Tuesday's Tears: Donations Part II

Yesterday I told you about how blessed I was and how receiving a bag of clothes for little girls completely reminded mie of that blessing.  I wanted to keep writing, because I wasn’t done on the subject, but the post was already really long and the second half will prove to be equally so – and take a bit of a different direction.

Tuesday’s Tears.  Sometimes these topics are truly things that make me cry out of anguish and pain – like when my uncle was murdered or when the system reared it’s ugly head and we “lost” our daughter’s brother.  Sometimes they are my thoughts on stories and trends I see out there in the world, like verbal abuse.  Other times my frustrations get the best of mie and I rant about how challenging it can be to remain patient when 4 kids decide to try and run rampant.  (By the way, I forgot to add in that post that I believe this was just kids being kids – I don’t blame them a bit and though it was crazy I still had everything under control, with help of course from the One who is really in control).

Today’s topic represents tears of a different sort - tears of passion.  Passion of a woman’s heart that has been transformed to be madly in love with children she didn’t birth and of the mission to truly care for each orphaned child, whether orphaned temporarily (foster) or permanently (adoption).  Admittedly, it took infertility to get mie to the place where I am today – the place where I believe I understand more about our need to rise up and care for kids who are not biologically our own and yet desperately need us as parents. 

Truth be told – we need them as our children too, maybe even more so.  I didn’t intend to go here, but what would be a post from Mie without at least one aside?  We talk about how children are a blessing.  In some Christian circles there is the concept (from the Bible) about how children are a measure of blessing and he who has a “Quiver full” is blessed indeed.  Though this is not the predominant belief in American or European cultures, surely you can imagine why in Biblical times children were understood to be a blessing.  Not only was there less of an understanding of how scientifically the body worked to reproduce and therefore there was a natural understanding that there was a supernatural intervention to create life but from a purely practical perspective if a couple, especially a woman, was without child they had no one to care for them as they aged.  They desperately needed children to be able to survive.  This is no longer true in America.  In fact, the common perception is that the child-free couple or those who have a minimum amount of children are better able to provide for themselves a life worth living.  They have less expenses.  They have more time to travel and pursue their hobbies and interests than someone with children.  So, absent the survival need for children, they have now become more commonly considered a burden rather than a blessing.  If you disagree or don’t believe mie, just pay attention to how people around you talk about children…better yet, take 4 with you, by yourself, to the grocery store and see how many people give looks, chatter amongst themselves, and often times say some random things.

Christmas Eve I did just that (it wasn’t the first, or the last time either).  My kids were singing Christmas carols through the aisles, all off-key, singing different songs none of whom (except maybe Logan) knew the correct words or tune.  Nevertheless they were full of joy and with the exception of a few random hair pulls or reaches for products on the shelf they were very well behaved, especially considering none of them had been able to nap that day.  Some people saw what I saw – the beauty of the season through these precious kiddos eyes.  There were others who thought I was crazy I’m sure but were polite enough to force themselves to say something with good intentions, like “you sure have your hands full!”  There was this one set of ladies though with whom I almost lost it.  I don’t get that way often but they stirred a passion in mie that I almost couldn’t control.  I think it was a mother and daughter or maybe an older sister and younger sister.  As often seen around here, they had pristine hair and makeup far more worthy of Nordstroms than the Target produce section where we happened to cross paths.  As I joyfully danced to the tunes my kids were singing and talked to them as we picked out our produce I caught their glance and overt whispers.  No amount of applied beauty products could cover whatever ugliness was in their hearts and whispers.  Granted, I couldn’t hear what they actually said, but it was clear that it had something to do with mie being the crazy lady who clearly hadn’t learned where babies come from.  I almost lost it and walked over to them to not-so-kindly tell them that I was a foster parent and ask them what THEY were doing for others on Christmas Eve.  I was furious at their audacious judgment and self-righteous indignation.  It still fires mie up.  But I controlled myself and just went on enjoying my shopping trip. 

You may have noticed a theme in the foster parenting blogosphere over the past few days.  It’s right up my alley and I pray it turns into a groundswell for community awareness for foster parenting.  Seriously, I already have the ad campaign written and if I knew how to market it (not to make money, but just to continue to spread the word) I’d do it in a heartbeat.

I’ve said it before, one of the comments I (and most foster parents for that matter) hear most frequently when we tell others about what we do is “I could never do that”.  Often times that statement is well-meaning and accompanied by many thanks and acclamations of sainthood.  Other times it’s paired with “You must be crazy”.  Yes people actually say that.

