Thankful Thursday: Court Results

Thank you all for your prayers.  Regardless of the outcome, yesterday promised to be a very difficult day with 3 possible outcomes:

• Termination of parental rights.  Plan for adoption
• No Termination of parental rights.  Send children home immediately
• Some other random solution out-of-the-blue (case extension, another delay at the courthouse, etc.)

Though we had our favorite solution, none of them would have been pain-free.  The "random solution" would have caused this case to drag on more, more uncertainty, more delay for all involved.  Clearly if the judge found parental rights were not to be terminated and the kids went home immediately, that would have crushed us.

I mentioned yesterday that the case had been mid-trial before a threat at the courthouse caused a week's delay.  When I left after the day of testimony I honestly felt less-hopeful about whether the case would result in termination than I'd had at any other point in the case, I think, and that's saying something because I've had my doubts all along.  I wasn't in the courtroom that day but it's what I felt in my heart.  I walked into court after having experienced another week's worth of delays and a ton of things that made our life more difficult (sick, not sleeping baby getting 8 teeth all at the same time, for example) - though I tried to have faith and focus on God's will for my kiddos and our family in the forefront of my mind was that this was shaping up to be one of those times our kiddos left us.  God has always provided a "difficult situation" before kiddos have left to help us be grateful for the peace after the children were gone.  Most of them were illness related.  I felt like I would be writing that post, that God had allowed difficult situations to invade our home to help make the transition of them leaving easier on us.  The feeling wouldn't leave me.

I arrived at court late due to traffic.  With a cold that was making me groggy.  Since I was half-prepared to testify after the way the previous day ended (and upon hearing "maybe" from the AAL), I was worried about how I'd sound, being able to not clearly think, probably looking all nasty like one of the actors "with the flu" on a tissue commercial.  Halfway to court I got a call from my hubby who should have been sleeping because the daycare called and a different child had started throwing up all over the place.  Oh, and hubby started having tummy troubles too.

Nevertheless in the court house things started off well.  We chatted for a good-long time about stuff.  The kids.  My sister and her kids.  Jury duty.  The weather (literally).  It was enjoyable.  

Then someone said "well this case better be called early or we won't get in at all - it's drug court day".  I started to panic that we'd be reset.  Again.  

The bailiff called for check-in and simultaneously called our case into the courtroom to be heard.  I initially sat out of the courtroom but then thought hey...worst they could do was kick me out...so I went inside and took a seat.  I texted AAL to see if she needed me to testify - she replied "no".  I asked if I could stay.  Then she got called to the bench for another case and it took forever to get another reply.  

I could stay.

I'm not going to get into the details of what I heard except to say that it was ESSENTIAL to this case that court had been delayed the week because of the threat the week before.  There was a report people were waiting on that hadn't arrived yet and left some questions about the situation unanswered.  BUT, because of the delay the results were received and additional evidence was able to be admitted.  This evidence was crystal clear.  I've been saying it "sealed the deal".

The judge ended up making two rulings.  First, she ruled on baby baby because he was removed separately from his siblings and started this "newly reopened" case.  The grounds were clear and abundant. The judge took the time to read each one aloud to the parents.  Additionally there was abundant evidence that TPR was in his best interest.  

Parental Rights Terminated. 

With that in mind, the judge then ruled on the other three children.  I wasn't sure where she was going to go - apparently the case for them was different than the case on the other three.  Nevertheless because mom had just lost rights on baby baby, it helped make the argument that the rights for the other three should be terminated as well.

Parental Rights Terminated.

The judge then accepted the other parent's relinquishment.  In doing so she complimented all involved for working out an arrangement where the kids could be safe and still have a relationship with this parent.  She went on to provide strong words of affirmation to my husband and I (though she didn't know I was there) for our part in this case, the willingness to stick it out, the willingness to make the arrangement we did with the parent who relinquished.

At the end of the day we walked away with Parental Rights Terminated, adoption bound.  I will say that the kids will not be "legally-free" for adoption until after a 90 day period during which the parent who lost rights involuntarily will have the opportunity to appeal.  In addition relatives or fictive-kin have the opportunity to intervene in the case to try and gain custody preventing the adoption.  We hope and pray these things don't happen.  Our kids need permanency.  It is a NEED for them (as with all kiddos but evidence was presented that one of my children "does not have another move" in him/her).  It has been their repeatedly-expressed desire to stay with us forever.  Though they're too young to really grasp the gravity of that statement, they have been steadfast in that desire with the likewise understanding they would not go to live with their birth parents ever again.

There is so much more I want to tell you.  With the TPR granted I want to share how CRAZY this case was.    I want to explain what has happened in the past year.  All of the stuff we've gone through but I've been cautious to share because of how crazy this case has been.  I will likely wait until the 90 days is up before I share as much as I'd like but if you have questions please email mie or put it in a comment so I can remind myself to address it.  

In the end our feelings were very mixed.  Please pray for the 90 days to be smooth and short.  Please also pray for our kids' birth parents.  Regardless of the situation that led us to this point yesterday was extremely hard on them, and I'm sure time will heal some but not all and it would be a long time in healing.  They love their children.  They didn't want this to happen.  I cried with them both yesterday.  It sucks.  I cried for my kids to have this in their history.  Even though it was what we wanted and what we still want and even though it moves us toward adoption and even though our kids were thrilled when we told them last night, we don't wish them well and the trauma is not taken lightly.

Thankful Thursday - Potty-Training Progress

We are not perfect parents.  At all.  We try desperately but our faults and impatience interact with the craziness that is related to losing first parents and foster care and just plain old life and it isn't always pretty. 

