Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Tuesday's Tears - Return From Reunification

Sorry I've been gone - I traveled to California to visit family for a baby shower and became very ill in the process.  I think I have an inner ear-infection.

Speaking of the baby shower - in the middle I received a strange phone call from my husband on my mother's cell phone.  He said we got "a call".  We've had 8 kiddos in 13 months of fostering, so receiving "a call" isn't that strange.  It was strange because we're full - we're licensed for 4 kids and have 4 kids so we shouldn't be getting any calls about any more kids.  But what he told me next helped it all make sense and simultaneously broke my heart.

The call was about kiddo #3.  If you're following my kiddos tracker you'll remember that #3 was our little boy that was reunified with his parents a few months ago.  Until this month, he was the child we'd had the longest.  We had him nearly half his life.  You'll also remember that we built a relationship with his parents and opened our hearts to them over the months we got to know them. 

Apparently this past weekend he was removed from his parents again.  I know a little bit of why but I wouldn't share that here and I certainly don't know the whole story.  It doesn't really matter...it breaks my heart either way.  Though we were refereshed that the state asked us first, it's not nearly enough to console us for the loss of the situation.  First and foremost we are broken for our little guy that he is going through this and the consequences this removal will have on his life.  We're frustrated and angry and scared for him that he couldn't come  to us immediately because of the beauracracy of the system (though we understand it) and we hate that he is still with a stranger when we could take care of him in a home that is familiar to him. 

The other reason my heart is broken, and this may surprise you, is that his parents have (insert your own fallacy here) again and are losing him (at least for now....the long-term plan isn't my decision).  We hoped for them.  We prayed for them.  Ultimately, we couldn't make their decisions for them, but we certainly wanted them to succeed in parenting their son and living a happy life "on the right track".  I want to run and hug his mom and cry with her.  I want to tell her I'm dissapointed but that they are still valuable and can be forgiven as people.  I want to continue to hope for them.  I desperately want them to be a family.

But remember my letter?  I said that they are the best parents for their child.  And I believe that - I believe that every biological parent is the best parent for the biological child.  Except craziness gets in the way.  Drug abuse, selfishness, physical abuse, parental history (how they were raised), mental illness, and all that other nasty stuff just gets in the way and makes some parents unable to parent well.  So though I want them to make it - I want this little boy to have his biological parents to raise him - my heart now wonders if that will be the case, if it can be the case, if it is too late for them.  It's not too late for the little boy, he has lots of people to love him and raise him, including us if the need arises.  I just wanted it to be a success story so bad.  Maybe it will be still.

We are asking that we can have him back while he waits to go to a relative placement out of state - in our mind that's better than him being with a stranger.  And, we agreed to be his Godparents.  Maybe his parents have changed their mind now, but we do believe they meant it in their better days.  We feel a responsibility to this family and we love this kid - we want him to be ok with us while he waits.  It seems as if with him not with his parents we are his alternative parents primarily because we filled that role before, for a long time.  And we love him.  And we love them. 

Their struggles won't take that away.

I wish I knew what will happen in this case.  It feels like "our boy" is in foster care with a stranger and we don't have any rights to fight on his behalf.  We will continue to pray for God's will and hope that we can care for him while he's waiting and that everything else goes well.  God bless this family and care for our little boy while he's away and bring him to his permanent home soon. 

And take care of his parents too.

1 comment:

DannieA said...

what a heart felt post!