's almost two years and is a LONG time with what often feels like no progress.  She has accidents on a regular basis (like daily, sometimes several times a day) and doesn't seem to care.  She's about to turn 4 and is far-behind our foster child who just turned 3.  FAR behind.  She doesn't (usually) tell us she has to go and won't go on her own (usually) so we're at the stage (still) of reminding her to go every 15-20 minutes.  She still has accidents on that schedule.  Seriously.

We've tried it all.  We've tried every technique (in 2 years there has been time to give each a sufficient amount of time - that's 100 weeks!).  We've given up and let her decide when she is ready.  We have done everything except wait longer.  She does her own laundry and cleans up her own mess.  She simply doesn't care.  Potty-training resistance does not begin to describe it.  I'm at the point of thinking she either has something wrong with her medically (she was diagnosed with a urinary tract condition when she was an infant but never showed signs of it after she got proper care when she came to live with us) or maybe something like SPD.  SPD would make a lot of sense in many ways.  I'm going to bring it up at her annual physical and see what the doc suggests. 

(Thankfully, she did learn to poop in the potty and rarely has a BM accident so at least we're just dealing with that.)

I would probably be ok with waiting it out. Like with Logan and his sleep I'm absolutely sure that she will get it sooner or later or if not she can wear adult incontinence undergarments and I'd love her the same.  The problem I have is that everyone I leave her with (school, church, babysitters) are at past the point of being patient with it.  She's almost 4 and tall at that so no one believes she should be having accidents.  I get the "So what can I do to help her stay dry" everytime I drop her off somewhere.  It may sound helpful but really it sounds more like "You're a horrible parent why can't you get this potty training thing down" or "really, what is WRONG with YOUR daughter". 

I didn't mean to turn this into a rant.

I meant to write this post last Thursday.  You see, last week she had 3-4 days in a row with no accidents.  She even stayed dry during a movie at the theater when she was with my mom and even better in the middle of it she yelled "I HAVE TO POOP!" quite loudly.  I'll take what I can get if she'll just tell us she has to go, even in a movie theater at the top of her lungs. (Thankfully for my mom they were the only ones in the theater at the time).  She EVEN got a special, hand-made stamped picture note from her teacher that made a point about how well Summer had done in class that day.  She was both dry AND was nice to her friends.  Double bonus points.

Unfortunately I never got around to writing about it and how thankful I was to get that respite and the sweet sound of someone saying, for once, that she was GOOD.  When I arrived at her daycare she literally came with THREE BAGS full of soiled clothes from all of the accidents she had that day.  She also immediately threw the worst fit I'd ever seen her throw over not getting her cookie until she was in her car seat.  I think it had something to do with my mom leaving that day but still, it was aweful.  I quickly lost the motivation to be thankful for her wins earlier that week.

So today, friends, I'm pausing to celebrate the wins.  It is Thursday and my daughter has had 2 dry days this week (Monday & Friday).  She still came home from school in new outfits but she assured me (and it was obvious) that it was because she got a little carried away in centers and got wet (Monday) and spilled the sauce from snack on her dress (Wednesday).  I get frustrated when I see her in new clothes and my first reaction ends up being frustrated rather than happy to see her.  I know I own that, not her, but I know it's discouraging to both of us.  Yesterday I was initially frustrated but when taking her to the restroom I saw she was in the same underwear I'd sent her to school in and it encouraged me a little.  When she passionately told me about the accident with the sauce in her cute sentence structure and voice I was overcome with (positive) emotion.

So, all that to be said, today I'm thankful for the good days whether they're few and far between or frequent.  They help mie cope with the crap that is a fallen world  and the related effects on my family.

Quick Updates - Quickness is Necessary

Dear Friends - I'm busy.  Super busy.  I mean, a full-time working mom to 3 (or 6) children is busy.  But right now I'm more busy than usual and behind.  I'm simultaneously trying to catch up at work (and keep afloat at the same time), work on a special project, write a chapter in a book about foster care, celebrate kindergarten graduation, correct really bad 3 year old behavior through attachment-related and therapeutic parenting and extra time at school and extra prayer and tears, and finally say goodbye to friends who are leaving out-of-state.  OH YEAH, and go through the process to actually bring the children we've been waiting 5 months for into our home.  It's been busy.