We have been trying to potty train Summer for 22 months.  TWENTY-TWO MONTHS.  Y'all that's almost two years and is a LONG time with what often feels like no progress.  She has accidents on a regular basis (like daily, sometimes several times a day) and doesn't seem to care.  She's about to turn 4 and is far-behind our foster child who just turned 3.  FAR behind.  She doesn't (usually) tell us she has to go and won't go on her own (usually) so we're at the stage (still) of reminding her to go every 15-20 minutes.  She still has accidents on that schedule.  Seriously.

We've tried it all.  We've tried every technique (in 2 years there has been time to give each a sufficient amount of time - that's 100 weeks!).  We've given up and let her decide when she is ready.  We have done everything except wait longer.  She does her own laundry and cleans up her own mess.  She simply doesn't care.  Potty-training resistance does not begin to describe it.  I'm at the point of thinking she either has something wrong with her medically (she was diagnosed with a urinary tract condition when she was an infant but never showed signs of it after she got proper care when she came to live with us) or maybe something like SPD.  SPD would make a lot of sense in many ways.  I'm going to bring it up at her annual physical and see what the doc suggests. 

(Thankfully, she did learn to poop in the potty and rarely has a BM accident so at least we're just dealing with that.)

I would probably be ok with waiting it out. Like with Logan and his sleep I'm absolutely sure that she will get it sooner or later or if not she can wear adult incontinence undergarments and I'd love her the same.  The problem I have is that everyone I leave her with (school, church, babysitters) are at past the point of being patient with it.  She's almost 4 and tall at that so no one believes she should be having accidents.  I get the "So what can I do to help her stay dry" everytime I drop her off somewhere.  It may sound helpful but really it sounds more like "You're a horrible parent why can't you get this potty training thing down" or "really, what is WRONG with YOUR daughter". 

I didn't mean to turn this into a rant.

I meant to write this post last Thursday.  You see, last week she had 3-4 days in a row with no accidents.  She even stayed dry during a movie at the theater when she was with my mom and even better in the middle of it she yelled "I HAVE TO POOP!" quite loudly.  I'll take what I can get if she'll just tell us she has to go, even in a movie theater at the top of her lungs. (Thankfully for my mom they were the only ones in the theater at the time).  She EVEN got a special, hand-made stamped picture note from her teacher that made a point about how well Summer had done in class that day.  She was both dry AND was nice to her friends.  Double bonus points.

Unfortunately I never got around to writing about it and how thankful I was to get that respite and the sweet sound of someone saying, for once, that she was GOOD.  When I arrived at her daycare she literally came with THREE BAGS full of soiled clothes from all of the accidents she had that day.  She also immediately threw the worst fit I'd ever seen her throw over not getting her cookie until she was in her car seat.  I think it had something to do with my mom leaving that day but still, it was aweful.  I quickly lost the motivation to be thankful for her wins earlier that week.

So today, friends, I'm pausing to celebrate the wins.  It is Thursday and my daughter has had 2 dry days this week (Monday & Friday).  She still came home from school in new outfits but she assured me (and it was obvious) that it was because she got a little carried away in centers and got wet (Monday) and spilled the sauce from snack on her dress (Wednesday).  I get frustrated when I see her in new clothes and my first reaction ends up being frustrated rather than happy to see her.  I know I own that, not her, but I know it's discouraging to both of us.  Yesterday I was initially frustrated but when taking her to the restroom I saw she was in the same underwear I'd sent her to school in and it encouraged me a little.  When she passionately told me about the accident with the sauce in her cute sentence structure and voice I was overcome with (positive) emotion.

So, all that to be said, today I'm thankful for the good days whether they're few and far between or frequent.  They help mie cope with the crap that is a fallen world  and the related effects on my family.

Thankful Thursday - A hodgepodge

There are so many things I'm thankful for today.

• Dual air conditioners to keep part of our home cool while the other part waits for a unit to be fixed.
• Approval to take one of my kids off the anti-psychotic they were placed on before coming to my home.  Life is easier now in so many ways, including for this child to control behavior.
• Getting my dissertation edits done!  It's a long story but I finally submitted my final final final (...) draft to the graduate school so I can be done.  They've already put a hold on my transcripts because it took so long to get them done but in all reality they took 4 months to get the requirements back to me in time and I had to move on with my life.
• Getting other work-related stuff done that was hanging over my head.  YAY!
• A supportive FAD worker who provides encouragement and support.  Our last FAD worker was good but left us alone, something I'm also thankful for. This one is more involed but provides good feedback and is easily relatable.
• All of my kids - they really are wonderful and are all growing and making progress in their lives.  I love them even when the actions required to care for 6 children can be draining.
• Understanding family and friends.  Our kids are not always good.  We're not always the best parents.  People who understand and provide support are a huge help.
• Allergy medication.  One of my children was bit on his sensitive man area and it is now swollen like something I've never seen before.  Doc says put allergy medicine on it and take allergy medicine.  I'm thankful I have all 3 of the ones she recommended.
• My hubby who continues to work on our family and marriage after all these years, being patient with me as I too grow up. 
• My new shoe club memberships.  Totally frivolous and unnecessary but very much a fun break from life as a working mama.
• Progess in my childrens' cases.  They deserve permanency.  Their cases have been going for nearly 8 months.  Please God bring them permanency with us soon.

Happy Thursday everyone!

Thankful Thursday - A Lovely Visit

This isn't about a lovely visit with birth parents.  In fact, since the last time I told you about how the visits were going we've had two more missed visits meaning one parent hasn't seen the children in 4 weeks and the other has missed all but one supervised visit in that time.  That parent also has unsupervised visits.  Since the last time I updated you on visits this parent has been arrested (and let go) during one of the visits and had some seriously funky stuff happen on the other.  I wish the police hadn't let that parent go during the first visit - it would have made things so much easier for us all because even though the crime was the same, it doesn't appear quite as bad to the judge when the police let you go because they feel sorry you have 3 young kids in the car with you.  Oh, if that officer knew the truth. *Sigh*  We're leaving on vacation soon which means there will be 2-3 more visits "missed" before the parents have a chance to visit their kids again.  That's a long time between visits.