The truth with mie and apparently many others is that I am not special.  I just said yes.  Follow the embedded links and you can learn how Tammy, MamaFoster, The Wright Family, and Maggie aren’t super special either (though I love them all).  We and many other men and woman have chosen to acknowledge reality outside our homes and accept the risk that comes with providing for children who need parents.  Despite what so many tell us, we aren’t saints.  We aren’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  Many (though not all) of us initially began our foster care experience for less-than-altruistic intentions – we wanted to be parents and hoped fostering would give us a chance to adopt at some point.  But we’ve all come to the same conclusion.  Children, though yes they are a lot of work, are still a blessing today.  Yes there is pain involved in letting a kid go after you’ve raised them in your home for a period of time.  But it’s worth it.  We are at the point now where we can say without a shadow of a doubt WE are the blessed ones in this relationship.

Others before mie have shared some of their reality so I’ll share a glimpse of mine too.

• I still have almost all of my Christmas decorations up in my home.  All, of course, except the tree ornaments which came of ASAP because I was dead tired of keeping the youngest (#10) from throwing them around the house and eating them.  Yes, I said eating them.  I have no idea when they’ll eventually get taken down.
• I sent more than half of my Christmas cards out in the middle of January - and I’m not Orthodox.
• This morning despite waking up 30 minutes early and getting out of the house 15-30 minutes earlier than usual I was still late to work.  Why?  Because after dropping off the first two kiddos at their daycare, driving the other two the extra 10 minutes to their daycare, and then walking them in to their classrooms I got back into the car to find a voicemail from the first daycare that said I had brought #10 in with only one shoe.  The honest truth?  I would have left him there with 1 shoe if it hadn’t been for their visit today.  I’m perfectly ok with being the mom who leaves their 1 year old at daycare with only 1 shoe on most days, but not on visit days.  So, I drove the long way back to their daycare because by the time I got the message I was already past the point where I could literally “turn around” and I happily delivered the lost shoe.  From the time I left my house it took mie 1 hour and 15 minutes to drive the 26 miles to work.
• I once told one of my children to drink their spit in their mouth when they told mie they were thirsty and it earned mie quite the scowl from the other “soccer moms”.  It doesn’t matter that he’d just finished a 16 oz drink after finishing 2 chocolate milks at dinner within the past 15 minutes and I knew that this was just an attempt for him to get attention at least in part due to his RADish behavior.  I was an evil parent.
• Last weekend when the 3^rd child of the day pooped in her pants and we were at the park, I took a look to see that it was still coming out.  I simply “caught it” with a baby wipe and took it to the trashcan and let the kids finish playing.  

Like the others - though I try - I can’t prevent every injury, I don’t always talk with perfect love despite the fact it is our family rule, I’m not always patient, and sometimes I want to run away.

But the blessing we’ve received is that while many people acknowledge these “weaknesses” in themselves and use it as an excuse to not get involved, we’ve said yes anyway and that has produced refinement.  No, I’m not always patient but if you hang out with mie and my kids most days I do believe I’m more patient than many.  Why?  Because I’ve learned to be patient.  What else are you going to do with this many kids?  How else are you going to get themall home from school and fed and to bed while they’re all tired and hungry and ornery?  You have to be patient.  You have to choose love when you don’t have those natural biological feelings of love you might get when you carry a child for 9 months and then birth them.  When you go from 1 child to 3 to 1 to 2 to 3 to 2 to 4 to 2 to 4 to 2 to 4 and other than saying yes to accept a new placement you have no control over what happens to these kids you have to learn to be flexible.  And so the “singing” chaos in Target on Christmas Eve is now something you enjoy rather than an obnoxious annoyance.

And you know that even though these kids may not remember you because they were too young, you had a chance in shaping the lives of each one that comes through your home, no matter how long or short they are there, no matter if you “liked them” or not, no matter if they left your home and went straight back into the environment they came from.  You protected them and provided for them for those hours, days, weeks, and years and you hope that for a lifetime they're better off because of it.

And YOU got to be a part of something like that. 

You no longer care if you will get to go to Tahiti this year or if you’ll ever get to see Stonehenge.  You don’t care if your furniture has no doors for safety reasons (sorry I’d give credit but I don’t remember who that was!) or if your homestudy says your home is decorated “simply and functionally” rather than elegantly.  You don’t care if your TV isn’t the newest model and if, indeed, it has a horizontal blue line across the bottom.  You’re grateful for - of all things - a washing machine that doesn’t pour water all over the place because you are simultaneously potty training, managing a stomach bug, and dealing with mounds of mud from where grass used to be but you haven’t had a chance to replant yet and doing that with 4 kids and no washing machine proves challenging.