*Logan had his graduation today.  Fun times.  He still has to actually finish school (weird) but graduation was fun and we were able to make a day of it.

*Summer is about to get kicked out of preschool for her behavior.  She's done GREAT this week though, which is encouraging after we've been working SO hard at reversing the trend she's been on but we really need a miracle here. 

*We ARE moving forward with bringing the kids to our home.  We had a couple visits last week with just the hubby, myself, and the 3 new kids to start the process.  Then this weekend we had them all weekend.  It was wonderful.  Much better than either of us could have planned.  We do plan to have them move in with us very soon and we look forward to the day when they start graduating from the child seats because it takes 8 minutes to buckle the 6 children, all of whom are in car seats, into the car not to mention getting them all (and their stuff) out there.  Amen.

*Today I took my forever kids to the water park to celebrate Logan's graduation.  Except, they closed 5 minutes after we got there for a private event.  I wasn't nice to the person at the gate.  Lord forgive me.  So, because I have a ton of time on my hands and I couldn't bare to let the kiddos down and it was perhaps the last time I might get a chance to go with just the two of them, I drove to the next closest water park 40 miles away (and got lost several times to add to the time).  We had fun.  Then I drove another 90 minutes home (accounting for a dinner stop and gas and such).  Summer peed in her car seat and spilt an entire bottle of juice in the one next to her.  We have 3 car seat (covers) in the washing machine right now.

*We booked our trip to Sea World this year.  For a family of 8 for a 5 day vacation we are paying $1100.  That is $27 per person, per day if you were counting, including entry to the park (for every day, if we wanted), hotel, and most everything else.  Best of all - if for some reason the kids don't come live with us, we're not out any money (though our hotel room will be bigger than necesary, I suppose).  Of course that would bring our average to $44 per person per day.  Yes, we'd be happy to have a family vacation for 8 to Sea World.  You judge if we're crazy or not.  You're going to anyway.

*I've received several inquiries over the last two weeks for new readers who would like me to contact them.  Welcome new readers!  I DO want to contact you.  I'm going to as soon as I possibly can.  I'm not trying to ignore you and you are important to me.  Hang in there.  I'll do my best, really.

I'm also not pregnant, in case you were wondering.  So there you have it.

Tuesday's Tears: My Weekend to Remember

Traffic was light on my blog this weekend.  I live in a fantasy world where that means everyone was gone doing a no-computer thing like I was.  It wasn't intentional - I was just busy having fun with my family doing things we don't normally get to do like the zoo and the museum and two sleepovers, a trip to the pool, snow cones, and a family get together.  And dodgeball.  And a visit with the new kiddos.  Yep.  That kind of stuff.  Welcome back from vacation everyone and welcome to summer!

Yes, we finally were able to visit our new kiddos this weekend.  It was just a short visit but it went much better than we expected and we're looking forward to our next one later this week.  It is a bit strange though.  We're waiting for the next call - another shoe to drop - letting us know that these kids are in fact not coming as we thought they were.  I think we both fully expect that call even though there is no reason to believe it will come.  What we do know and believe is that there is a good chance the kids will move in with us and then be ordered to leave only a few days later.  I guess we'll see.

In any case - everything about this weekend reminds mie of our journey now "3 years ago, today".  In case you haven't been around that long I recommend checking out my "1 year ago today" blog series, a real-life tale of complete chaos and sufficient tradgedy in my home.  This weekend there were plenty of reminders about it all besides the celebration of Memorial Day.  I silently remembered, day by day, what happened in our lives.  To add to it though there was the friend on Saturday who was wearing his new boot - the result of a broken ankle with torn ligaments.  There was the visit with our new kids and subsequent discussion about someone's plan to have them leave immediately after they arrived.  There was a relatives car troubles and my best friend's nephew's very serious motorcycle accident.  Really.  It was all there (and actually I didn't fully realize that until I started typing it out just now). 