Actually, this post is about a lovely visit from my hubby's aunt who drove a day to come see us.  Actually, she drove a day to attend a training event in the area and chose to spend the night with us so she could hang out.  I seriously love this woman.  If I had to pick someone I felt really demonstrated what it was like to be a true honest-to-goodness Christian woman it would be her.  She's down-to-earth, genuine, non-apologetic but very graceful...everything I'd hope to be.  I don't know if she knows I feel that way about her.  Maybe I should say something.

That was the extent of the lovely visit we'd looked forward to for a couple weeks because we had a few other very ugly things visit at the same time.  Blech.

*Baby Baby caught a cold and slept in 15 minute increments for 5-6 days.  By the time my hubby was home to help ME get some rest Baby Baby was sleeping for 60-90 minutes at a time and I had caught his cold.
*Strep has paid a visit to our home as well - maybe it's what Baby Baby has or not - Logan came home Tuesday with a fever and Summer woke up Wednesday with one.  This visitor has disrupted my hubby's pre-vacation plans to work around the yard and the house.  He has been able to keep up his busy movie-watching schedule though.
*The visit to the ER was no fun last night, taking me away from the home for 3-4 hours that I was supposed to get to spend with the wonderful aunt.  The reason we were there was even less fun - we went to wake Logan up from his nap and though his eyes opened he was completely unresponsive for 3-4 minutes.  His body was rigid and he couldn't speak.  His eyes were not able to follow anything and eventually he started this weird giggling.  It was very scary.  It seemed like what I would think a febrile seizure would be like but his fever was only at 101 at that moment.  I never want to experience that again.  Thankfully ER tests showed that he was fine (of course), and soon I'll have the crazy bill as a momento of our experiences.

Oh the madness. 

We are very much looking forward to our upcoming lovely visit to California.  The 2 day car ride to get there?  Not so sure about that.

Thankful Thursday - Sleep

Today I am thankful for sleep.  Sleep is such a wonderful thing.  I am grateful that we have sleep as a resource to help refresh us and that it feels so good to go to sleep each night.

I'm thankful that when my kids are older I will have the chance to get more sleep. 

Sleep has been hard to come by for a few weeks because of work commitments and a baby who right now is a bit under the weather (and fussing every 5-7 minutes).  I'm thankful for the promise of a new day, one where sleep is a possibility.  So far this week I've worked about 4x as many hours as I've slept.  Think about that for a moment.  I've worked (not my "home" job, my actual paid job) 3x as much as I've slept while a typical 8 hr work/8 hr sleep/8 hr funorhomeorfamily schedule would have me sleeping equal to the amount I've worked.  Yikes.  Things are out-of-balance right now and its making me tired.  Like really tired.

And so today I'm thankful that I've slept before and that I'll be able to sleep again sometime.

Thankful Thursday - Health

Last night we had our second visit with our new kiddos.  It went fabulously.  I really couldn't believe it.  I thought we'd have more challenge.  The challenge will come, I'm sure, but yesterday it went well.

That is, at least until I was on my way home and began to get car sick.  As the night progressed it got worse.  And worse.  I struggled through the night.  I thought I had a stomach bug because that seemed to be the worse complaint but as the night progressed I really struggled with body pain.  My whole body hurt (and I have a temperpedic bed - it shouldn't hurt).  I felt miserable and didn't sleep much.  I did my best to get up to get my kids ready for school but really couldn't do the getting up part.  I managed to get my son to the bus.

It wasn't until about 1pm when i realized I had a high fever.  No wonder I hurt so bad.  After I took some ibuprofen i was able to go to sleep for a couple hours and the fever broke.  I'm still not really able to get up but I'm hoping I can get to work tomorrow. (not likely based on today)

With all that said, I'm really thankful for health today.  You don't realize how good you have it until you're gone.  As I laid around today and whined and moaned from how bad I felt I also noticed all the crap around the house I wanted to do and wished I felt good enough to get up and do it.  Maybe tomorrow...

Thankful Thursday - Random Support

Have you donated yet?  Well, you should.  Click on the Donate button on the top-right of my page to support Cherub Mamma fight for her family.

As you probably could tell from my last post, now that we're theoretically getting closer to welcoming our newest family members, baby baby's siblings, I'm starting to see how much of a big step it is to move forward.  It's making mie a bit nervous because I want so badly for this to work out for so many reasons.  Also, I'm staring down the barrel that will make mie go from being a mom of 3 to a mom of 6 and though I'm positive I can do it, I'll admit I've become a little comfortable where I'm at (problem #1).

If I'm honest - it's not that I'm comfortable.  Really it's that I have a 5 month old baby, haven't slept through the night except maybe 3-4 times since he arrived, and I keep forgetting that when I'm exhausted by the end of the night and don't feel like cleaning off the kitchen island.  Then I feel lazy and wonder if 6 is going to put mie over the edge.  It's not.  I know that without a doubt.  And then I remind myself I'm just tired because I have an infant with no "new mom hormones" (and yes, that makes a difference in helping combat sleepiness) and no post-partum break from work because in reality, I'm only kind of post partum.

But I didn't come here to complain, I came to celebrate the support I've received in getting ready for the new kiddos. 

(BTW - reach out to your local foster/expectant adoptive parent to let them know you're rooting for them just as you would an expectant mother!  It will mean the world to them, especially when they're expecting "multiples"). 

In the past few days I've had a few reminders that things are going to be ok and I've been really grateful.

