Last week I mentioned I'd be unavailable for a while. For security reasons, I didn't want to say where I was or why I was going away - you know, just to be on the safe side. Now that the trip is over I can give you the details.
For the first time (I can remember) since being a foster parent, I had to go on a business trip. Pre-kids I traveled much more than I do now. Even when Logan was young I had a job where I traveled more extensively (3-5 trips per year). Since then I haven't traveled much, both by function of my job and by necessity. Traveling just doesn't work well in our schedule.
Nevertheless I'm working on a project that is in its infancy stages and required us to get away as a project team to gel and get some initial project work done. We traveled to Austin, TX and stayed at rental vacation property on Lake Travis. We all live close enough to Austin that it meant we drove down there but far enough away to keep us from returning home every night. I ended up leaving Monday morning and returning Thursday afternoon.
When I initially heard about this trip I had a mini panic. Even though our new schedule provides more time for us all to be together as a family there are still major times when only mommy or only daddy are available to be there with the kids. Taking mie away from the family for 4 days is no small challenge and finding someone willing to help in the hours we needed, with 4 kids, meeting CPS requirements, on weekdays, was no easy task. When I used to travel when Logan was little I'd fly my mom in to spend a few days with us and she loved the chance to come out to visit - it was a win-win. Of course, my parents anniversary was right smack in the middle of my trip and I couldn't even ask for her to consider it, even if she would have said yes. So I tried to devise plan B, C, D, E, and F.
Wouldn't you know God knew all along that I'd need to go out for this trip. About 6 weeks earlier my husband had mentioned that he had to do some training for work which required him to change his schedule. Wouldn't you know that coincided exactly with what eventually turned into my trip. He was able to be home and we needed only minor help with the kiddos one morning and one evening that my sister happily provided. Logistics solved. Kids cared for. Mommy's free for a trip.
Only it wasn't that easy to leave. The logistics may have been handled but my mommy heart despised leaving. I was desperately worried about leaving my hubby in charge of all things household management while I was gone, not because he is incompetent but because I know how much work it can be. I hated dropping all that in his lap. I feared that no matter how much I thought through and documented what needed to happen while I was gone I would miss something critical and somehow miss providing the role my kids needed me to fill. I know how much work it is. I know how much has to be juggled. I know how difficult it is to make sure it all happens right (or close!). I just hated making my husband do all of that. Not to mention, he hadn't been alone with the kiddos for that long. Again, not that he couldn't handle it, but 4 kiddos is a lot of work and it's nice to have someone to tag team with when you need a quick break to refresh. He wouldn't have that while I was gone. I worried his patience would grow thin.
Then I worried about how my kids would be without me there. Would they miss me? Mommies and daddies are both important to kiddos, would there be something missing for them while I was gone? Would they get enough hugs and kisses? Get told enough how important they are and how much they are loved? Worse yet, we have a family used to loss. Foster children, especially at this age, can be sensitive to trips like this where someone goes away for a while. They may have a hard time understanding that mommy is coming back, but not like visits like their other om, they wouldn't be moving to a new home, mommy isn't leaving them. I worried how #9 would handle it. I worried how Summer would handle it. I knew Logan would be ok, but I worried he'd feel sad missing mie.
So when I left on the trip, though it provided mie with an opportunity to get away "for myself" for awhile I was sad and extremely anxious. As we drove toward Austin, all I could think about was jumping out of the car and running back to my family. (Lest you worry, I didn't seriously think about jumping out of the car, but you get my point). I wanted to be with them. Nothing else mattered. Not the adult social time. Not the extra rest. Not the career potential of the project. Nothing. I just wanted to be home.
And that was the first night.
To be continued...
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Working Mama Wednesday - Vacation is coming!
Pretty soon my family and I will be embarking on our somewhat annual family vacation. It made mie think about how much I value our family vacations and wish we had more. Time just gets away from us in our crazy schedule and its virtually impossible for our family to take a vacation of any time without someone taking time off from work. That's not necesarily a problem, it just complicates matters. Many couples with kids struggle to take a weekend here and there because they need to find childcare. That's not our issue. For us to take a weekend away we need to figure out who isn't going to go to work - are we going on my husband's "weekend" or mine? Who can afford to take time off work given what's going on there - who will get in trouble, who can get the time off, who has more time off. We can't take the inexpensive types of trips - the Saturday day-trips to nearby tourists spots or hiking or maybe even the weekend camping in the woods. It's not because we don't have woods or tourist spots or hiking spots and it's not because we lack the appropriate gear and it's not even because sometimes we have up-to 4 (now 5) kiddos and it just takes a lot of work to do things like that with preschoolers, let alone a lot of them.