3 years ago today my life was definitely hit by a hurricane that caused massive destruction and took a long time to recover from.  I'm still recovering.  For the most part I'm grateful for the experience as we learned a lot along the way but if I'm honest there are still parts of mie that suffer from long-term traumatic effects.  That season was very hard.  It's hard to believe I'll ever be at a point where I'm fully grateful for what we went through.  There's still bitterness and fear in my heart.  I know perfect love casts out all fear and I pray that will become evident here over time as well, sooner rather than later. 

Memorial Day is not about mie.  Corporately it is about celebrating and remembering those who gave their lives for our freedom and we outwardly paused as a family to acknowledge their sacrifice.  Personally though it has a new meaning added to it and I pray the inward pause that now brings fear and pain will eventually fully be replaced by one that glorifies God for His provision and healing.

Once Again - A Family of 7

As you can imagine from a title like that we did indeed get the call for our newest kiddos (#19 and #20, but who's counting?) and they joined us last night.

And what a glorious night it was.  Seriously.  Best. Night. Ever with new kids.

These two are so eager to have a family, it's painfully obvious but overwhelmingly fulfilling to be meeting that need for them right now (and a bit of a red flag for what might be coming in the future post honeymoon).  It's been a while since I've had a good honeymoon period so I forgot what that was like.  I just got off the phone with their CW and was able to sing their praises, again.  Everything really has gone that well.  I'm probably glowing.

(But my eye is red from recurrent allergy-induced pink eye.  Yay!)

We were very concerned about this placement for one giant reason.  #19 is older than Logan by about 5 or 6 weeks.  This is something we were always against though honestly my hubby more than mie.  I didn't mind the thought of having older children too much, that is, until we actually accepted a placement with an older child.  I suddenly began freaking out about what that meant for our family.  It didn't help that Logan changed his mind about having these brothers (before they came) and insisted I call them back and say no because he was NOT having an older brother.  Oh the dilemma in the pit of my stomach.  We prayed that if it wasn't meant to be the whole thing would fall through some how.  We prayed that if it was meant to be the transition would be smooth and the older brother thing would work out.

So far so good.  Prayer works.

Logan enjoyed spending time with his new brothers last night and having met the new "older" brother made him realize that all his fears about having an older brother (being bullied, the brother bossing him around, etc.) was not as guaranteed as he thought it would be and maybe, afterall, wouldn't be so bad.  Especially after finding out he'd have someone in the house that would play HIS kind of stuff with him, like video games and basketball and out in the yard doing boy things.  This might just work out afterall.

They called mie mom before I got home from picking them up.  Very eager to feel part of the family.  (Which I acknowledge is something that will need work over the years).

Work over the years - we do expect this to be an adoptive placement (as much as a parent who has had 21 children "expects" anything).  Rights are supposed to be terminated next month.  We'll see about that.  For now we'll take one day at a time.

This will be our first time with a school-aged foster child.  Having it be spring break makes it a bit difficult to figure out what the next steps will be on that one.  Though in investigating his school background I have found that he previously went to school in the same district we live in, probably making it easier to switch schools but making us live relatively close to the previous relatives he lived with.  There's a chance he will be held back a year, making him in the same grade as Logan, something I'll probably look into sooner rather than later if it's appropriate for him.  You know - maybe as he switches schools he should start out in the younger year rather than be held back next year?  Seems to make sense to me.

I am really happy with all of this right now.  Really happy.  Remind me of that when the honeymoon wears off in a few weeks :)

Working Mama Wednesday - Dr. Mie

In case you missed it, I successfully defended my dissertation on October 18th, finally ending my official status as "grad student" that I've hung onto since 2005.  It took mie 7 1/2 years to get a Masters & Ph.D. while working full-time (with at least 5 job changes), giving birth once, adopting once, and parenting 12 others among many, many other life events (like identifying & working on infertility and everything that happened as chronicled in the "one year ago today" series).  

