Personalized Goodies - Here's Hoping...

Now that we are so close to the triple threat of school starting up again, new names, and adoption day, I have this huge desire to complete my kids' collection of things that are personalized.  There are at least 5 items I want to get for each of my kiddos, each with its own purpose and meaning.

1.  Personalized Pencils - Totally Practical
Four of my kids will be in public school this fall.  Two of them are changing their names.  One of those is changing schools completely.  Another is starting Pre-K.  I think it would be awesome to send them to school with names on their pencils to help remind them how to spell their new first and last names.  The first names are easy to write, once they get used to it (and they've been practicing for months), but our last name is a different story.  It's not Smith or Jones or White or Brown.  It's complicated.  People always mispronounce it and misspell it.  The Pre-K kiddo will be learning to write her name (hopefully...).  Wouldn't it be great if they had their name on their pencils to act as a reminder without having to raise their hand and ask the teacher to help them spell their own names?  And, of course, I can't get these three pencils without getting a set for Logan...that wouldn't be write.  (Get it?)
Total Cost: $40 (Oriental Trading Company, Mustache set, Snowflake Set, Hibiscus Set, and Camouflage set + Shipping)

2.  Pencil Cases - Fairly Practical
Each of the kids needs to have a pencil case for their class.  They are on the required list for school supplies. It would be great if their pencil cases had a bit of personal flair including their name.  Not only would it be a second reminder of how to spell their names, it would also be a bit easier to help them keep track of their own cases, not "accidentally" taking a friends home or each others to school.  No, it's not absolutely necessary but I'd love to do it.
Total Cost: $40 (Etsy)

3.  Water Bottles - Completely Practical
I've learned in the last two weeks that I don't have a sufficient number of water bottles for the various activities we have to attend.  I don't even have 8 (one for each of us) so that in itself is a problem.  I have several theme-park refillable cups but they aren't seal-able so they can't be packed or really trusted in the hands of my kids.  I have sippy cups but my self-respectable "Big Kids" aren't cool with using their baby brother's sippy cups.  Now, since I need to buy some water bottles, I might as well buy them with their names on it.  Not only is it cool to have their names on their bottles it cuts down on the fighting immensely (That's MY Water Bottle...MOOOOOOOOM).
Total Cost: $60ish  I really haven't priced them yet.

4.  Sleeping Bags - Meh...Needed and Only Kind-of Practical.
Logan has a sleeping bag.  Summer has two, one personalized with her name on it.  My other 4 (well, the 3 older ones) have been hoping they get one too.  There really hasn't been a need for one though because as foster children they can't spend the night places, they aren't allowed to sleep anywhere in the house other than their beds, and well, camping can be approved but it hasn't been practical knowing that we'd need approval in advance.  So, they need a sleeping bag anyway.  Summer has one that has her name on it with a cute design.  I'd like to do the same for the other 4 (Logan wouldn't care about that...he's proud of his "grown-up" bag).  I know it seems like a luxury, and it is kind-of, having their own sleeping bag is a tangible symbol of not having to follow the rules of foster care anymore.  Being able to drop their own sleeping bag on the floor in my room or a tent in the backyard is a form of proof that they'll never have to leave.
Total Cost: $240ish from Lillian Vernon

5. Bean Bags - Completely Unnecessary, really
We're redoing our playroom and making it an actual playroom with centers and (gasp) real furniture.  We've moved a tv up their for movie nights or when friends are over and the adults want to have adult time downstairs.  I really would like to have them all have their own bean bags (again, personalized so they don't fight about them...).
Total Cost: $300-$600ish, depending on whether I can find them all as clearance-priced on Lillian Vernon

6. Bath Towels - Absolutely Practical
I'm also redoing the upstairs bathroom.  Towels are chaos. We've never really had a set for the kids other than those ones they've outgrown (you know, baby ones with the hoodies) and so we have a mismatched set of old towels that end up being thrown around the house and not stored well.  What I'd like to do is buy two towels for each kid.  I'd like them to have their names on them.  This way they can each hang their "clean" towel on their own hook in the bathroom and have one in the wash.  If they don't hang up their towel or make sure it gets into the wash they don't have a clean towel to use.  If I find one on the floor after bath-time I know exactly who it belongs to.  You know...all that kind of stuff.
Total Cost: $300ish.

So, there you have it.  Unfortunately, with our budget swing post-adoption I don't know if or when I'll ever be able to buy these things for my kiddos.  Well, such is life.  But now you know what's going through my head.

