I’m in a crying mood today. I’m upset about something that happened at work for the 800th time. I’m disheartened because I tried to talk to my hubby about it and he chose bad timing to practice something else – telling me what was posted on the doors at school when he picked up the kids. (That would have been noteworthy, exceptional, and all that jazz except I was literally mid sentence, in tears, extolling my misery). I’m confronted by the fact that he told me I was just whining and he’s tired of it. I’m grateful we had a good dialogue about it all and ended up cuddling together on the couch, once again on the same page and committed to working together.
Really though I’m in a crying mood because I’m more emotionally available. I have a great ability to focus when I want to and my recent journey to the forest of doctoral comps managed to steal my focus from what I believe are more important things in life – like my kids and my house and my family and my friends.
And making bows. I have a lot of bows to make – but that will be discussed another day. (Anyone have a request? I’m happy to make you one if you let me know the colors you’d like and, if you’re patient on timing J)
|Bow making materials - look carefully and you can see some blue and purple neatly organized in baggies on the right - they're all neatly organized now but I have a ton of ribbon to make a ton of bows!|
|Baseball bows for the girls. My hubby has actually made some of these with mie. God bless that man!|
I love being an emotional being. I love feeling. I’m more thinking-oriented if you’re familiar with Jung’s work, but I have a very sensitive, intuitive side of mie that feels deeply. I love being joyful. I love being overwhelmed with empathy. I love that I can’t watch a movie that’s even remotely violent without actually feeling the punches or kicks or whatever. It makes mie who I am.
I never want to lose that sensitivity but it leads to vulnerability. Because I can feel I can get hurt easily. Because I feel deeply the hurt can be more intense than the average Joe, or so it seems. The natural tendency is to avoid pain whenever possible. It takes a conscious choice to allow for vulnerability – to trust, to love, to open up and share – knowing the possibility exists and is great sometimes that I will be hurt, and I don’t like to be hurt.
But in that vulnerability is the potential for great joy. I find it interesting that this is Mie, not foster mom Mie, not mom Mie, just Mie, who I am and yet the corollary to foster parenting is so apparent.
Today I choose joy. I may be hurt in the process but I choose to feel and express joy.