Tuesday, October 21, 2008

This is a response I wrote to a friend who was telling of the struggle experienced during fasting. Since I couldn't get the comment thing to work, I figured I'd post it here since I know many of us are experiencing the same thing.

I have to admit that I too am struggling with what I've given up...tv, and yes, I wish I would have picked a different something to give up. I didn't realize how hard this would be. Not because I strongly desire to sit down and watch an episode of desperate housewives or Intervention, but because daily life is so different and I have to make a conscious effort to deny myself the "pleasure" I get from turning on the tv when I sit down on the couch regardless of whether I'm watching anything at all. How sad is that. Even I, a person who relatively watches little tv, am addicted. What's even sadder is that I'm not NEARLY as addicted to prayer, devotion, intentional worship. In fact, over the last week since this began I have still not picked up the Bible once to spend some quality time. And it doesn't bother me near as much as it did when I wanted to sit down Sunday afternoon and watch tv while my family was sleeping. I guess that's why I appreciate the weeding example so much. I feel like I'm pulling a tv tumor from my heart with roots that have dug themselves deep. And it hurts. I'm disgusted with myself.
So, as much as we hate it, I think this discipline of fasting that we have ignored in our church culture will cause us blisters, but will leave our soil open to much more beautiful things to come.
And, I admire you for giving up (what you've chosen)...reminds me of when Jesus forgave sins and lectured the Pharisees about their insistance that he make the man walk. Don't know why exactly. I guess giving up (what you've chosen) is like forgiving sins...hard to measure but eternally important(???) while giving up something like (candy, food type, soda, something tangible & easy) may have shown your obedience but not profited you much in the long run. I guess I'll have to go look up that passage in my tv void time tonight.

1 comment:

Monkey Momma said...

Marie, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this post. I SOOO connect with it. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. Embarrassed. Angry. Monday was such a terrible day that it negates any good moments through this fast so far. Today wasn't much better either. Which, honestly, makes me just want to give up altogether. Which compounds the frustration, because honestly...how hard should this be to give this one thing up?

I'm struggling right now. I'm feeling pretty freakin' pathetic. Thank you for making me feel not so alone in how hard this is.