Thursday, August 30, 2007

Pregnancy and Infertility.

Before I begin, let me assure you that if you are pregnant or would like to be and can conceive easily, I am THRILLED for you. Pregnancy is exciting and such a blessing.

So, we are now at the point of our life where people have started asking in numbers..."are you thinking of another", "when are you having another", "do you guys want more". We are also at the point where people who had babies around the same time we had Logan are now working on #2.

I love talking about our plans to be parents. But if I talk about it, I really want to talk about it. Unfortunately, usually people don't have (or don't take) the time to have the conversation necesary to understand our situation before making judgements. And maybe they don't make judgements. Maybe I just make assumptions that they are making judgements because I'm so sensitive to it. I feel like people judge us for not having another baby or trying to become pregnant already. I feel like people think we only want one baby. Or, then there is the other side that starts out the conversation: So, planning a few years between kiddos? That's smart.

Now, how am I supposed to correct their thinking? This is a very sensitive subject to me. We are not blessed with bountiful fertility. Not yet anyway (things can always change). So its sad for me when I see someone who gets pregnant easily and "when they want it". Its like they can decide one day to get pregnant and bam...they are. As a control freak who likes to plan things, the fact that I too can't do that is sad. (a reminder: happy for others, sad for me). At the same time, there are people out there who have infertility struggles that are much worse than ours. Although technically we count as "infertile", I would say we just have fertility challenges. It is possible for us. So I feel bad about complaining and feeling bad.

Of course, this is my flesh. I know that God's plan is better than my own and that is what I desire. I am also grateful for the blessing he has given me in Logan.

Anyway, I thought I'd clear a few things up, just for the sake of doing it.

Yes, we want to have more children. No, we aren't waiting a few years. Yes, we would like to be pregnant already. No, we are not yet pregnant.

I would like to have 5 kiddos. Jason would like to have 3. We both say we'll take it one at a time and see having children as a blessing from God, and something we both desire.

We want our kids to be 15-18 months apart (me) or 18-24 months apart (J).

OK>>>***TMI WARNING***

I am not on birth control. We do not use any form of birth control. We have not used any form of bc for over two years. I do nurse, though, and have not yet had my cycle return. We plan on nursing for a while. At least for now, that means as long as I want to and Logan wants to. I don't see us nursing much past 18 months, but I am not putting a time frame on it. And, to clear even more things up, yes, there is a chance of us becoming pregnant *wink*.

So, although we have wanted to be pregnant already for several months, it hasn't happened. We also fully realize (at least now we do) that it will probably be at least several more months before we get pregnant. Just, please know, that we are leaving it open to God at this point...its not on our schedule. So, try to avoid the "why aren't you pg yet" or "don't you want more babies?" questions. I love to talk about it, but there are positive ways to phrase things so that it doesn't stick a knife in the wound. Also, I love to share in the excitement when I hear of (insert name of friend)'s pregnancy. And I try very much not to let my pain show. But if I do (and I think I've gotten much better), please forgive me! I am extremely happy for you and DO want to hear about it.

And I leave with a positive thing about fertility issues...at least ours...I can feel free not to be on bc or have to worry about bc (at least for now), because God is naturally spacing out kiddos out within a happy range and we don't have to worry about it. There is something freeing in our marriage and family because of that. Praise God for the opportunity to learn to rely on him more.

6 comments:

Mandi said...

Marie,
I had no idea. Thank you for being honest and open about everything. I don't really know what else to say...I never have the words in a situation like this. But I am looking forward to getting to know you better in our small group!
M.

amelia said...

Thanks for your honesty. I think it is good for friends to hear about the best way to be a friend to you on a sensitive issue.

I hate the struggle between flesh and spirit--but it is those tender places in our heart that seem to stretch us the most, huh? I'll join you in prayer for God's timing on another precious babe.

{{{Hugs}}}

FunkyMonkeyJunk said...

((((Marie)))) Thank you so much for your honesty! I will not assume that I understand what you're going through, but I connected with a LOT of what you said.

Unlike you, after our long journey, I have to work hard to not get offended when people ask such personal family planning questions. In my mind, if I have stuff to share, I'll share it. If not, don't ask questions like "When do you plan...?" It really does blow me away how comfortable people are asking about such a personal and sensitive issue, without any tact whatsoever.

I will say that hearing your faith in this area is such an encouragement to me! This is another thing I struggle with...having faith that our Father has walked this path before me. The Type A in me wants to run ahead of Him.

Most of all, thank you for sharing your story. I love knowing how the Lord is working in your life in this area. Thank you!

Andi

Pandamonium said...

God has really taught me this past year that the questions involving people's plans for children are not a good idea...ever. Wait for the person to volunteer the information as you have so honestly and eloquently done.

That said...I'm so encouraged by your last paragraph where you said it being such a relief to just enjoy your relationship and let God do the children spacing. God does know the birthday of every child beforehand. We were discouraged when things didn't happen with Little Baby on our timeline. But now looking back, we wouldn't trade another month's egg/sperm combination for her just to have our timeline accomplished. God knows the right time, the right month, the right soul to compliment your family. Our job is having the hope and faith that it WILL happen. And when you don't have faith - we'll have it for you. :)

Ross & Ashley said...

You are so brave to truly let this be God's choice for your family, what a strong example you are to me (and I'm sure others). It's so great seeing what wonderful parents you are to Logan (thank goodness for blog world where we can all stay connected). I will say a prayer for you that God answers the desires of yours and Jason's hearts!

Alison said...

You have been so honest and inspiring about the way you are letting God shape your family. I too can't get over the comments people make! We've had people point blank ask us WHAT MONTH we plan to start trying for our 3rd! Hello, that's private! We love you guys!