Logan's First Birthday

I can't believe that a year ago today, right about now (8:30ish am) I was checking into the hospital to give birth to our son Logan. My water had broke and only a couple minutes later strong, obviously labor-related contractions began. All at about 5:30 in the morning on Oct. 1st, 2006.

10 1/2 hours later our son was in our arms and on my chest, lifting up his head to see the world. What a beautful moment in our lives.

Becoming a mother is nothing like you could ever expect. Some have described it as the most difficult thing anyone could ever do. And in many ways it is. Some have described it as the most rewarding thing anyone could ever do. And in many ways it is. Usually, most people describe it as being both of those things at the very same time.

Jason and I have decided to write letters to Logan on each of his birthdays until he is 21, then give him the letters as a gift. So today, it is time to write the first of (hopefully) many that will go in that special box that now sits in his closet, and I wonder what I should write to him.

Telling him I love him won't nearly be enough. I've learned, in the only way we can, that a child cannot fully appreciate the love his/her parents have for him/her until after their own child is born. Telling him how much we have sacrificed for him doesn't seem to be very productive, even though we have (and are continuously willing) to give him everything we have. Do I tell him our hopes for him. That would be too short...all we want is for him to be all God created him to be. A daunting task as parents. Do I tell him about how happy I am that he is my son and how much joy he brings me as he smiles and runs to me and hugs my neck like he'll never let go or that I'm sad because as today comes it brings me one day closer to the day that we will proudly encourage him as he lets go to be on his own?

Ah. The everlasting conundrum of being a parent. I now understand why many parents feel the need to pressure child-free couples to try to have their own. (another issue entirely...but...) Parenting is an experience you can't fully appreciate until you are sitting with your own child on the curb of the street at the state fair, the day before his first birthday, as he watches the parade of lights go by, and you are able to see the awe and wonder on his face, the incomparable excitement and wow expressed in his eyes and mouth, knowing that from this day forward you have a hand in shaping this little life that has been entrusted to you.

Yes, that is the beauty of being a parent. At least Logan's parent. And we are up for the job whatever it takes.