Foster Parent Friday - Between Fosterhood and Adoption

We are currently in that awkward stage between fosterhood, where everything is by the book and you don't know what is coming around the next corner, and adoption where you move on with your life as a forever family.  We've had a termination trial, had a final order signed (after a random 3 1/2 month wait), and waited out our 90 day appeal period.  This puts us in the place where the department (CPS) has permanent managing coservatorship of our kiddos (in other words is the permanent parents and legally responsible party) and biological parents no longer have any parental rights (and, theoretically in most cases would be out of the picture at least in a far distant corner of the picture).

While there is "no chance" the biological family can come back around and try to regain custody somehow, we are still not their forever, legal, family. Technically, we are still foster parents and will remain so until the adoption is finalized.  This is such an awkward place to be because in our heads and hearts we are their parents, we are a family, and nothing will change that.  The decision to adopt these children has come and gone.  The kids call us mom and dad.  They are all siblings.  Generally, day-to-day, our life is now normal as if it will be after adoption.

There are some things, however, that are still not normal.  We no longer have to deal with parental visits but we do still need to schedule time for CASA visits 2x per month (or more because she also likes to spend time 1x1 with the kiddos), monthly with the children's caseworker, and now monthly with our family's caseworker because they changed the rules from quarterly to monthly on us.  We no longer have to try to fit in court regularly, worrying about whether the judge will send them home, but we do have to arrange for "263 hearings" on occasion.  We aren't dealing with weekly supervised and unsupervised visits but we are still managing monthly contact with their birth father per our agreement (this will continue post adoption).  Birth mother doesn't get to see or talk to them but that doesn't mean she doesn't try regularly.  I am happy to report that we've been told (in writing) we no longer have to worry about cutting their hair but I'll tell you, after having chopped off 8 inches from one of my daughter's locks, I still worry about whether they'll approve of my choices or not.  These things are all manageable nuisances that I understand and deal with but look forward to getting rid of.  

Then there is the category of things that really grates on mie.  I still cannot make decisions on my own for
"my" kids like I can for my forever kids.  I can't take them on an impromptu weekend vacation (though it wouldn't be too hard for me to get permission).  I can't let them camp out in my room one night to watch a movie as a family before we go to bed.  I can't let them camp out in the playroom together one night either, for that matter.  Technically I can't let them go spend the night with their cousins or let their cousins spend the night at my home and I still have to worry whether we'll get a surprise inspection by licensing and have a friend over who hasn't had a background check.  Though we have "safe" places for "not-too-dangerous" medication that our 1 year old son needs several times a day,  I still have to double-lock it on the off-chance someone will stop by and go digging through our cabinets.  And I still can't have a trampoline.

Then we have our awkward situation with names.  We're only kind-of allowed to call our children by their new adoptive names.  This is ok for our younger kiddos (one of whom insists her name is her new name anyway and handles that for us) but it is difficult for our older kiddos who are starting new classes this next year and need to know how to read, write, and respond to their new names.  Their names aren't legally changing until a couple days after school starts so we can't technically call them by their new names and I'm ok with that except for the fact that they need to be used to responding to their teachers and writing their new names when school comes.  Plus, I'd like to purchase some personal supplies and I don't want to be accused of pushing the lines.  

Finally - the thing that is most challenging for me during this time - still being foster mom.  Generally this is not a  problem for mie (see above list of annoyances).  But there are those times I'm asked the dreaded question, usually by people in an official capacity:

"Are you his foster mom?"

I don't know why this gets at mie so much and I can't let it roll of my back but I've had a seriously hard time holding my tongue, especially when it comes to Baby Baby, the one I hear about it most.  He's a great kid with several medical challenges so I see a lot of specialists, nurses, and other staff who don't know anything about us except for what they see in the medical file.  They ask harmlessly but it seriously strikes as a knife when I hear it particularly because at this point in the case I'm forced to answer yes.  Yes, I suppose I am still his foster mom.  Oh and every time I hear it the Mama Bear in mie comes out and I want to scream to them through the phone...I am his ONLY mom.  I have raised this baby since he was 4 days old, since he came from the hospital.  He would not know his birth mother from anyone else.  I have been there for every moment with him, through hospitalizations and breathing treatments, through the milestones and celebrations. To HIM, I am his mama and he would tell you nothing else.  It is evident in the way he lights up and runs to mie when he sees mie (though daddy is the clear favorite right now).  In a crowded room I  am the one he runs to for safety.  But yes.  I am his foster mom.  Just foster mom.

Oh how I long for the day when I can say, without any sort of reservation, I am their mother, just plain mom, forever.

Moolah Monday - Adoption Subsidy

Hello Everyone - Nice to see you again! I've been on a special work assignment for several weeks that encouraged mie to keep away from the computer and, for the most part, I did just that.  I didn't check up on anything, including the blog, for nearly 2 months.

In that time we've had several major events progressing us (finally) to adoption of our kiddos.  Someone mentioned the other day that we'll have 6 kids in our family as though it was just about to happen.  It was a quick-said, well-meant thing by someone I hadn't seen in a while but I did correct her by pointing out we've been a family of 8 with 6 kids for well over a year (19 months if you count the time since we got Baby-Baby, 14 if you count all 4).  Baby Baby is no longer a baby.  He's walking and spouting off 2-3 word phrases as he seems fit.  All the other kids continue to grow and progress and are very much ours.  And yet, the adoption that "should have been" final in March or April is now scheduled for September.  We have an actual date to consummate the adoption in court.  Stay tuned.