First - I needed to talk about our next steps with my hubby.  I made a point to discuss the risks similar to what I wrote about on Monday, except in greater detail.  His response was "I don't see anything happening that will stop us from moving forward.  I know it might be difficult."  This was a very solid answer from my hubby who, at times, can be a little intimidated by out-of-the-norm behavior (and the idea of 6 kids).  He was confident that this IS what we're going to do (if given the chance) and we'll do whatever it takes to make it work.

Second - A sweet friend this morning wrote on her Facebook page about how her newest foster placement has improved so much in the short time she's had him.  Now, that isn't always the case and after 20 foster children (and a handful of RADlets) I certainly understand that well.  But I also know that even WITH the RADlets I've had the behavior, though difficult, DID improve at least a little due to proper care and stability.  There are no guarantees with these new kiddos but I know it IS possible and more importantly, our God is able.

I love that.

Thankful Thursday - Random Things I'm Grateful For...

I was REALLY hoping today I'd be able to share with you that we got the call for the siblings to come or that our license had been extended so they can come or something equally as large and powerful that I've been waiting for.  Instead, you (and I) will have to settle for this list of random things I'm thankful for.

• Salvation - I made the mistake choice of starting a spiritual conversation with my son last night after he prayed at bedtime - note that it must be late.  Part of his prayer was well-intended but signified a common hard-to-fathom spiritual truth, namely the concept of grace for "bad people".  So - I led a discussion about how grace is free and no one, not even us, deserves it and the wages of sin is death.  I did it in an age appropriate way but nevertheless my 6 year old wouldn't go to sleep and eventually broke down that he was scared and not just regular scared but scared to go to hell.  This led to another spiritual conversation, more tears, some hugs, and finally reassurance that our price has been paid.  AMEN.
• My hubby - Though the stupid web game he's hooked on drives me nuts, I've been very impressed with my hubby lately in prioritizing the important things - like finishing the backyard fence and helping me with the kids during hospital week last week.  I love that man.
• Marie Calendar's Dutch Apple Pie & Breyers natural vanilla ice cream makes the world a better place at the end of a long day.
• Good friends - including all of you - I'm so grateful I know the people out there who will support mie with words of encouragement and even correction in love when I need it, like when the baseball coach ...well you get the drift.  What's that?  I need to forgive and move on...ok - thanks for the correction again.
• Dallas area Children's Medical Center - who cared for all of us while baby baby was sick and gave my kiddos unlimited popsicles with the option for sugar-free.  Because there's only so many popsicles a child should have in a day but that changes when they're in the hospital.  Right?
• My accidental haircut - the haircut itself was not accidental but the way it was cut was.  I went in to cut layers into my hair one night when I was tired of the way it was laying and accidentally cut one part of the layer on one side way to short with little room for correction.  I did what I could.  The next day (and since) I've had so many complements on my hair.  Many people thought I colored it.  I did not.  I was just a bit too snip happy and apparently it worked in my favor.
• Perennial Flowers in my front yard - last year we planted them.  I didn't take great care of them during the winter freezes and worried I'd lost them.  They have all bloomed BEAUTIFULLY this spring.  I'm amazed.
• My son's good report card - he did awesome! Finally tested more accurately for his reading level at 2.5-3.5 grade (he's in K) and met his reading goal at 177%.  Way to go buddy!
• Infertility - I missed the opportunity to post during National Infertility Awareness Week, unfortunately, but I'm so grateful for our journey through infertility.  If you're walking that way be encouraged - I hope you find solace and resolution soon so that one day you too can be grateful for that journey.
• Our new temporary FAD worker (our caseworker) - she's awesome!  I really appreciate her.  I haven't heard from her yet (should have yesterday) but every time I talk to her I leave the conversation content and impressed with her devotion to what she does.  
• The greek restaurant near work - I've had the Salmon Pita 2x this week.  Tough on the wallet and probably on my weight loss desires but man is it good.  Yum!

Have a great day everyone...maybe I'll have great news tomorrow.  Maybe...

Thankful Thursday - Stability

Our lives as a foster family lack any sense of normal.  They say in the world the only thing guaranteed to stay the same is that everything keeps changing - oh how true that is in our family.

I just dropped off #17 & #18 with the caseworker.  You know, the caseworker who had apparently never met them even though they had been removed in August and in our home since the end of December.  She knew nothing about them and nothing about us except for that my sister and I look alike.  I suppose that's good so she knew which random person at McD's she should walk up to in order to get the kids she didn't know.  I tried to prepare them the best I could.  I even broke out the Spanish so I knew they understood the words I was saying (we've been trying to teach them English so I've not been speaking much Spanish to them).  #17 was happy to go to his relatives house but I could tell it was a nervous smile and later was proven correct when he bumped his head ever so slightly and the flood of emotions came out. I asked him if he was crying because he didn't want to leave (in Spanish) and he said yes.  I felt horrible.  #18 just sat there with stoicism as she does when she isn't feeling safe.  I could see the terror in her eyes.  I hated every minute of it.

But now we go back to a new reality.  Our core family plus baby baby (who, in case you were wondering, has not had a ruling yet in his case afterall...).  Life is so much easier with our core family and it is remarkable how helpful it is to have the core family together when foster children leave.

Core.  Stable.  They go hand in hand.  Our core family is where our stability is at.  We know we will not leave each other the way our foster children leave.  We will be together as long as God allows.  In this time change, yet again, it is so comforting to have the core family come together again and enjoy each others' company.

This time we plan on going to Monster Jam this weekend.  It will be the first time Summer is old enough to come with us and we've invited a few extras to come along.  Monster Jam is stable and routine; we go every year and it's an opportunity for us to reconnect, have fun, and do something together that carries tradition with it.

We'll probably play games together tonight or help Logan prepare for the upcoming cup-stacking tournament.  We're going to eat Salmon.  Maybe we'll go out for ice cream.  I'll probably let my kids sleep in my bed.