You care about lives.  You say yes to almost any placement because you know deep in your heart that these lives of kids you’ve never met are worth it and because you said yes you’ll be blessed immeasurably – definitely not with material gain despite the fact we’re reminded “some people do it for the money” on the news or documentaries, but blessed with things money can’t buy.  Memories and life lessons not easily learned elsewhere.  You’re blessed knowing that if you’re granted the chance to live to be grey sitting on a front porch rocker you will look back and know that you are a better person than you would have been and your life experiences were the important ones.  You will have never wasted a moment on something fleeting – kids don’t give you that chance J

So how does this tie into my post yesterday about donations?  Because some people may truly not be called to be foster or adoptive parents.  Though I think more people are being called that ignore said call, there are some who are not supposed to foster.  And because there are some that are called and yet despite everything I could ever tell you about how blessed I am for saying yes you still will choose to say “I couldn’t do it”.  For all of you who for one reason or another choose not to foster – you can still get involved.  Very clearly – help those of us who’ve already said yes.  Take your turn to say yes by helping those of us who do.

Some have suggested you provide meals.  Great idea.  Typically though new parents will get meals from friends and family, foster parents rarely get that same type of support when they have a new placement even though they often will add 2 or 3 children to their home at a time. 

Here’s another idea.  Find safe kids things.  Clean them and collect them.  Heck – just collect them because we’ll clean them anyway, we’re used to it.  Then find a foster parent who needs something.  We almost always could find use for something or, if we can’t in our home we will find another foster parent or even a birth parent who is really working their plan who needs these things and we’ll make a way to get it there.  Here are suggestions:

·         Beds – cribs, pack n plays, toddler beds, twin beds, bunk beds, futons, anything.  And for that matter – bedding sets.

·         Pack n’ plays, swings, car seats (not expired), booster seats, strollers, etc.  Even if we have one trust mie we can use another.  Example – in our family we have 7 car seats.  That’s because different kids need different sizes.  And still, with that arrangement, we sometimes have to drive 50 extra miles in a day to switch cars so that we can manage pick-up and drop off because we don’t have enough car seats for the less-used car.  And 2 are expiring later this year so we’ll have to buy more.  That means if nothing else changes in our family we’re short at least 4 car seats this year.  If nothing else changes, and that's not likely.

·         Booster seats, sippy cups, kids utensils and dinnerwear, bibs, towels, washcloths, bath toys, toothbrushes and toothpaste.

·         Toys – of all ages, types, and sizes, indoor and outdoor (no trampolines, door-jam jumpers, or walkers).  Because we care more that our kids can play with stuff than whether it clutters our house.

·         Stuffed animals or cuddle blankets – hand made knitted or crocheted are wonderful tokens to say “you are special” to a kid in need.  My mom once knitted #7 a beanie because she’d done it for Logan.  Oh my how he loved that thing.  It showed him he was important to someone.  Think about it – there are little kids who don’t know they are important and frequently before they come to our homes they aren’t important to anyone.  Are they important to you?

·         Clothes – seriously we can use all weather, all sizes, etc.

On that note – I have a dream of setting up a closet for local foster parents.  We have something provided by the county but it has to be new stuff and obviously you can only get a little here and there.  Many foster parents have higher income levels and don't qualify for additional support set aside for those below the poverty line.  With that in mind, I want to set up a supply for my friends and family who foster so that when they have a new placement they can raid the closet for a full wardrobe.  So far I’m set for girls size 18mo - 3T and boys sizes 2T to 4T, but if I could get that “set” for babies (girl and boys, size 0-12 months) and girls 4T-5/6 and boys 5/6, I’d be able to really serve this population who volunteers their homes, hearts, and wallets to help these kids who need a home. 

Many times kids grow out of things and parents will have a yard sale and donate the leftovers.  Consider finding a foster parent to donate to.  Sometimes people see a good deal at the store and want to buy it but don’t need it themselves – buy it for a foster parent.  Earn a free gallon of milk with grocery store rewards points?  Just drop it off at your local foster or adoptive parents home – I’m sure they could use it or again they’ll find someone who will.  Buy a lot of clothes off ebay – pick up a playset and deliver it from Craigslist – see a dresser on the side of the road pick it up and bring it over.  We can use it.  I promise.  And though it may not match our décor – we’ll make it work.  We’re great at that.

Don’t have any money?  Come do our laundry one day – or play with our kids while we mop the floor.  Let us take a nap when we’re sick.  Take them to the park so we can plan meals for a week.  Bring your own kids over to play – trust mie, one or several more won’t bother us at all if it means we have the chance to get something else done around the house.  Offer to come with us when we go grocery shopping – it really helps to have someone stay with the cart and other kids when one of the kids has to go to the bathroom – NOW.  Offer to wash our car or the windows or clean our showers because seriously that stuff doesn’t get done nearly as often as it needs to.