Nope. For us its the time. And really, the time. Not from a "we need more time together at home" or "wow if we go away on the weekend we'll have less time to lounge on the couch and get laundry done" type of time-less. We really don't have the time together. The longest period of time my husband and I are together during a 24 hours period in any given week is 13 hours including time we're together sleeping. The smallest time is 3 hours. The longest non-sleeping time we have together is 5 hours and the shortest is 0 as in no time. There's not much you can do in a total of 5 hours, and for reference, those 5 hours are usually weekdays where some are before work/school and some are after work/school - the hours are broken up.
Yep. Time to vacation or do any sort of out-of-home leisure activity together is extremely limited around here, which is why we value the time we do get to be together as a family all that much more.
It got mie thinking about vacation time from work.
When I first started working full-time I was 18 and earned 1 week paid vacation. How cool was that? I could take 7 days of vacation and that did not include some of the days we were closed, like Thanksgiving and Christmas (I do believe those were the only days we were closed so I typically worked other holidays). But still - that was awesome.
When I took my first job out of college I was 20 and earned 2 weeks of paid vacation. Now that was really cool. That meant I could take off the week of Thanksgiving and the last 2-weeks of the year, which acutally made up 3 full-weeks using my 2 weeks of vacation. Of course my job really didn't allow for that and I was lower on the seniority totem pole so the likelihood of me getting those weeks off was pretty slim. Not that it mattered - I didn't have kids and we lived near family so we didn't need to take those weeks off. I'd just assume take time off here and there during the year and that's just what I did.
Almost 5 years ago I celebrated my 5th year at this company, which I celebrated by proclaiming to all that I just earned my 3rd year - after 5 years, when I was 25, I began having 3 weeks off paid each year. This was really cool because at this point I no longer lived near family and traveling back to see them over the holidays, or any days really, required more time-off. This allowed for the Thanksgiving week, the last two weeks of the year, AND 1 more week off during the year. I traveled a lot during those years for work, so if I played my cards right I could earn more time off AND get my travel paid for. One time I was able to work in Denver for a week and then rather than travel home afterward I traveled to LA first, took my nephews to Disneyland for one of their birthdays, and then flew home. Because the price of the plane tickets was actually cheaper to fly to LA first, I went on the company dime, stayed with my parents, and I could afford to pay for Disney for them. That was so much fun.
Almost 5 years ago means that I've almost spent another 5 years at this company. It's been about 4.5 more years since then but since vacation kicks in at the beginning of the new year I can say that in a few more weeks I'll start earning 4 WHOLE WEEKS of vacation. I'm so looking forward to this. It will mean that I can take off the week of thanksgiving, the last two weeks of the year, and two whole other weeks during the year. I can take a spring and summer vacation if I want to. We could take a vacation to visit family out of state and another vacation just for our family, if we wanted to. To date we've really only been able to have vacations where we go visit family because our vacation time was limited and we value those trips. But it will be so nice to be able to do both.
4 whole weeks - I'm really looking forward to that. Now, what-to-do, what-to-do...
Nope. For us its the time. And really, the time. Not from a "we need more time together at home" or "wow if we go away on the weekend we'll have less time to lounge on the couch and get laundry done" type of time-less. We really don't have the time together. The longest period of time my husband and I are together during a 24 hours period in any given week is 13 hours including time we're together sleeping. The smallest time is 3 hours. The longest non-sleeping time we have together is 5 hours and the shortest is 0 as in no time. There's not much you can do in a total of 5 hours, and for reference, those 5 hours are usually weekdays where some are before work/school and some are after work/school - the hours are broken up.
Yep. Time to vacation or do any sort of out-of-home leisure activity together is extremely limited around here, which is why we value the time we do get to be together as a family all that much more.
It got mie thinking about vacation time from work.
When I first started working full-time I was 18 and earned 1 week paid vacation. How cool was that? I could take 7 days of vacation and that did not include some of the days we were closed, like Thanksgiving and Christmas (I do believe those were the only days we were closed so I typically worked other holidays). But still - that was awesome.