So our life is changing once again.  One way or another I expect it to change again in the near future as baby baby's case receives the judge's ruling.  I hope he stays.  I hope his siblings will come with us.  Neither of those may happen.  Both might.

We really don't know how our life will shape up.  I hope you realize that neither do you even if you're not a foster parent.  But for today we will enjoy our core family, the stable things we're given and the promise that God will never leave us.

Thankful Thursday - #12 is here!

Our FAD worker came over to visit last night.  This particular individual in the system works to make sure our home is in compliance and that we have everything we need.  This is similar to a caseworker at a private agency except that it's not a private agency - it's still the state and tied directly to DFPS.  This particular individual is nice and our visits our always pleasant.

Just so you know how this goes, he sat at our island most of the time.  Our kids bugged him (he's nice about it) by incessantly showing them the same toys.  I sat and cut up chicken and prepared dinner.  My husband went between our kids and the island as needed.  We answered questions.  We kept moving with our normal life.  This time he surprised us with an impromptu inspection, something he usually doesn't do.  He checked our weapons, our medications, and our chemicals to make sure they were taken care of and stored appropriately.  He was here about an hour.

As he walked out the door, literally, the phone rang.  Since my hubby and I were together I had a pretty good idea about what was coming next.  My hubby answered (darn him!  how did he get to answer both CPU calls this time?) but he quickly handed the phone to mie.

It's a baby girl.  Not a newborn, but still a baby.

She is a hoot!  She cracked us up.  My sister's foster baby is the same age and they came by to see our newest addition.  The two of them played and loved on each other and laughed.  It was fun.

We'll see what adding two new kiddos to our family does to our schedule and life.  For now it's the exciting honeymoon phase.  Love it.

Thankful Thursday - Dodgeball

Oh. My. Word.

Last Friday our fosters went home.  I have a post waiting about that but apparently you can't post pictures to Blogger from an iPad (that I could figure out) so I'm waiting on that - the pictures are necessary.  I hope they are doing well.  I haven't heard otherwise and I'm assuming they're having a blast.

So are we.  

I've been trying to take advantage of all the stuff that we either couldn't do or I couldn't really attempt having a 1, 2, and 3 year old - the 5 year old usually does that kind of stuff with his cousins nearby and so we have been missing out.  

One such thing is dodgeball.  You read that right...all ages, co-ed, organized dodgeball.  My sister and her family have been going regularly for a few months and have really talked it up but knowing that my littles couldn't participate and my hubby wouldn't be able to go it didn't seem worth it to go just to watch my son play with his cousins, especially because the watching I'd have been doing would have been with my littles, not him.  But now that it's only my son and daughter, and my mom was in town, I was happy to accept the invitation to go play dodgeball on a Saturday afternoon.  Couldn't hurt right?

(Actually, just so you know, yes, it can hurt, both when you get hit and after the games - who knew it took so many muscles that were out of shape to play dodgeball?)

We played match after match of dodgeball from 4:30 until about 7pm.  CRAZY.  Turns out, I'm pretty good at it and I had SO much fun!!!  Logan appeared to be the youngest on the field (court?) by far but he held his own pretty well (in part because people didn't target the little kids directly - they weren't really a threat).  He got hit in the face and then twice in the "tenders", in a row, and he held it together like a champ.  After the first match he would run around the court and try his hardest to throw the balls at the other team.  When his strength and hand size get up there a little bit he'll be a huge force to be reckoned with for sure!  He was even last man standing a couple times which I'm sure you could imagine just made him super proud of himself.  It was also a great opportunity to teach him to be a man of integrity by not cheating and going out when he got hit.  He did a great job.

It really was a blast and I highly recommend it.  If you are in the area, check out Dallas Dodgeball for more information.  If you're not in the Big D, try googling Dodgeball for your area - apparently there are leagues and tournaments all around.  Clearly I'm not cool enough to know these things on my own so a big shout out to Auntie Diane for inviting us to something so crazy fun! (And props to my mom who handled my sister's baby, toddler, and Summer for the whole time while we played).

Thankful Thursday - An Important Milestone

Even though I am (was) a working mom, attachment parenting has always been important to me, at least since I've been a parent.  When my son was born I breastfed (until 19-20 months), co-slept, and wore him in a homemade wrap.  I found this worked really well for us and, looking back, would say this was by far the easiest thing to do if it weren't for pressure to do otherwise - you know, co-sleeping isn't safe and shouldn't you put that baby down?

*eye-roll*

I'm now so grateful for our time together - it appears as if I'll only have had that experience once in my life and I'll never regret those choices.

I do, however, lament the fact that because our daughter came to us from foster care at 10 months old I really didn't get the opportunity to do as many attachment-parenting things with her as I would have liked.  I didn't get to breastfeed.  She was larger and I had a 12 month old at the time so I didn't wear her much.  I didn't get to co-sleep.

One of the things we do around our house is let our son sleep in bed with us on certain nights.  Initially it was every other day and now we're working on every 3rd night.  It's a fun tradition in our home and means a lot to him - and me.  He is older than our fosters have been and has always been a night owl so allowing him to sleep in our bed hasn't been a problem with the fosters - they are in bed before he goes to bed and so far have had no idea that he's been sleeping in our bed on the 3rd nights.

We have a going rule in our home that the children have to stay in bed until we come to get them.  We have alarms on the doors to help us know if someone is getting up.  This is to help protect our children from any unsuspected abuse and to help us know if our children are up walking around the house while we're asleep - we had one who was known to do that getting into all sorts of trouble, including that which led to his removal.  So, it's always been the rule that they stay in bed until we come to get them (unless they have to go to the bathroom).