This whole process of finishing feels so strange in many ways.  I went through school for so long.  I had this goal of completing a Ph.D. for a LONG time.  I worked at it.  Several times I wanted to quit.  The process is so nebulous that aside from signing up for and completing the classes that are clearly defined (and not all are) the rest of it you have to figure out as you go so I've spent time wandering the lost forest of doctoral work never quite knowing exactly what the next step is or what it will take to finish.  When you start you know about the dreaded "Dissertation" and just like any final step it seems impossible and is equally scary.  It has been hanging over my head (along with the goal and all the work involved in completing the degree) for 7 1/2 years!  It has been a major stresser in my life.  I've desperately wanted to quit several times.  My husband and I have fought at times, not necessarily about school but as a result of it.  I've sacrificed sleep.  I've sacrificed time with my kiddos.  It has been hard.

I finished coursework in Spring 2011 and took about a year off just enjoying NOT doing schoolwork.  The stress of having school still hanging over mie was a heavy weight and combined with a peer's graduation it helped motivate mie to actively finish the rest of the degree process this past spring.  I got in gear.  In a matter of 4 weeks or so I finished my comprehensive exams (writing over 100 pages in 2 weeks while working full-time and parenting) and I proposed my dissertation.  For the next 4 months I collected and analyzed data then wrote the rest of my dissertation (ended up being approx. 145 pages).  It was a LOT of work.  Then after getting the approval of my major professor to proceed another professor on my committee said I needed to start over.  With 3 weeks left to my dissertation defense.  That was defeating.  For the next 10 days I tried to coordinate schedules (while working...) with a professor half way around the world in a different time zone with myself and another professor who was a stickler for her own schedule.  

I got really sick.  4/5 of my kids had birthdays in as many weeks.  I got sick again.  Twice.  I threw a mega birthday party and sent a kid home.  Twice.  I got almost no sleep.  My husband and I decided that if it didn't work now I'd probably stop the program (and give up on my dream).  We just couldn't do it anymore.

So Oct. 18th came.  I made my presentation for 10 minutes.  I answered tough questions for 40 minutes or so.  Then they kicked everyone out of the room to vote.  

They opened the door and said "Doctor?..." indicating I passed.  My committee greeted mie by shaking my hand, saying congratulations, and telling mie how well I did.  That all lasted 60 seconds, tops.  Everyone (school peers who were there to watch) came back in the room and said congrats.  We sat down to do an informal Q&A for another 45 minutes or so.  

....and it was done.  I was done.  School was done.  I was ready to graduate.  I was officially "Dr.".  

All that work, suddenly over.  

The relief and weight off my shoulders is something I can physically feel.  The stress of it all is gone.  My brain works better - it has one less thing to worry about.  I am generally happier.  I feel great.

On the other hand - it feels empty, like "that's it? It's over?"  I don't need or want to be celebrated by others (in fact the congratulations has made mie very uncomfortable) but it feels like there should have been trumpets sounding or some other fanfare to accompany the finale.  In other words, I just can't believe it's done and I'm finally on the other side of this long, long journey.

Usually I'm not really conscious of the fact that I've finished, that I'm now a "Dr.", or of all the hurdles I had to jump over to finish.  But every once in a while I sit back and think "yeah, I did it".  

I don't every want people to call mie Dr. unless it's appropriate for the professional situation.  I'm not someone who's going to walk around introducing myself as "Dr. G...".  I don't need a party or anything else.  This was a personal goal that I desperately wanted to finish and finally have.  

I am, however, looking forward to the first time I get to fill in an anonymous survey somewhere and can check "Dr." or under highest level of education completed "Ph.D." instead of "some graduate school".  

I. Can't. Wait. 

Thankful Thursday - An Important Milestone

Even though I am (was) a working mom, attachment parenting has always been important to me, at least since I've been a parent.  When my son was born I breastfed (until 19-20 months), co-slept, and wore him in a homemade wrap.  I found this worked really well for us and, looking back, would say this was by far the easiest thing to do if it weren't for pressure to do otherwise - you know, co-sleeping isn't safe and shouldn't you put that baby down?

*eye-roll*

I'm now so grateful for our time together - it appears as if I'll only have had that experience once in my life and I'll never regret those choices.

I do, however, lament the fact that because our daughter came to us from foster care at 10 months old I really didn't get the opportunity to do as many attachment-parenting things with her as I would have liked.  I didn't get to breastfeed.  She was larger and I had a 12 month old at the time so I didn't wear her much.  I didn't get to co-sleep.

