Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Tuesday's Tears - A Crying Kind of Day

I’m in a crying mood today.  I’m upset about something that happened at work for the 800th time.  I’m disheartened because I tried to talk to my hubby about it and he chose bad timing to practice something else – telling me what was posted on the doors at school when he picked up the kids.  (That would have been noteworthy, exceptional, and all that jazz except I was literally mid sentence, in tears, extolling my misery).  I’m confronted by the fact that he told me I was just whining and he’s tired of it.  I’m grateful we had a good dialogue about it all and ended up cuddling together on the couch, once again on the same page and committed to working together.

Really though I’m in a crying mood because I’m more emotionally available.  I have a great ability to focus when I want to and my recent journey to the forest of doctoral comps managed to steal my focus from what I believe are more important things in life – like my kids and my house and my family and my friends. 

And making bows.  I have a lot of bows to make – but that will be discussed another day.  (Anyone have a request?  I’m happy to make you one if you let me know the colors you’d like and, if you’re patient on timing J)

Bow making materials - look carefully and you can see some blue and purple neatly organized in  baggies on the right - they're all neatly organized now but I have a ton of ribbon to make a ton of bows!
Baseball bows for the girls.  My hubby has actually made some of these with mie.  God bless that man!
I love being an emotional being.  I love feeling.  I’m more thinking-oriented if you’re familiar with Jung’s work, but I have a very sensitive, intuitive side of mie that feels deeply.  I love being joyful.  I love being overwhelmed with empathy.  I love that I can’t watch a movie that’s even remotely violent without actually feeling the punches or kicks or whatever.  It makes mie who I am. 

I never want to lose that sensitivity but it leads to vulnerability.  Because I can feel I can get hurt easily.  Because I feel deeply the hurt can be more intense than the average Joe, or so it seems.  The natural tendency is to avoid pain whenever possible.  It takes a conscious choice to allow for vulnerability – to trust, to love, to open up and share – knowing the possibility exists and is great sometimes that I will be hurt, and I don’t like to be hurt.

But in that vulnerability is the potential for great joy.  I find it interesting that this is Mie, not foster mom Mie, not mom Mie, just Mie, who I am and yet the corollary to foster parenting is so apparent.

Today I choose joy.  I may be hurt in the process but I choose to feel and express joy.  

1 comment:

Joy Kinard said...

I hope you feel better soon. Sometimes you just need a good boo-hoo!