Ms. Summer has always grown up with this rule and having not shared a room with her brother has been completely oblivious to any other option.  This has made me sad a bit - now that she's adopted I've been looking forward to the day where she crawls in bed with us or has her own 3rd night so that she can share the family bed too sometimes.  However - it's difficult to teach her that its ok to come get us at night without teaching that to her sister(s) who share a room with her and so I've always wondered how that would work, if it ever did.

Then came Saturday morning - 6:50 am.  I woke up to the door flying open in our room and our precious little girl waltzing in.  She wasn't ready to wake up - just came to get me.  I pulled her into bed with me, pointed out her pillow, and let her "try" to go to sleep.  It didn't really work to get much sleep and eventually I turned on some cartoons for us to watch together for a few minutes before getting up to get ready for the day and wake up all the other kiddos.

Last night little princess came in at 3:45am - this time it was completely dark outside. I was proud of her to make it all the way from her room to my bedroom in the dark.  That must have taken some bravery.  When she opened the door though I couldn't help but smile - it's come to the point where our little girl knows she can come get me, even when it's pitch black in the house, and I'll be there for her.

I know this is something most parents cringe about - having to deal with their kids coming in during the night. Frankly it was something I struggled with too before we came up with our every other night/every 3rd night concept with Logan.  It's rough to manage that and I agree that at some point we don't want our children to be sleeping with us nightly.  But for now I'm not taking it for granted - I'm thankful for this development in our child's life and grateful that we get to be her parents - cosleeping at all.

Now we just have to work on the actual sleeping part. ;)

Thankful Thursday - Signs of Love

Sometimes I sit at work and find myself really missing my kiddos.  I wish I could just turn around and give them a big hug and tell them I love them.  I know that most of the time they are not thinking of mie, that they're having fun with their friends and they love doing that, and they are looking forward to seeing mie when I come to get them, but I still for a moment feel guilty that I can't really just turn around and scoop them up.

This was especially hard when I first came back to work after having my son.  I HATED leaving him.  My department director at the time was a fellow mom and must of known what it would be like to come back to work.  On my first day back after 13 weeks off with my son she had posted this poster on the glass doors outside the elevators, no doubt I'd see it, and then a giant one in my office hanging on the window blinds:

Logan - 14 days old.  Notice the extra sticky my husband left for mie one day - it says "Your a good mom and wife

 This picture now hangs just to the right of my computer monitor so I can easily see it and I've cherished it for nearly 6 years though I will say I'm not sure it helped to see his picture on the door as soon as I walked in :)  This little boy now looks like this:

A few weeks ago my son was here helping mie move into a new cube after his Kindergarten graduation.  A few times he found things he liked and pocketed them (like a calculator and some trinkets I had).  A few other times he found "neat" things like post-its that he became distracted by for a few moments.  After a while I had these things spread throughout my office:

Mom "Roks"

This one is a 2-Pager.  It's decorated with ripped pages and stapled together. (I love you soo soo much)

I have several other trinkets and pictures that remind mie of my family spread throughout my office space.  Additionally, I have several small post-its like the one in Logan's baby picture above where my husband has left cute reminder notes for mie to let me know he loves mie.  Like father like son.

These things make mie smile everyday and though they'll never replace having my children with mie, it is nice to see them, pause for a moment to remember the important things in life, breath-out a stress-relieving sigh, and get back to work so I can get home to my family as quickly as possible.

Thankful Thursday - Cuteness

It's things like this that make mie happy (and little concerned):

 Yesterday I spent the day with my Logie and his kindergarten class at a ranch in Northeast Texas.  We've been there before but it's usually for Thanksgiving and so the weather is much cooler.  This time we were able to go swimming, have a nice picnic, and the kids were able to play around in the open space.  My son chose to ride next to mie on the bus and I just soaked up all the love he was giving mie - I know as he gets older that might not be so common.

I had to jump in the pool to save his best friend from being forcibly drowned.  I am a natural swimmer, former lifeguard, and former swim instructor and so have begun teaching water safety & swimming skills to all of my kiddos since they were infants or at least as long as I've had them.  Logan knows the basics but also knows he can rely on mommy to hold onto if he gets tired.  I allowed Logan to go in the deep end with his friend despite the teaching aid asking him to stay in the shallow end.  I was planning to go in with him but it was a bit cold so I sat at the edge for a few minutes waiting until Logan asked mie to come in.  As it turns out I went in earlier than expected.  Logan and his friend started swimming across the pool - Logan slightly behind his friend - and Logie received a gush of water to the face due to his friend's kicking.  Logan responded by grabbing onto his friend to catch his breath.  Mommy could handle that - the friend obviously could not and ended up being held under water.  I was watching carefully so it didn't last long - I realized what was going on and dove in to help them both before the lifeguard and monitor even knew what was going on.  They were both fine - I'm sure it scared them both a little - but they were both able to move on and keep playing.

I told my son that when he comes back in the summer with his summer program he is not allowed to swim in the deep end since mommy won't be there.  I suspect there will be more kiddos in the pool and I didn't like the reaction time of the lifeguards - they were the only two kids in the whole deep end so they should have reacted quicker and I speak from experience as a guard.  I can't control whether or not he stays in the shallow end or not when I'm not there but hopefully my instruction will keep him from getting in too deep without mie there to save him.  By the end of the summer with more work he'll be able to swim just fine, but being that it's the beginning of the season I don't want to chance it.

Back to the letter above - a preschooler had given this card (It had a lot more decoration inside - this is just the front cover) to Logie's teacher and asked her to give it to him so when we arrived to go on the trip she did just that.  Logie was embarrassed and I probably didn't help that much when I took a picture of it and sent it to his dad and then insisted he put it in his cubbie.  When we came back at the end of the day and were gathering our things the card had disappeared and I later found it in the trash.  I dug it out though and promised Logan I wouldn't embarrass him any more with it.