One of the things we do around our house is let our son sleep in bed with us on certain nights.  Initially it was every other day and now we're working on every 3rd night.  It's a fun tradition in our home and means a lot to him - and me.  He is older than our fosters have been and has always been a night owl so allowing him to sleep in our bed hasn't been a problem with the fosters - they are in bed before he goes to bed and so far have had no idea that he's been sleeping in our bed on the 3rd nights.

We have a going rule in our home that the children have to stay in bed until we come to get them.  We have alarms on the doors to help us know if someone is getting up.  This is to help protect our children from any unsuspected abuse and to help us know if our children are up walking around the house while we're asleep - we had one who was known to do that getting into all sorts of trouble, including that which led to his removal.  So, it's always been the rule that they stay in bed until we come to get them (unless they have to go to the bathroom).

Ms. Summer has always grown up with this rule and having not shared a room with her brother has been completely oblivious to any other option.  This has made me sad a bit - now that she's adopted I've been looking forward to the day where she crawls in bed with us or has her own 3rd night so that she can share the family bed too sometimes.  However - it's difficult to teach her that its ok to come get us at night without teaching that to her sister(s) who share a room with her and so I've always wondered how that would work, if it ever did.

Then came Saturday morning - 6:50 am.  I woke up to the door flying open in our room and our precious little girl waltzing in.  She wasn't ready to wake up - just came to get me.  I pulled her into bed with me, pointed out her pillow, and let her "try" to go to sleep.  It didn't really work to get much sleep and eventually I turned on some cartoons for us to watch together for a few minutes before getting up to get ready for the day and wake up all the other kiddos.

Last night little princess came in at 3:45am - this time it was completely dark outside. I was proud of her to make it all the way from her room to my bedroom in the dark.  That must have taken some bravery.  When she opened the door though I couldn't help but smile - it's come to the point where our little girl knows she can come get me, even when it's pitch black in the house, and I'll be there for her.

I know this is something most parents cringe about - having to deal with their kids coming in during the night. Frankly it was something I struggled with too before we came up with our every other night/every 3rd night concept with Logan.  It's rough to manage that and I agree that at some point we don't want our children to be sleeping with us nightly.  But for now I'm not taking it for granted - I'm thankful for this development in our child's life and grateful that we get to be her parents - cosleeping at all.

Now we just have to work on the actual sleeping part. ;)

I'm AUNTIE MIE again!!!

Over the last few weeks I've told you about my sister and her family who have been waiting for 6+ months to become a foster parent.  Add the time it took them to get into and then through training, then go through the process to get licensed, and it has been well over a year since they began the process to be foster parents.  

They've had a lot of calls - all for single kiddos I might add - but for one reason or another they couldn't take the children who the state was trying to place.  Their first call came a few days before they went out of state on vacation - they didn't think that would work though I reminded them to consider next time they could use us as respite!  They got several calls while they were out of state and then absolutely nothing until 2 weeks ago when she missed 2 calls in the same day.

Their wait is over.  

Last Thursday they accepted a placement for a NEWBORN baby girl.  She's a tiny little beauty.  My sister had the experience of picking her up from the hospital and going that route.  I met her afterward for lunch to see the baby.  This means I was the first one to hear of her placement and the first to see it.

Let me tell you - being a foster auntie is super cool.  My sister, though a year younger than mie, had all of her babies before I had any myself.  I have nephews and a niece on my husband's side but I'm not nearly as close to them as I am to my sister's kiddos - at least in part because they live so much farther away.  Bottom line - I didn't get to show her what it was like to be a mom - she showed mie - something unusual for a firstborn like mie and I missed out on the chance to show her something I learned was joyful.  As she chose to become a foster parent and hit every milestone along the way I've been so excited to share this journey with her.  Nothing could express the joy I've experienced in seeing her become a foster mom for the first time.  It has been a completely rewarding experience. 

All of my kiddos, especially the girls, thought this baby was super cool.  Summer is a natural momma and LOVES babies - the real ones - and so this has been extremely exciting for her.  They did a good job being gentle with this little baby, which is a really good thing because her ankles are about the size of a nickel, maybe a quarter.  