It really doesn’t matter what you do – if you can’t or won’t foster/adopt yourselves, if you really care but would say “I don’t think I could do that”- first rethink it, maybe you can – I’d say try it yourself you might be surprised.  We were.  Second – reach out and do something to help us – whatever you do it will be helpful AND it will encourage us and rejuvenate us so that we can keep going.  I’ve had 10 kids in 18 months in addition to my own biological son.  Think about your circle of friends – how many of them have added 10 kids and lost 7 in the past 2 years?  I’m not looking for credit – I’ve already explained I’ve been paid in full.  My point is this – if you know those who’ve experienced something in the past 2 years and you’ve felt the call to help them out – try not to ignore the need for those in the community, first of all the kids and second those who don’t have to and yet still reach out and open their homes and lives to the risk of pain in order to help those kids in need. 

We are extremely grateful to everyone who recognizes the effort we make and even more so decides to join us on the journey.

Letting Go of Mie's First Anniversary

It was 1 year ago today that I decided to make-over my blog.  Previously titled "Life of Auntie Mie", I decided to re-purpose my little home here in an effort to be intentional with writing down our experiences primarily in foster care and therapeutically work out what God was doing in my life.  I had come to the point in my life's journey where I had realized that I could not be in control of my own life and the more I tried to hang onto that control the more the lesson about letting go was beat into mie.  Hence the title and, at least to mie, the theme of my writing.  2011 was no exception as we dealt with a few more surprises in life, not the least of which was adopting our 4th foster placement and subsequently watching as her parents chose to place her sibling with another adoptive home.

I am still not in control.  (Shocking, I know).

I am so grateful I took on this effort.  I spend a lot of time each day on this blog and reading those on my reading list.  Sharing my story, providing a personal example of a foster family, writing all this down....it really does wonders for my sanity.  I truly treasure the circle of friends I count on to read and comment, many of whom share their own experiences and whom I look forward to "visiting" each day.  I feel like I'm part of this larger community, whether or not many of us have met in person, that is out there one step at a time trying to make a difference, often struggling to get through certain things that are thrown at us, but getting back up and trying again because we know what we're doing is ultimately the right thing, even though it is hard and painful at times.

I love looking at my stats, not only because it encourages mie to know how many people stop in on a daily basis but also to see what they're looking at and how they got here.  I only had about 1,000 visits prior to 2011 which makes it easy to track 2011's stats using the "all-time" option through blogger's stats.  Here are some things I find interesting:

• I had approximately 16,000 visitors in 2011.  This works out to 1333 per month or 43 per day.  
• Not including weekends (where I don't often post new things) or vacations, I typically have about 100 visitors per day.  I currently have 46 followers.  That's down by one from yesterday.
• June was my busiest month last year with 2151 visitors.  February was by far the slowest with only 580.
• My most popular post continues to be Sleep Habits of a Toddler.  Of the 10 search keywords that land people here, 7 have to do with toddlers who aren't sleeping.
• Two posts are giving sleepless toddlers a run for its money.  Foster Care - God's Model for Parenting  will pass up sleepless toddlers in no time.  Tuesday's Tears - Verbal Abuse isn't far behind.  The first doesn't surprise mie, the second does, but I think it's frequently read because abuse/verbal abuse happens to be something that is frequently searched?
• Wendi over at "Life in the..." sends the most people my way, by far.  On a daily basis, about 40-50% of my traffic heads over to mie after visiting her.
• I was really, really touched when I received my first blog award.  I felt like a real blogger.  :)
• I have 413 published comments.  I have one perpetually unpublished comment.  I don't know what to do with it - it has personal information so I don't want to publish but it's encouraging so I don't want to  delete it.
• I have 281 posts.  91 were written prior to the 2011 revamp.  That means I wrote 171 posts in 2011, not as frequent as I would have liked.

I often wonder how this compares to other people, because, you know, that's important :)  

I also often wonder where all this will lead.  I'm not doing it to go in any particular direction, but I do wonder how my passion that I hint at through this blog will further be developed in my life in the future.  I have started speaking and know that I'll probably do more writing in the future.  The difference compared to a year ago is that I know wonder how things will turn out instead of knowing how I'll make them turn out.

It appears I may have made some personal progress after all.

I'm BACK! For now...

So after being rewarded at least in part for being an informative and consistent blogger, I took a left turn and managed to drop off the face of the planet, as it seems.  I promise it wasn't intentional and I actually had really good things to blog about but as it turns out I wasn't able to.

At first I wasn't able to because I was SO busy.  I work in project management now and usually can find time to blog when I take a quick break during the day or at the beginning of the day as I'm getting my thoughts organized for what lay ahead.  Last week Two weeks ago that wasn't an option.  All of my projects began to be very needy, which means activity is happening and that's good for a project manager.  It's bad for the project manager's blog when all of it happens at once.  Then I got new kids.  Oh joy did I get new kids!  (LOVE THEM).  Then, when I finally did have a chance to sit down and blog, my computer monitor decided to stop working.  After dealing with that for a while my computer stopped working altogether.  And that was just two weeks ago.