Every girl is in love with Logan.  I can't tell you how many of their parents have told mie their daughters have come home to tell them that they were going to marry Logan.  I even went to a birthday party once and the kiddos grandparents said "so this is the infamous Logan".  Wow.  It's really cute at this age but at the same time it makes mie wonder where on Earth they come up with this stuff!

Thankful Thursday - Sane & Helpful Caseworkers

I haven't talked much about my current case because frankly its been one of those cases where nothing has happened the entire time.  I'm not saying that nothing has happened on the part of one or both parents - there may or may not be any activity on their part - it's just that nothing has happened in the case.  There is no sign it will be going this way or that way any time soon, except for that a hearing is scheduled in a few weeks and it is supposed to be the last hearing before the case is dismissed and I expect at that hearing for something to be proposed in regards to permanency.  I don't expect reunification to happen that day.  I don't expect termination to happen that day.  I just expect for someone to announce their support for one or the other at that hearing with the intention that then when the case is supposed to be dismissed it will be headed in that direction.  We'll see.  I do expect fireworks over this case in the end.

This weekend I was surprised by a call from CASA who was politely asking that mom get to talk to her kiddos on mother's day.  I'll admit, my flesh was slightly irritated by the request and I may have lamented to a fellow foster parent about how you kind of lose the priviledge of talking to your kiddos on mother's day when you do the stuff involved in this case and subsequently have them removed from you (and then subsequently continue to do some of the things you did in the first place).  Don't get mie wrong - I have sympathy for any mother not able to love on her kiddos on mother's day, it's just one of those things AS a mother I have less sympathy for when you make certain choices repeatedly rather than choosing the health and safety of your children.

My sympathy (and God's grace) won and I offered to go ahead and call mom with the kids so that she could talk to them (mind you they are 1 and 3 - there's not much talking going on especially since #10 is not really talking at all yet).  I used my Google voice account setup just for foster care and provided mom with the number to text mie if she had questions about the kiddos or was worried about them some times - she could get a hold of mie and feel that connection.  She promised she wouldn't bother mie much but thanked mie for the number and we went about our day after a short, successful call with her kids.

She texted mie a few times that day to say thank you for the call and to wish mie a happy mother's day.  And to promise not to bother mie.

This is where the normal mie is sometimes surprised by the behavior of others, particularly those involved in the foster care system.  I continually falsely believe that moms and dads have a level of common sense that many of them appear to not have.

Apparently "not bothering mie" or "contacting mie to often" means something less than 24 hours because lo and behold Monday night I find a voicemail on my mobile Google voice app that says mom called to ask if she could say good night to the kids and that if she could that would be great but if she couldn't then sorry to bother mie.  I didn't get the message until 9pm because when she called we were upstairs getting the kids ready for bed and thoroughly cleaning the playroom so I didn't hear the phone ring.  So, in fact, she couldn't talk to her kids because they were already asleep and she didn't bother mie because I didn't hear the phone. I felt bad explaining to her that I couldn't allow her contact with her kids without the court or caseworker's approval and she took it to mean that she was bothering mie and she "wouldn't be doing it again".  I tried to explain to her that she wasn't bothering mie, it's just against the rules and I'd have to talk it over with the caseworker.  I really do want to have an open line of communication with the birth parents and I really don't mind her contacting mie, but expecting to be able to talk to her kids, daily no less, seems a bit unreasonable to mie.

You bet I talked to the caseworker.  The next morning I contacted the caseworker who apparently was in on the deal to let her talk to the kids on mother's day.  I told her about the attempt to talk to the kids before bed and she said "Oh, you gave her an inch and she ran with it".  Yep.  I told her I wouldn't mind letting the kids talk to their mom on occasion, as in the case plan, but needed her to talk it over with the mom because of the rules in the foster parent agreement.  CW assured mie she didn't see regular communication happening any time soon and we both agreed it probably wouldn't be healthy for the kids.  Her strong reaction made mie wonder if they weren't going to be moving toward TPR at the next hearing...we'll see.

In the end I was able to be the good guy and let mom talk to her kids on mother's day, I was able to establish an "open" line of communication with mom, and I was able to let the CW be the "bad guy" limiting contact with the kiddos rather than taking the blame for that myself.  I'm sure mom will blame mie a bit anyway, afterall I could have let her talk to the kids without saying something about it, but the caseworker took responsibility for that decision and having that conversation and it makes my job that much easier.

I'm really grateful there won't be many phone conversations too - you know how hard it is to have phone conversations with a 1 and 3 year old in our crazy schedule when you also have 2 other young kiddos to manage?  It's nearly impossible - the only reason it worked out so well this Sunday is that my son and daughter decided they  needed to go home with their Auntie after church with my 2 year old telling mie "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya..."

On mother's day.

I did get a LOOONG nap out of the deal. :)

Working Mama Wednesday = Thankful Thursday

Tuesday I promised to post a Working Mama Wednesday piece about changes at work.  However, this change happens to be super cool and definitely worthy of a Thankful Thursday spot, so I’ll pretend that I intentionally held off until Wednesday.  I most certainly did not forget to get this blog out on time on Wednesday.  Nope.  That wasn’t mie.

You all know I’ve been whining about my job situation. I say whining because frankly I have a really good job that affords our family with lots of possibilities including flexible schedule and a very large paycheck but I haven’t been content where I’m at.  Frankly I’ve felt overpaid and underworked in this role and that’s not something I’m comfortable with, not to mention my feelings toward project management in general (which is what I’ve been doing for the past year).  It was a good move at the time due to some really bad circumstances in my previous role and I love the people I work with – I just felt underutilized.  If I’m honest, I also felt a bit bitter about the circumstances in my last role which continue to be proven less and less “my fault”, though I do take ownership for my pieces.  In the last year I’ve had 5-10 significant role changes/promotions fall through and it was beginning to be pretty frustrating.  I didn’t understand what God was doing but I knew I just needed to press forward, work on contentment in my role, and continue to serve in this role to my best capacity.  