Congratulations to my sister and her family!  This is expected to be a short placement but marks a huge point in their foster care journey.

And yes, in case you were wondering, she DID miss this call too.  Her daughter had walked off with her phone.  This time it must have been meant to be because somehow 2 days later they were approached again and were able to accept the placement and bring home this precious baby girl.

Working Mama Wednesday = Thankful Thursday

Tuesday I promised to post a Working Mama Wednesday piece about changes at work.  However, this change happens to be super cool and definitely worthy of a Thankful Thursday spot, so I’ll pretend that I intentionally held off until Wednesday.  I most certainly did not forget to get this blog out on time on Wednesday.  Nope.  That wasn’t mie.

You all know I’ve been whining about my job situation. I say whining because frankly I have a really good job that affords our family with lots of possibilities including flexible schedule and a very large paycheck but I haven’t been content where I’m at.  Frankly I’ve felt overpaid and underworked in this role and that’s not something I’m comfortable with, not to mention my feelings toward project management in general (which is what I’ve been doing for the past year).  It was a good move at the time due to some really bad circumstances in my previous role and I love the people I work with – I just felt underutilized.  If I’m honest, I also felt a bit bitter about the circumstances in my last role which continue to be proven less and less “my fault”, though I do take ownership for my pieces.  In the last year I’ve had 5-10 significant role changes/promotions fall through and it was beginning to be pretty frustrating.  I didn’t understand what God was doing but I knew I just needed to press forward, work on contentment in my role, and continue to serve in this role to my best capacity.  

Two weeks ago I was called in by my boss.  Turns out it was annual merit pay increase time and he was rewarding mie with my 3+% pay increase which was nothing to sneeze at, especially since I already felt overpaid.  Keep that in mind.

Then came last week.  I was offered, and accepted, a new director role.  It hasn’t been announced yet and I don’t know if anyone from work reads my blog so I’ll stay a little vague, but needless to say it’s a role that will be PERFECT for mie in so many ways.  It will challenge mie intellectually, it will put mie in the position to be leading people again, it gives mie a big area of responsibility for the company, and I’ll be working for people who really wanted mie to work for them.  Needless to say I’m super excited.

I’m also excited that this whole phase is finally “done”.  This opportunity was presented to mie in early March as a possibility and everyone else around mie has seemed to know what was going on more than I did.  I actually had 3 opportunities as “possible” positions for the past 6-8 weeks and yet nothing seemed to be moving – it was hard waiting to know how everything was going to work out.  I also knew in my heart that if something DIDN’T work out, no matter how much I tried to prepare myself for that, it would have hurt my heart and caused further frustration.  At one point in a conversation not really related to my opportunities I found that one of the positions was no longer an option for mie, despite the fact that just days earlier it was presented as a definite option and no one had told mie that changed.  I’m definitely learning to be flexible.

I’m supposed to begin this new position at the beginning of June.  I was presented with an offer and to my surprise on top of my 3+% pay increase I’d received the week before I will now be receiving a MUCH more substantial pay increase.  In a few weeks I’ll have been here for 10 years and now I can say that my pay has increased 500% from where I was when I started.  Seriously I’m blown away.

I’m also very grateful that God continues to teach mie and use mie where I am.  I hope I’m able to speak into the lives of those I work with and can honor Him in my new role.  One of the things my husband and I am SO excited about is that with this new income we will be able to help SO MANY PEOPLE!  We have a few things to take care of “in our own house” first, but then we will be in a position to bless others in a way we would have never thought possible.  We’re super, super excited.

And very, very thankful.  And honored.  

(And I get to hire a housecleaner.  Yippee for mie!  Boohoo for all the germs that may have taken up residence in my restrooms.)

So, in the last two weeks I received a merit pay increase, I was offered and accepted this position, that day I received word that I passed my comps, I received my daughter's new social security number, and then I presentedand passed my dissertation proposal.  It’s been a good two weeks to be mie.  As I approach the 2 year anniversary of one of the low seasons of my life, I’m reminded that life is cyclical and God will do what He will.  I’m glad to be on this ride.