Foster Parent Friday - Between Fosterhood and Adoption

We are currently in that awkward stage between fosterhood, where everything is by the book and you don't know what is coming around the next corner, and adoption where you move on with your life as a forever family.  We've had a termination trial, had a final order signed (after a random 3 1/2 month wait), and waited out our 90 day appeal period.  This puts us in the place where the department (CPS) has permanent managing coservatorship of our kiddos (in other words is the permanent parents and legally responsible party) and biological parents no longer have any parental rights (and, theoretically in most cases would be out of the picture at least in a far distant corner of the picture).

While there is "no chance" the biological family can come back around and try to regain custody somehow, we are still not their forever, legal, family. Technically, we are still foster parents and will remain so until the adoption is finalized.  This is such an awkward place to be because in our heads and hearts we are their parents, we are a family, and nothing will change that.  The decision to adopt these children has come and gone.  The kids call us mom and dad.  They are all siblings.  Generally, day-to-day, our life is now normal as if it will be after adoption.

There are some things, however, that are still not normal.  We no longer have to deal with parental visits but we do still need to schedule time for CASA visits 2x per month (or more because she also likes to spend time 1x1 with the kiddos), monthly with the children's caseworker, and now monthly with our family's caseworker because they changed the rules from quarterly to monthly on us.  We no longer have to try to fit in court regularly, worrying about whether the judge will send them home, but we do have to arrange for "263 hearings" on occasion.  We aren't dealing with weekly supervised and unsupervised visits but we are still managing monthly contact with their birth father per our agreement (this will continue post adoption).  Birth mother doesn't get to see or talk to them but that doesn't mean she doesn't try regularly.  I am happy to report that we've been told (in writing) we no longer have to worry about cutting their hair but I'll tell you, after having chopped off 8 inches from one of my daughter's locks, I still worry about whether they'll approve of my choices or not.  These things are all manageable nuisances that I understand and deal with but look forward to getting rid of.  

Then there is the category of things that really grates on mie.  I still cannot make decisions on my own for
"my" kids like I can for my forever kids.  I can't take them on an impromptu weekend vacation (though it wouldn't be too hard for me to get permission).  I can't let them camp out in my room one night to watch a movie as a family before we go to bed.  I can't let them camp out in the playroom together one night either, for that matter.  Technically I can't let them go spend the night with their cousins or let their cousins spend the night at my home and I still have to worry whether we'll get a surprise inspection by licensing and have a friend over who hasn't had a background check.  Though we have "safe" places for "not-too-dangerous" medication that our 1 year old son needs several times a day,  I still have to double-lock it on the off-chance someone will stop by and go digging through our cabinets.  And I still can't have a trampoline.

Then we have our awkward situation with names.  We're only kind-of allowed to call our children by their new adoptive names.  This is ok for our younger kiddos (one of whom insists her name is her new name anyway and handles that for us) but it is difficult for our older kiddos who are starting new classes this next year and need to know how to read, write, and respond to their new names.  Their names aren't legally changing until a couple days after school starts so we can't technically call them by their new names and I'm ok with that except for the fact that they need to be used to responding to their teachers and writing their new names when school comes.  Plus, I'd like to purchase some personal supplies and I don't want to be accused of pushing the lines.  

Finally - the thing that is most challenging for me during this time - still being foster mom.  Generally this is not a  problem for mie (see above list of annoyances).  But there are those times I'm asked the dreaded question, usually by people in an official capacity:

"Are you his foster mom?"

I don't know why this gets at mie so much and I can't let it roll of my back but I've had a seriously hard time holding my tongue, especially when it comes to Baby Baby, the one I hear about it most.  He's a great kid with several medical challenges so I see a lot of specialists, nurses, and other staff who don't know anything about us except for what they see in the medical file.  They ask harmlessly but it seriously strikes as a knife when I hear it particularly because at this point in the case I'm forced to answer yes.  Yes, I suppose I am still his foster mom.  Oh and every time I hear it the Mama Bear in mie comes out and I want to scream to them through the phone...I am his ONLY mom.  I have raised this baby since he was 4 days old, since he came from the hospital.  He would not know his birth mother from anyone else.  I have been there for every moment with him, through hospitalizations and breathing treatments, through the milestones and celebrations. To HIM, I am his mama and he would tell you nothing else.  It is evident in the way he lights up and runs to mie when he sees mie (though daddy is the clear favorite right now).  In a crowded room I  am the one he runs to for safety.  But yes.  I am his foster mom.  Just foster mom.

Oh how I long for the day when I can say, without any sort of reservation, I am their mother, just plain mom, forever.