Then last week came and on top of everything that piled up while I couldn't work the prior week I also had planned to be "on location", so-to-speak, with a project team that was secluding itself off-site to make significant progress.  I had planned to have given them as much of the week as possible as a facilitator, computer-free since I was standing up speaking and scribing most of the time.

I was able to make it into the office a few times but as it turns out, on top of fixing my monitor they decided to replace my entire computer.  It was supposed to take 15 minutes.  I didn't get a functional computer for several days.  That did not help out the previously mentioned pile o' work that was stacking up, quickly.

Then, after I received a perfectly working computer, Blogger decided it was going to stop supporting IE, at least the version I'm allowed to have on the said computer.  I'm not sure if this was really a Blogger thing or an issue resulting from a partially non-functioning computer.  It really doesn't matter.

I really was unable to blog - meaning not possible - couldn't though I tried daily.

Today I got fed-up with it and decided to take a chance with the IT folks and download Google Chrome.  To my utter surprise it actually worked and now, so does Blogger.  Perfect.  I was able to catch-up with all my friends and now begin the process of writing all the blogs I've had in my head all this time.  I have a few really good ones in mind - let's see how far I get into it before I get distracted again.

Of course I say that because this is the week before Christmas and OH how excited I am about that.  I'll be working a few days this week but then it's time off with the family, hopefully until after the new year.  I'm so looking forward to that.  I've got a trip to see Christmas lights planned, a trip with the eldest to pick out presents for his siblings, a cookie-baking day with the kids and their cousins, and just plain ol' family time.  I'm really looking forward to it so I don't know how much time I'll actually take catching up on the blog.

Hopefully it ends up being a great balance!

Liebster Blog Award

Liebster Blog Award

  

Liebster is a German word which means "dearest" or "beloved". It is also used to refer to as someone's "favorite" and the idea of the Liebster Blog Award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers that deserve more recognition and encouragement.

I was nominated by Tammy over at I Must be Trippin'.   I must admit - after seeing these on all my "friends" blogs recently I wondered whether anyone thought enough of mie to nominate my humble abode.  Miss Tammy just made my day I tell you, as she does often.  Seriously - even though sometimes I feel like a single foster mom - she actually is and that deserves so much respect.  I love to keep updated on her kiddos and their cases but most importantly I love to see her perspective with how she manages it all.  There is nothing like finding another foster mama who can articulate the craziness of living such a life and loving it in the same breath!  In case I haven't told you - I love you miss Tammy :) (But seriously - recognizing mie for keeping up with my weekly segments during the week I didn't keep up with them?  Sheesh ;)  )

There are certain rules that come with the Liebster Blog Award:

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
4. Hope that the people you've sent the award to forward it on to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!

I'm receiving this award somewhat late in it's cycle through my friends, so I'm intentionally skipping over some of my favorites like MamaFoster, Learning to Abandon, and Small Town Joy (so just remember even though I didn't officially award you you're still among my favs).   I tried to really strip out all of the previously awarded folks, but that took too much time to figure out!  Here's my 5:

1. Brit over at Living with Three Boys of our Own.  Brit and I are friends IRL, though I had her blog info before I met her!  Funny story - when we started down the foster/adopt path my cousin sent me the link to a blog from a great gal she met through her work.  She knew this gal had adopted and thought I might be interested.  I was but as things go I had no time to look at it at that point.  I saved the link for a later date.  Fast forward several, several months until the point I finally had time to look and to my surprise the link is to my friend Brit's blog!  CRAZY.  I had met Brit during that time through church and she became a big inspiration to mie.  Seriously - check her blog out and she'll inspire you too.  Be careful though - you may end up using natural products as cleaners, making your own detergent, and batch cooking.  Or you may move to rural America to provide your family a more country living despite how much your friends will miss you :)  Love you Brit.
2. Attempting Agape - I really enjoy her writing style and the topics.  For mie it's a good mix of personal example-type blog entries and more journalistic-style entries.  You can't really go wrong with that and she does it wonderfully.  More broadly though, I really appreciate her whole story that brought her to foster care to begin with - the idea of attempting to love others as Christ has commanded regardless of whether your married, single, rich, poor, old, young - I just really have a heart for her and her mission.
3. Holli over at Klein Haus Chaos.  If mie and Holli ever met I think we'd hit it off right away.  To mie there's a good mix of all that is right in life - being "in the world and not of it", practicality, crunchy parenting (my words, not hers), and choosing a ministry with foster care even though she has been blessed with 3 biological children.  She currently has 5 kids 5 and under, which seems just perfect to mie.
4. Wendi over at Life in the....  This woman was kind enough to reach out to mie on my blog years ago as I was in the muck of new infertility at the prodding of my friend Andi.  Since then I've been following her journey around the globe as they've grown their own family through birth and adoption after infertility.  Most recently she's been open in sharing her experience with PPD after the birth of their newest child and I appreciate that she's willing to share vulnerably with others in the hopes that it might reach someone still suffering.  I pray God continues to bless this family as they serve our country oversees.
5. I just recently began visiting Katie at More from the Mohrs.  I love to read her posts - who else can be so lighthearted about Rotavirus?  (I hope your kiddo gets better soon!).  Looking forward to reading more as time goes on.

