Happy Birthday and a Big Congratulations to my wonderful husband, who I am extremely proud of.
Of course, many of you know that his ACTUAL birthday is in December, yet we are now celebrating another birthday July 1st. I'll let him tell you the exact nature of the issue (its not drugs or alcohol), but he has been fighting an addiction now for many years and is "clean and sober" for two years. One thing I've learned growing up in a culture of recovery is that your sobriety date is indeed a birthday, a day to celebrate the new life you received as a result of choosing to give up what has been controlling you and accepting a new way of living...choosing everyday to fight against what is comfortable, what kills the pain, what is 'easy' and instead choosing to be honest with God, oneself, and others. J is ready to celebrate making it to two years and doesn't care who knows why...so if you want to make his day, give him a call and tell him "Happy Birthday!!!" He'll know what you mean. :)
The past 4 1/2 years, since I've known of this struggle have certainly been challenging. As much as it would be nice to have never gone through what we've gone through, the reality is that my husband struggles with something, as we all do, and the reality of our situation is that we would never have been more open, honest, understanding, and close than if things happened just the way they did. As much as the pain literally hurt my heart so bad and changed me, causing me to go through things I would have never imagined, the end result is that we are both continuously looking for our character defects and learning how to live, together, with each other's 100% support with a love that we never would have known for each other...as much as blind faith and newlywed trust was a wonderful feeling...we have something so much better. We know we aren't perfect and yet still our spouse is totally commited and full of love.
Things aren't perfect. What I have had to accept is that they never will be. I may be writing a blog tonight about how things have completely fallen apart and how "the other shoe has dropped". I don't know. But my faith is no longer placed in my husband as the ultimate knight in shining armour. That 100% trust, 'blind faith' regardless of all situations, only belongs to One. And, that relieves my husband of the pressure of being perfect, something he can never attain leaving him to always fail. I am a different wife than I would have been if we hadn't faced this situation...God needed to grind some things out of me that I'm sure I wouldn't have wanted to let go of otherwise. And for all of it I am grateful. My husband now has an appropriate place in my life...the head of our household, the loving and caring and provisionary husband. He is my hero but not my saviour. The man I admire in so many ways and who can have fun and play and just learn to be who God has made him to be.
Happy Birthday J...here's to many more interesting, trying, and wonderful years together. I love you.