When I took my first job out of college I was 20 and earned 2 weeks of paid vacation. Now that was really cool. That meant I could take off the week of Thanksgiving and the last 2-weeks of the year, which acutally made up 3 full-weeks using my 2 weeks of vacation. Of course my job really didn't allow for that and I was lower on the seniority totem pole so the likelihood of me getting those weeks off was pretty slim. Not that it mattered - I didn't have kids and we lived near family so we didn't need to take those weeks off. I'd just assume take time off here and there during the year and that's just what I did.
Almost 5 years ago I celebrated my 5th year at this company, which I celebrated by proclaiming to all that I just earned my 3rd year - after 5 years, when I was 25, I began having 3 weeks off paid each year. This was really cool because at this point I no longer lived near family and traveling back to see them over the holidays, or any days really, required more time-off. This allowed for the Thanksgiving week, the last two weeks of the year, AND 1 more week off during the year. I traveled a lot during those years for work, so if I played my cards right I could earn more time off AND get my travel paid for. One time I was able to work in Denver for a week and then rather than travel home afterward I traveled to LA first, took my nephews to Disneyland for one of their birthdays, and then flew home. Because the price of the plane tickets was actually cheaper to fly to LA first, I went on the company dime, stayed with my parents, and I could afford to pay for Disney for them. That was so much fun.
Almost 5 years ago means that I've almost spent another 5 years at this company. It's been about 4.5 more years since then but since vacation kicks in at the beginning of the new year I can say that in a few more weeks I'll start earning 4 WHOLE WEEKS of vacation. I'm so looking forward to this. It will mean that I can take off the week of thanksgiving, the last two weeks of the year, and two whole other weeks during the year. I can take a spring and summer vacation if I want to. We could take a vacation to visit family out of state and another vacation just for our family, if we wanted to. To date we've really only been able to have vacations where we go visit family because our vacation time was limited and we value those trips. But it will be so nice to be able to do both.
4 whole weeks - I'm really looking forward to that. Now, what-to-do, what-to-do...
Thursday, June 02, 2011
One Year Ago Today - Part 5: Lots of Travel
This post is for Wednesday after Memorial day in the "One Year Ago Today" series depicting our experience in May-June of 2010. Remember, I had a severely injured ankle, my best friend and husband's grandfather died the same day, our car broke down, and we had received a call telling us our foster kids were going home. We were broken...
By Wednesday I was pretty much a zombie. We had 3 kids depending on us but I was broken physically, emotionally, and though my faith wasn't damaged my spirit was tired. Wednesday brought mixed feelings.
First, nothing like kicking you while you're down - we knew immediately through this situation that it was as much a spiritual attack as a series of unfortunate events that we were involved in. We didn't know why we were being allowed to go through all of this, certainly there were other people affected by some of the events we were experiencing, particularly the deaths, and I'm not sure we will ever truly know why it all went down the way it did. But in the world of spiritual attack we were broken and the next thing on the list was to cause physical separation between my husband and I in a time where we needed to be able to lean on each other the most.
My husband's grandfather lived near our hometown, 1500 miles away from where we live now. Most of our families still live in that general area, so understandably the funeral was there. My husband thought it would be best to attend that funeral and be with his family, which meant Wednesday (the first reasonable flight he could make without taking much more time off work) he was flying out of town. In terms of our immediate family I was now on my own to take are of the 3 kids (1.5, 2.5, 3.5) with my brokenness. Of course I wasn't alone spiritually and my family nearby and friends were so nice to help, but still - the leader of our family, my spouse, was not nearby. No spouse-ly hugs. No rest in each other. I know this affected him too as travel "home" meant he would be away from us and he would be missing the funeral of our dear friend, something I know he didn't want to do. So with our 1 car we made a trip to the airport (though honestly I don't remember doing that at all).
The good news was that my mom passed him in the air. She had already planned a trip to visit us for 10 days or so scheduled to arrive this day. Of course, we hadn't planned that she'd be coming to visit during this time - surely we would have preferred a happier time - but it worked out well to have my mom there to help. She helped with the kids, she helped with food, and just by having her around helped us all try to do some fun things and get our minds off of what was taking place.
So my sister and I left mid-morning with her daughter and spent some time at the mall, shopping at Victoria's Secret for a little while before heading to the airport to pick up my mom. That was a nice treat. While my sister tried things on, I played with my niece in the cosmetics place, trying on makeup and sampling fragrances. It wasn't enough to take the weight off my chest, but it did help us have some fun. I ended up buying this, which I love. Good or bad it reminds me of this time, which I look back on simultaneously with horror and relief. We made it through and it reminds me of all that good that stemmed from bad.