Enjoy visiting some of my favorites and congratulations ladies on being on my top list, because, I know you were really wanting that for Christmas ;)

Thankful Thursday: 30 Days of Gratitude

I didn't publicly participate in any of the 30-days of gratitude festivities going on in social media.  I was protesting.  Ok, not really, but on one hand I didn't want to just do what everyone else was doing and on the other hand I was a bit bugged by it.  Don't get mie wrong, it's a good thing for folks to intentionally focus on being grateful for at least one thing each day and sharing that with others doesn't hurt.  With all the griping and complaining out there in cyber-space I have to believe that the efforts to be grateful helped make a dent in the general negativity and cynicism out there and at the very least made some people pause to correct their attitude each day.  Props for that.

The thing that bothers mie about it was plainly this - today is December 1st.  How many people are going to stop focusing on being grateful now that the 30 days are up?  How many "Day 31" posts are we going to see?  Probably not as many.  Clearly this doesn't mean people are grateful, but it did make mie pause and eventually consciously decide to not participate by posting my own daily list and rather continue with my regular activity.  More than anything, it made mie in my heart (if not on my blog) focus on how grateful I am as a lifestyle/character trait so I can check the long-term success of being grateful in my own life. 

"For this I am we are grateful." (That's a quote - does anyone know from where? Probably many places but I have one in mind).

Nevertheless, I am a grateful person and what a fitting day to intentionally share my gratitude than on Thankful Thursday.  No need to point out how ironic-if-not-hypocritical it is for mie to have a weekly feature on gratitude when I kind-of-object to a 30-day daily movement in November.  I know.