The last thing we were waiting for before scheduling an adoption date was to negotiate adoption subsidy for our children.  This must be done before signing the adoptive placement agreement that formally moves our kids out of foster care in order to obtain subsidy support.

Children adopted from foster care are often eligible for an array of financially supportive benefits (often referred to as subsidy or adoption benefits) in order to encourage families to adopt from foster care.  Adoption benefits are typically provided through federal funding (and therefore include standard eligibility requirements across the states) but are administered by the state or local agencies and sometimes funded by the state which means there are variations by state, particularly in the amount of funding.  With that said, keep in mind what I share today is specifically for our home state (Texas) and may be somewhat different than what is available in another state.  That being said, adoption benefits are a very beneficial, less-well-known benefit available to those who wish to adopt from foster care, often making foster care and foster-care adoption more realistic to families who otherwise would be concerned about the financial "burden" of adopting.

Eligibility
Generally, eligibility for adoption subsidy is determined by federal eligibility requirements designed to encourage the adoption of children who are harder-to-adopt.  In other words, there are lots of families out there looking to adopt a newborn baby without exposure to drugs and without medical concerns.  The more you mess with that equation the less-likely the average family is to want to adopt a child.  Things like race, medical/developmental concerns, behaviors, and age all may make a child less-appealing to the average family.  All children over 6, minority children over the age of 2, and those who are diagnosed with a "permanently handicapping condition" are generally considered eligible for adoption benefits.  In addition, sibling groups (or children being placed for adoption with a sibling who was already a permanent member of the family) are eligible for subsidy because there are fewer families willing to adopt 2, 3, or more children than those willing to consider adding one child.

For a real-example, Summer was a 2-year-old Caucasian female at the time of her adoption.  She was not being placed for adoption with a biological sibling.  She did not, at the time, have a diagnose-able disability.  Therefore, she did not qualify for adoption benefits.  Our newest children are of a racial minority.  Three of them are over 2 years old and therefore would qualify for adoption subsidy on their own if placed separately.  The baby is not yet 2.  We could wait until he was 2 to adopt him so that he was eligible, but that is not necessary because he (and all of them) are eligible for benefits because they are being placed together as a sibling group.

(Since Summer's adoption she has been diagnosed with a "permanently handicapping condition" and we have a letter from her pediatrician saying as much.  With that in mind, we can appeal her original ruling of ineligibility and attempt to negotiate subsidy with her as well.  We will likely do that).

Benefits
Adoption benefits come in 4 main forms:

1. College Tuition
2. Medicaid
3. Non-Recurring Adoption Benefits
4. Recurring Adoption Benefits/Monthly Support

All children in Texas who are adopted from foster care will receive College Tuition.  I'm not entirely sure how this works everywhere but I'm told it is a federal program for all children to receive this benefit whether or not they are eligible for other adoption benefits.  (Don't quote me on that but do ask everyone you can in your state about it.  We found out after the fact that Summer is indeed eligible for college tuition.)  College tuition in Texas includes all tuition at state-funded colleges up through and including doctoral studies.  That is awesome/  

Because my newest children are eligible for subsidy, they automatically earn Medicaid and Non-Recurring Adoption Benefits on top of College Tuition.  Medicaid will serve as primary medical insurance if I do not obtain private insurance.  That being said, adding my newest 4 to my insurance doesn't cost me extra so I will go that route (and have with 3 of them so far). This means that medicaid is the secondary insurer and basically covers copayments.  This is a nice benefit at the least and vital in many cases.  

Non-Recurring adoption benefits include two things, the most common of which is attorney's fees for the adoption.  In our area there are several adoption attorneys that contract with the state (that are very good!) so that the payment goes directly to the attorney and no money ever comes out of the adoptive family's pocket for the adoption itself.  The amount is $1200 per child.  In some cases the children will have one-time expenses that facilitate the family being able to adopt the child.  For example, maybe a parent is willing to adopt a child in a wheelchair and needs to retrofit their home to add a ramp or maybe needs vehicle modifications to accommodate a lift.  In these cases the family might also be eligible for a one-time payment to cover the cost of the modifications.  This is generally not available to families currently fostering the child prior to adoption because the thought is the parents are already caring for the child in a way that meets care standards and therefore any additional support should not be necessary.  

Recurring adoption benefits/monthly support is generally the piece of adoption benefits that must be negotiated.  In Texas (currently) the amount of monthly support is capped based on level-of-care.  All of our children are considered basic level-of-care and therefore are eligible for up-to $400 per month for adoption subsidy payments until they each turn 18 years old.  The amount is only slightly higher for higher levels-of-care and in all cases is less than the amount received as foster-care payments.  Though income is not a consideration in eligibility it can be a consideration during negotiation for the amount of subsidy to be received by child.  The adoptive parents submit detailed explanation for expected expenses as part of the application for adoption subsidy and the negotiator reviews to determine how much of each eligible expense the family is expected to pay and how much the state is expected to pay, by percent.  For example, in our case I indicated daycare expenses, per child, would be $750 per month until they were old enough to not have childcare (at which point other costs would kick-in).  The negotiator could look at our income and determine that our family is expected to pay 90% of that amount and the state only 10%, so that would mean $75 toward monthly subsidy, and so on for other expenses.

Honestly I was very nervous about how much the negotiator would take our income into account.  We definitely make "enough" money to provide for our family but we also are adopting 4 children and it is expensive to raise 4 children, especially when we lose the $2800 monthly we're currently receiving as foster-care subsidy in addition to the daycare currently paid for by the state.  In the end though, the negotiator was kind and determined our family should receive the $400 benefit, per child, without considering our income too much.

Now that we have a signed agreement we are ready to move forward to adoption!