Though the bad wasn't done yet.
By Wednesday I was pretty much a zombie. We had 3 kids depending on us but I was broken physically, emotionally, and though my faith wasn't damaged my spirit was tired. Wednesday brought mixed feelings.
First, nothing like kicking you while you're down - we knew immediately through this situation that it was as much a spiritual attack as a series of unfortunate events that we were involved in. We didn't know why we were being allowed to go through all of this, certainly there were other people affected by some of the events we were experiencing, particularly the deaths, and I'm not sure we will ever truly know why it all went down the way it did. But in the world of spiritual attack we were broken and the next thing on the list was to cause physical separation between my husband and I in a time where we needed to be able to lean on each other the most.
My husband's grandfather lived near our hometown, 1500 miles away from where we live now. Most of our families still live in that general area, so understandably the funeral was there. My husband thought it would be best to attend that funeral and be with his family, which meant Wednesday (the first reasonable flight he could make without taking much more time off work) he was flying out of town. In terms of our immediate family I was now on my own to take are of the 3 kids (1.5, 2.5, 3.5) with my brokenness. Of course I wasn't alone spiritually and my family nearby and friends were so nice to help, but still - the leader of our family, my spouse, was not nearby. No spouse-ly hugs. No rest in each other. I know this affected him too as travel "home" meant he would be away from us and he would be missing the funeral of our dear friend, something I know he didn't want to do. So with our 1 car we made a trip to the airport (though honestly I don't remember doing that at all).
The good news was that my mom passed him in the air. She had already planned a trip to visit us for 10 days or so scheduled to arrive this day. Of course, we hadn't planned that she'd be coming to visit during this time - surely we would have preferred a happier time - but it worked out well to have my mom there to help. She helped with the kids, she helped with food, and just by having her around helped us all try to do some fun things and get our minds off of what was taking place.
So my sister and I left mid-morning with her daughter and spent some time at the mall, shopping at Victoria's Secret for a little while before heading to the airport to pick up my mom. That was a nice treat. While my sister tried things on, I played with my niece in the cosmetics place, trying on makeup and sampling fragrances. It wasn't enough to take the weight off my chest, but it did help us have some fun. I ended up buying this, which I love. Good or bad it reminds me of this time, which I look back on simultaneously with horror and relief. We made it through and it reminds me of all that good that stemmed from bad.
Though the bad wasn't done yet.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Foster Parent Friday - Can you travel with Foster Kids?
Amazingly - this question first was introduced to us by the state in our PRIDE classes in the form of a statement.
YES, if you go on vacation you should take your kids with you.
A la Jeopardy, my husband and I tried to figure out the right question associated with the answer because certainly there weren't people out there who thought their foster children were expendable during a vacation right? Well, as we learned being in and around foster care rules are made for a reason, usually as a result of a tragedy of some sort caused in part by a foster parent's unthinkable action.
The actual question does in fact turn out to be valid though as foster parents do have to pay attention to the rules about traveling with foster kids if and when travel does occur. As I have recently traveled out of state these rules are particularly timely to share with you all (and as always, are Texas specific - other states have some sort of variation).
If for some reason you can't take your kids with you then you can do respite care. Respite care is essentially a temporary foster placement with someone approved by the state for respite care. In my most recent trip, I had my kids only 5 days before my trip was scheduled, so I couldn't reasonably purchase plane tickets to bring them with me or get court approval, nor was I confident that I could travel on a plane with 4 kiddos under 5 by myself seeing as how I just met 2 of them. So, I used respite care.
Respite can take 2 forms. In my most recent case I used a family member since the trip was only for 3 days. To do that, I had to submit the information for each member of my sister's household (over 18) so the state could run background checks. Because they passed, the kids were allowed to stay with them. It worked out well because the kids had already met my sister and her family and weren't placed with yet another stranger for a few days.
The other form of respite care is with someone who is licensed through the state either as a foster parent who has spots open in there home or who is licensed just to provide respite care. In those situations, the state can help you find someone if there is a need, usually for 7 days or more. Of course, as you get involved in foster parent associations or other foster/adopt circles you often end up having friends who are licensed, so you could use them as well. Usually in the cases where respite is more formal, it is expected that you pay the respite care provider the amount of the daily stipend foster parents receive.