1. My God who saves mie and allows mie to be in relationship with Him for no other reason than He loves mie.
2. My husband who has committed 9+ years of his life to living life as "us".
3. My son Logan who has been a tremendous blessing from day 1, as in the day we were blessed with him through pregnancy.  He was and remains "the one we waited for".
4. Our infertility - it made us appreciate our son that much more even though the extent to which we were infertile wasn't made known to us until well after his birth.  Additionally, it led us down a path that brought us closer to God and we believe has taught us so much more about His plan for His people here on Earth that we would have missed had we not struggled with infertility.
5. Our foster care license - on our recent vacation someone (yet again) mentioned how "amazing" we are for being foster parents and living this life.  Though I appreciated the sentiment I replied, probably the first time with complete and utter honesty, no reservation, that we are the ones who are blessed through foster care.  Though having children in our family is great, the life-lessons and blessing through our participation in foster care has been more than we could have ever expected and by-far makes up for any stress caused by having "that many" "kids from difficult places".
6. God's provision through our jobs - we are incredibly blessed financially and we believe that is 100% so we can provide for others.  You don't have to have a large home to foster, but it sure has helped us be able to do more for more kiddos than we could have in our old smaller home.  Between the two of us, we've faced a few difficult years in our jobs but it has definitely, once again, been a turmoil that has caused growth in us that wouldn't have happened otherwise.
7. Our tenant - a good woman and friend and her family that we can trust with our other property.  It's a blessing to us to be able to trust she's going to care for our home probably better than we would have.
8. Our daughter - It is so wonderful to have a daughter whom we would have never thought we'd have.  More so, she is a perfect match for our family in her personality, likes and dislikes, and just basically everything about her.  We love her so much and couldn't imagine life without her.  And now I know 1200 ways to take care of ringworm.
9. A good pediatrician - speaking of ringworm - so grateful for our wonderful pediatrician who is smart, well-educated, personable, caring for each of our kids, and probably most importantly to me willing to partner with us as parents to treat our kiddos, doing the right thing for their individual needs rather than just running through some textbook script.
10. My friend Amanda and all of my friends running in the marathon relay soon who encouraged mie in training to run 5.2 miles, something a year ago (5 months ago) I would have told you was impossible.  Apparently, it isn't impossible and I know that now because of their support.
11. My parents - Not perfect but wonderfully supportive.  They mostly tell it like it is but allow us to live our own life, encouraging us to make our own decisions as adults.  They did a good job raising us as kiddos into capable adults, which may be why they trust us to make our own decisions.  Not to mention, they make it known that they love us and have gone out of their way to support us in fostering.
12. My siblings - each of whom I'm proud of and I know are there for each other (and mie) through thick and thin.  Sometimes it's really thick and sometimes really thin, but we stick it out and make it work in the long run!
13. My husband's family - they are really friendly people who have taught us many lessons along the way.
14. My extended family - for so many reasons.  Not at all perfect.  Some are closer than others and that's ok.  Has taught mie the value of boundaries, family bonds, unconditional love, and many other things.  Not to mention how fun it is to have a large family - how many people can say they have 60 first-cousins? 
15. Marie Callendar's Dutch Applie Pie with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream.  It makes everything better.
16. Our church family - so many great friends to share our life with over the past 6 years. 
17. The principals at the schools my son might be attending next year - they each have agreed to allow our son to go to 1st grade if he tests in to their schools.  This has taken a HUGE burden off mie as a momma who believes my son who can read and do most basic math at 5 years old does not need to do kindergarten again next year just because his birthday is 30 days after the cut-off.  I don't mind putting him in kinder again if he belongs there, but not just because of beauracracy.
18. God giving us what we can handle - the trials and tribulations we've faced over the past few years, though very challenging at times, have chipped away at some of the ugliness we naturally carry as humans.  If we only had a "perfect" life where everything went our way and we didn't face hurts, we wouldn't be where we are today.  Not to mention the way He's demonstrated His endless capacity in these situations that felt impossible at the time.
19. Our swagger-waggon - the 2011 Sienna.  It does really feel like the perfect car for us.  I know many struggle with reliable transportation, sharing one vehicle, having to transport large families by public transit on a regular basis.  The Sienna is a big blessing to us.
20. Our annual Thanksgiving vacation tradition - we look forward to taking our kiddos to see family and having the ability to stop off along the way to see some gorgeous sights.  Stopping off along the way gives our immediate family a few days of "alone time" together to vacation and bond before spending the rest of our vacation with extended family, which is also great.
21. Plenty of food.  I'm grateful the only hunger my children have had to face in my home is not wanting to eat something I serve rather than not having something available when they're really, actually, starving - something they've never had to experience.
22. Clean water - I am so grateful that so many of my friends and church family ran this year with World Vision to raise money and awareness for clean water, something that is a luxury for some people and something for which we don't even think about on a daily basis.  I'm so proud of them and their efforts and grateful we have enough to drink.
23. I'm choosing to be grateful that "our son" Aaron never came to be and instead baby Zachary went to live with his adoptive parents far away.  I don't understand this and I may never will, but I'm grateful anyway.  I know God had his hand in it and though I think it was terribly wrong on so many levels I believe He knows what He's doing better than I do.  I'm grateful that it remains a sore spot on my heart because it continues to remind mie that I'm not in control and that I continue to need God's help in this world, if for no other reason than to be grateful despite the heartbreak I have with the situation.  It gives mie an opportunity to pray for a family that I don't really know as they raise a child through adoption, a family that is my extended family whether or not we ever really know each other.  What a wonderful example of how God's family is - completely messed up from His original plan yet all pulled back together through His efforts to adopt us as his children, thereby creating the extended family in Christ. 
24. I'm grateful my husband and I fought for our marriage years ago.  There at least a couple points at which we were on the brink and could have "rightly" ended our marriage and yet making a choice to honor our vows "in sickness and in health" has gone on to teach us so much more about ourselves and Christ and now we have a happy marriage that continues to grow.
25. Christmas is coming!  The season is here.  I LOVE the holiday season and I'm grateful that we don't have to get sucked into the drama that is commercialized Christmas.
26. I'm grateful my son resembles my husband.  I joke about it occasionally - I'm glad people can see my husband's features in my son particularly in light of the cause of our infertility - but honestly I am very grateful for it.  We may only get one shot at having a biological son and it's very cool that he seems to be a perfect mix of both of our features.
27. I'm grateful we've only been allowed to adopt one of our foster children.  It has given us a flavor for adoption and allowed us to be at peace with "keeping" our forever daughter.  Additionally, not being able to adopt our first set (and subsequent sets) of kiddos has enabled us to foster many more children than if our house was full in the beginning, but also has given us a passion for foster care beyond a means to adopt.
28. I'm glad I finally learned I have allergies - it makes life so much easier to be able to function when I can take allergy medicine and the symptoms I've had my whole life just go away.
29. I'm grateful our daughter has blue eyes. Not that it matters all that much, but in our family we have very characteristic blue eyes.  In all of the family (remember my previously mentioned # of cousins and many of them have kids) I think we counted 3 or 4 people who carry our blood but don't have the blue eyes.  My son does not have them.  It's cool our daughter does, even though she doesn't carry the blood :)
30. I'm grateful for the break I've had from school over the past 6 months.  It's given mie a bit of rest and a feel for what it's normall like as a parent who works but is not in full-time grad-school, something I hadn't experienced before!
31. I'm also grateful for my friend Pam who earned her Ph.D. this week.  We started the program right around the same time and I'm glad to see her finish.  It makes mie very jealous that I'm not quite done, but has given mie the insipiration to know I too can do it and to get my butt back in gear to finish it even if it means I have to climb some more obstacles first.
32. I'm grateful I still have my cell phone.  I should have lost it in May but I've been given grace to keep it for now. 

