Saturday, April 07, 2012

Say What (?!?) Sunday - What mom thinks

We took our kids out-of-state on our recent vacation.  This means that we had to get specific permission from the state to allow our foster kiddos to come with us.  I gave them plenty of notice to make sure we could either get permission or find respite care while we were gone.

About 10 days before we left on the trip I contacted the CW because I hadn't received approval yet.  This caseworker is usually on the ball so I thought maybe she'd missed it - nope, later that day I received the formal approval in the mail.  Crazy - I can't believe how good she is.

Anyway, I had to talk to her about something else that I'll blog about so I took the opportunity of a phone call to verify approval and talk about the other topic.  After she told mie she was approved we had this conversation:

CW - Actually, I was going to call you about that.  Mom is nervous about the trip - can you call mie when you get there and let mie know you're safe?

Mie - Sure, but we're not planning to get there until 7 or so and that will be 9 or so you're time, do you just want mie to leave you a voicemail?

CW - Why don't you text mie.  Mom thinks you're going taking them out-of-state to steal her kids.  And she's worried that there will be a car accident.

This is the dumb drama we have to deal with sometimes.  It's not a problem to text the CW at all and I got both her work and personal cell numbers out of the deal, but really?  I can't tell you how crazy it is that she'd think WE would steal her kids.  

First of all - does she know how much we don't want to live in CA and how much we love living where we live?  What did she think we were going to do?  Abandon our jobs and our two houses here to live in poverty out there under assumed identities?  I know stranger things have happened but still.

Second - If we planned to steal the kids, why would we have asked for permission from the courts?  That just seems counter-intuitive no?  Wouldn't we have just left and not told anyone where we were going?

Third - We have had 6 placements and haven't stolen one yet.  What makes her think we'd steal HER kids - of all of them?  I mean they're great kids and we'll keep fighting for what's best for them but I hardly think running off with them would be in their best interest.

I could keep going.  Just dumb.

Thankfully CW was on top of her game and explained to mom how crazy she sounded by expressing these particular concerns.  Apparently it's not the first time and its beginning to become enough of an issue that their threatening to add it to the list of official concerns on the case.  She pointed out that we drive with the kids every. single. day.  She pointed out we told them exactly when we'd be leaving, when we'd be coming back, and where exactly we were going to be.  

And we texted CW when we got there.

It wasn't requested but I also texted CW when we got home.  That text read "I didn't steal the kids.  We're back home now and the kids will be ready for their visit in the morning".  

She replied "LOL.  I'm sure (mom) will be glad you didn't steal her kids :)"

I love good caseworkers.  It really makes a foster mom's job easier.


Small Town Joy: said...

We had this type of drama last year. we had approval from DSS and Mom to take Pie with us on vacation to Florida. Then, three days before we were leaving Mom changed her mind. There was a TON of drama, but basically we ended up cutting a "deal" with Mom that she would get something in return for ALLOWING her child to go on vacation with the only family she has ever known. We also had to cut our vacation down from 8 days to four days, with us leaving on the first day and coming home on the fourth day. Mom got an extra visit that month, two arranged visits for Pie and an older sibling to visit with mom together (against policy) and we had to bring her a picture book of pictures of her child at Disney (At our expense, but that part of the deal was made by DSS). Anyway, we will be so glad when this case is finally donw.

Anonymous said...

I had to chuckle when I read this one. Going through the "red tape" to take foster kids on a vacation is something only foster families understand. And your point it true - btw - if we were going to kidnap the kids, we most certainly wouldn't be giving CPS our license plate #s, address and place we are staying!

Barb said...

Our foster son's parents refuse to give permission for anything. We have cancelled two trips as a result. We now know the exact wording of our foster care manual about how long we can be out of state without getting permission and just stay within that. This just baffles me, how much power they have, when they only make it to 1 in 4 scheduled visits and are doing nothing toward completing their case plan goals even as we approach the 1 year mark. This is truly something only foster parents can understand. Sigh.