Respite care can be useful when you have an adult-only trip (sometimes foster parents need a break just like any other parents!) or in emergencies. Last year when my dad was injured I needed to hurry up and get to California, taking the first flight out there with my son. Magically, I didn't have foster kiddos at the time so I didn't have to worry about all this, but if I did I probably would have been better off to find respite for them rather than bring them to California with me as I waited in the hospital for his recovery. Respite can also be used when the state doesn't want you to take the kids out of state for some rea
Other than that, we are under the mindset that our foster kids are part of our family and we plan to do everything with them that we'd plan to do with our biological son. In between foster care cases, we try to take time to celebrate our "permanent" family, rest, and relax before the craziness begins again with the next call.
YES, if you go on vacation you should take your kids with you.
A la Jeopardy, my husband and I tried to figure out the right question associated with the answer because certainly there weren't people out there who thought their foster children were expendable during a vacation right? Well, as we learned being in and around foster care rules are made for a reason, usually as a result of a tragedy of some sort caused in part by a foster parent's unthinkable action.
The actual question does in fact turn out to be valid though as foster parents do have to pay attention to the rules about traveling with foster kids if and when travel does occur. As I have recently traveled out of state these rules are particularly timely to share with you all (and as always, are Texas specific - other states have some sort of variation).
- Traveling within county limits is almost always acceptable unless you will stay outside the home (i.e., hotel) for more than 48 or 72 hours. Technically, traveling outside the county requires prior permission, which is unrealistic for us seeing as how the county line is 8 houses down. Nevertheless - if you're reasonable and stick with the "48 or 72" hour rule, you're probably fine - and neighboring counties are probably fine too.
- The 48 or 72 hour rule - If you are going to stay out of the home for 48 or 72 hours, as in staying overnight visiting someone else or staying in a hotel, you need to get permission in advance. I say 48 or 72 hours because the paperwork that I've received all says that I have permission to travel within the state of Texas for 48 hours or permission to travel within the state of Texas for 72 hours...it says both of those things just like that and I can't figure out how I have permission for 72 hours and yet only permission for 48 hours...in other words why does it say both. I guess it's best to let the caseworker know if it will be more than 48 hours.
- Out of State travel - if you are going out of state, you need to have the court's permission in advance. To get that permission the caseworker needs to submit something to the court saying where the child is going, with whom, where the child will be staying (address) and contact information. I don't know if this needs to happen, but in the case where I am going out of state I provide that information to the caseworker, the CASA, and the ad-litem just in case. Then, I maintain a record of written approval, just in case.
- If in traveling a visit will be missed, it will need to be made up ASAP.
If for some reason you can't take your kids with you then you can do respite care. Respite care is essentially a temporary foster placement with someone approved by the state for respite care. In my most recent trip, I had my kids only 5 days before my trip was scheduled, so I couldn't reasonably purchase plane tickets to bring them with me or get court approval, nor was I confident that I could travel on a plane with 4 kiddos under 5 by myself seeing as how I just met 2 of them. So, I used respite care.
Respite can take 2 forms. In my most recent case I used a family member since the trip was only for 3 days. To do that, I had to submit the information for each member of my sister's household (over 18) so the state could run background checks. Because they passed, the kids were allowed to stay with them. It worked out well because the kids had already met my sister and her family and weren't placed with yet another stranger for a few days.
The other form of respite care is with someone who is licensed through the state either as a foster parent who has spots open in there home or who is licensed just to provide respite care. In those situations, the state can help you find someone if there is a need, usually for 7 days or more. Of course, as you get involved in foster parent associations or other foster/adopt circles you often end up having friends who are licensed, so you could use them as well. Usually in the cases where respite is more formal, it is expected that you pay the respite care provider the amount of the daily stipend foster parents receive.
Respite care can be useful when you have an adult-only trip (sometimes foster parents need a break just like any other parents!) or in emergencies. Last year when my dad was injured I needed to hurry up and get to California, taking the first flight out there with my son. Magically, I didn't have foster kiddos at the time so I didn't have to worry about all this, but if I did I probably would have been better off to find respite for them rather than bring them to California with me as I waited in the hospital for his recovery. Respite can also be used when the state doesn't want you to take the kids out of state for some rea
Other than that, we are under the mindset that our foster kids are part of our family and we plan to do everything with them that we'd plan to do with our biological son. In between foster care cases, we try to take time to celebrate our "permanent" family, rest, and relax before the craziness begins again with the next call.
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