Our lives as a foster family lack any sense of normal. They say in the world the only thing guaranteed to stay the same is that everything keeps changing - oh how true that is in our family.
I just dropped off #17 & #18 with the caseworker. You know, the caseworker who had apparently never met them even though they had been removed in August and in our home since the end of December. She knew nothing about them and nothing about us except for that my sister and I look alike. I suppose that's good so she knew which random person at McD's she should walk up to in order to get the kids she didn't know. I tried to prepare them the best I could. I even broke out the Spanish so I knew they understood the words I was saying (we've been trying to teach them English so I've not been speaking much Spanish to them). #17 was happy to go to his relatives house but I could tell it was a nervous smile and later was proven correct when he bumped his head ever so slightly and the flood of emotions came out. I asked him if he was crying because he didn't want to leave (in Spanish) and he said yes. I felt horrible. #18 just sat there with stoicism as she does when she isn't feeling safe. I could see the terror in her eyes. I hated every minute of it.
But now we go back to a new reality. Our core family plus baby baby (who, in case you were wondering, has not had a ruling yet in his case afterall...). Life is so much easier with our core family and it is remarkable how helpful it is to have the core family together when foster children leave.
Core. Stable. They go hand in hand. Our core family is where our stability is at. We know we will not leave each other the way our foster children leave. We will be together as long as God allows. In this time change, yet again, it is so comforting to have the core family come together again and enjoy each others' company.
This time we plan on going to Monster Jam this weekend. It will be the first time Summer is old enough to come with us and we've invited a few extras to come along. Monster Jam is stable and routine; we go every year and it's an opportunity for us to reconnect, have fun, and do something together that carries tradition with it.
We'll probably play games together tonight or help Logan prepare for the upcoming cup-stacking tournament. We're going to eat Salmon. Maybe we'll go out for ice cream. I'll probably let my kids sleep in my bed.
So our life is changing once again. One way or another I expect it to change again in the near future as baby baby's case receives the judge's ruling. I hope he stays. I hope his siblings will come with us. Neither of those may happen. Both might.
We really don't know how our life will shape up. I hope you realize that neither do you even if you're not a foster parent. But for today we will enjoy our core family, the stable things we're given and the promise that God will never leave us.