I just realized I've done more than 30.  I had planned to do more than 30 just to make sure I didn't "stop on day 31" so I hit my target.  But, for good measure, here's the last for today.

33.  I'm thankful for my blogging community.  I get encouraged by your comments and the stats to know that our story is reaching others, hopefully positively benefiting your lives and shedding a positive-yet-realistic light on orphan-care, among other things.  You all bless mie a ton knowing you're out there.  I also am thankful for those of you whose blogs I follow - sharing your stories also encourages mie (and often sends me a good laugh!).

I don't know if you all made it to the end - doesn't really matter I suppose - the point was for mie to spread a little gratitude on day 31.

Working Mama Wednesday - New "Job"

Because I don't do enough and have way too much free time on my hands, I've decided to volunteer as a community leader for ivillage.  I was a community leader for the message boards over there back before my son was born, but that was a long time ago.  I have some life-long friends that I developed from my days on those boards, and now I'm ready to get back into the message board scene. 

Join me over at Foster Parenting at ivillage.

In all honesty, I headed over to the boards looking for more folks to "socialize" with who share an interest in foster parenting.  When I arrived, I found they didn't have a CL and in the back of my head thought maybe one day I'll volunteer if the opportunity arose.  Sure enough, a few weeks have passed and I'm now officially the community leader and I'm super excited to be able to share and help lead that board. 

If you're interested in foster parenting join us won't you?

On the topic of google searches...

This, by far, is my most interesting google search that has shown up in my stats page.

"Suzanne McG, married"  (I've abbreviated her name for privacy).

This is an IRL friend of mine who also happens to have a blog.  You can check it out here - she's just recently picked up her blog again after a brief hiatus and I'm so glad to see her online again.  I love Suzanne, she's just my cup of tea.

But folks, indeed she is married so whoever was interested I hope that's good news (!) and I hope you've enjoyed my blog even though it probably doesn't have anything to do with your initial search.  :)

Have fun this weekend folks.  I know we will.

Thankful Thursday - Blogging Impact

I really love blogging.  I really love reading blogs especially when I'm able to connect with folks who have lived a similar experience with me or who have been through something I'm going through. It's nice to know someone is there and understands especially regarding topics that people aren't comfortable or able to speak about publicly (without the anonymity of the web). 

Even more so maybe I love that I'm able to write down our journey to share with others.  Three super cools things I enjoy about that:

• I can find others who have already been there who can commiserate, encourage, and give advice
• I can share my story for others who are now going through something we went through in the past who can find solace in where we are now (in other words, I can encourage them!)
• I can help folks who have not and/or will not go through things that we've been through to be sensitive to the situations people face - a little more compassion in the world wouldn't hurt.

Recently my blog hit a huge spike.  I'm talking 10X normal readership kind of spike.  It lasted for a couple weeks and over the weekend dropped off.  I'm guessing that's because I didn't blog much and people were bored with my content.  Or they were busy.

Either way I was and am very curious what led folks to visit so much more.  So blogger has this stats feature where I can dig into the information a little bit more.  Of course I have one blog-friend who sends the majority of folks my way.  I can also see where in the world they are hitting me from and what operating system they are using.  I can dissect it all and though I won't put too much stock in the accuracy of the information, it's kind of fun to know what's coming my way.

One of the pieces included in the stats section describes the top google searches that led to my blog.  There are some consistent ones ("toddler sleep" or some version related to this post is very common).  On occasion when I see something new or a different theme pop-up I google it myself, just to see what's out there.

One day last week the search "What does God think about foster parents?" came up.  So I googled.  That day, this post was the 4th or 5th hit on Google and the first blog (not an adoption website or magazine article).  When I went to write this blog I couldn't find my blog through that search - it's interesting those things change daily! 

Another search I found interesting was "Foster parent antidote" related to this post.  I'm so proud of myself...I'm #1 on that search!  I know it's strange and somewhat commical, but I'm doing a little happy dance about that...my blog is #1 on something.  I will say that I'm interested in what sparked that search to begin with.  I don't know who searched that or why, but those three words together are quite interesting.  My post was about how foster parenting was the antidote to arrogance (or could be), so I'm not sure if what the reader was looking for was related or not.

Then there are the handful of folks who actually google my blog address.  Again, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but someone(s) out there know my blog address!

I'm so honored that I get to share our story and it's many twists and turns.  I hope that as folks find my blog they are intrigued, informed, and entertained no matter their orignal intention of the google search.  Thanks for keeping up with our journey everyone!