More Tears Today

I wrote yesterday's post before yesterday happened.  As I sat I had no idea that my life would take a turn even further into the "no permanency for YOU" world.

We have been waiting for 3 weeks now for a sibling group to join our home.  The people who removed them want them here.  The placement people want them here.  The new workers have been wishy-washy saying "they're not sure yet", so these kids wait and wait.

So do we.

I've turned down an adoptive placement while waiting.

My kids know that these other kiddos are out there waiting.

Baby Baby's future in our home is tied to these siblings so that if they don't come, he will almost certainly leave at some point.  (This is going to kill mie, and my son, and my husband.).

Yesterday we got a semi-answer.  Apparently the state (county) doesn't feel like people can handle 6 kids these ages (we're only licensed for up to 6 years old, so you can imagine what their ages might look like).  They think it will be detrimental for those kids, for our kids, for our family.  (Honestly I'm not sure how concerned they really are about that).

So the impact is that these children wait with NO family while there is a family eager to committ to them permanently, trauma and all.  We have had lots of experience with children these ages, as a large family, with similar traumas.  Yet the desire (I think) is to place them with a smaller family.  This means that they would have to be placed with a family that has NO kids or 1 (Imagine going from 0 or 1 to 4 or 5 with traumatic behaviors?  Jeesh.) or an older family with kids who are older (and therefore they are older, committing to raising at least 4 young ones).  *sigh*  The logic makes no sense to mie though I DO appreciate the desire to think through what's best for everyone.  I just wish they'd actually come see our family in action or maybe even read our homestudy.  Maybe talk to us or people who see us on a regular basis and realize that our family CAN handle this.

The further impact (if they're concerned about our family) is that the kids in our house will leave and 3 or 4 more children will come in a few weeks.  They will leave and 3 or 4 more will come in a few weeks - so in other words my family will have 5 or 6 kids in that age range ANYWAY and there's no guarantee (quite the opposite!) that they're going to have experienced less trauma.

Our hearts are defeated right now.  We did hear from someone yesterday that asked when we'd be ready to take the kids.  I could have been dishonest and not bring up the conversation from earlier in the day and instead said "bring them now!" - then they would have had to justify removing them from my home.  But that wasn't the RIGHT thing to do and if nothing else we're dedicated to doing the right thing for these kids.

I'm still trying to remember that God is in control.  This will work out and the kids will come to our home in the right time or they won't.  God is still on the throne and we can only assume then there is a better plan out there for us.  We shall see.  Thanks for coming on the journey with us.