Two weeks ago I was called in by my boss.  Turns out it was annual merit pay increase time and he was rewarding mie with my 3+% pay increase which was nothing to sneeze at, especially since I already felt overpaid.  Keep that in mind.

Then came last week.  I was offered, and accepted, a new director role.  It hasn’t been announced yet and I don’t know if anyone from work reads my blog so I’ll stay a little vague, but needless to say it’s a role that will be PERFECT for mie in so many ways.  It will challenge mie intellectually, it will put mie in the position to be leading people again, it gives mie a big area of responsibility for the company, and I’ll be working for people who really wanted mie to work for them.  Needless to say I’m super excited.

I’m also excited that this whole phase is finally “done”.  This opportunity was presented to mie in early March as a possibility and everyone else around mie has seemed to know what was going on more than I did.  I actually had 3 opportunities as “possible” positions for the past 6-8 weeks and yet nothing seemed to be moving – it was hard waiting to know how everything was going to work out.  I also knew in my heart that if something DIDN’T work out, no matter how much I tried to prepare myself for that, it would have hurt my heart and caused further frustration.  At one point in a conversation not really related to my opportunities I found that one of the positions was no longer an option for mie, despite the fact that just days earlier it was presented as a definite option and no one had told mie that changed.  I’m definitely learning to be flexible.

I’m supposed to begin this new position at the beginning of June.  I was presented with an offer and to my surprise on top of my 3+% pay increase I’d received the week before I will now be receiving a MUCH more substantial pay increase.  In a few weeks I’ll have been here for 10 years and now I can say that my pay has increased 500% from where I was when I started.  Seriously I’m blown away.

I’m also very grateful that God continues to teach mie and use mie where I am.  I hope I’m able to speak into the lives of those I work with and can honor Him in my new role.  One of the things my husband and I am SO excited about is that with this new income we will be able to help SO MANY PEOPLE!  We have a few things to take care of “in our own house” first, but then we will be in a position to bless others in a way we would have never thought possible.  We’re super, super excited.

And very, very thankful.  And honored.  

(And I get to hire a housecleaner.  Yippee for mie!  Boohoo for all the germs that may have taken up residence in my restrooms.)

So, in the last two weeks I received a merit pay increase, I was offered and accepted this position, that day I received word that I passed my comps, I received my daughter's new social security number, and then I presentedand passed my dissertation proposal.  It’s been a good two weeks to be mie.  As I approach the 2 year anniversary of one of the low seasons of my life, I’m reminded that life is cyclical and God will do what He will.  I’m glad to be on this ride.

Thankful Thursday - Social Security

Though it has been 6-months since our daughter's adoption day I had not yet taken the trip to the social security office to get her new social security card complete with a new number.  I had plenty of excuses all supported by the fact that there aren't very many reasons a 2-year old would need a social security card.  Her old number worked well enough for the things I needed it for and lazy ol' mie just didn't feel like going through the trouble to get a new one just yet.

That is until this past Monday.  I gathered all my documents including her ginormous folder with her entire file from CPS, her adoption decree, and her new birth certificate with none other than yours truly as mother, and found the courage to go down to fight the good fight.  I'd heard so many stories of social security office workers not cooperating in issuing a new number that I really didn't want to deal with the hassle.  Unfortunately our tax situation has become extremely complicated and to fix it I need to get her name changed on her card, and so the journey began.

The first office the website directed mie to was in a really bad part of town.  The second was 35 miles away.  I was sure there was a closer one in a neighborhood where I had a better chance of surviving and sure enough after a little digging and playing with the tool I found the best of both worlds.  After a short drive I found myself sitting in the waiting room with all of 3 other people ahead of mie.  Yet another reason we love Texas instead of California.


I was nervous sitting in that waiting room and when I got called out of the special waiting area to the main lobby I was even more worried that I would find one of the dreaded naysayers rather than a helpful, friendly face.

"I need your identification and your daughter's"
"Will the birth certificate work? I forget which one is the identification.  The adoption decree?"

I start to hand it to her...

"The adoption decree will work, or the immunization record, or (insert 10 more things here)".

"Uh that's ok - here's the adoption decree."

After answering lots of questions and giving her more support she asked the critical questions I was waiting for:

 "Does she know she's adopted?"
"Are either of her adoptive parents her step-parent?  Grandparent?"

Then some more documentation and more typing on her end.

Then she asked two more important questions:

Do you realize the information you are providing will be used to obtain a new social security card for your daughter?


Under penalty of perjury do you attest that the information you are providing is accurate to the best of your knowledge?


Then she gave mie my receipt and said:

"Because you answered no on those questions (the first two) your daughter will be getting a new social security number."

And that was it!  No arguing, fighting, or hopping from window to window to find a helpful individual.

I thanked her profusely.

I should get her card in 2 weeks, they said.  We'll see if it actually has a new number...

I'm linked up today with Thankful Thursday at a Punk, a Pumpkin, and a Peanut.  Come and join the fun!

Thankful Thursday - Surviving Tornados

This week I'm 100% thankful we're alive and that we've been fortunate enough to be spared in the recent Dallas/Fort Worth storms that hit this past Tuesday.

Who knew we'd survive our 4 days of driving only to come home and be threatened by tornados! (That's related to a post coming on Sunday...look for it and maybe you'll chuckle - it really is kind of funny).

If you haven't yet heard of the DFW area tornados that hit on Tuesday, take a look here and here (scroll all the way down).  I've honestly never seen anything like this so close to home.  I grew up in a Tornado-free area and only have lived here as an adult, but even my friends who've lived here their whole lives don't remember seeing anything like this before.  I hear stories of "the fort worth" tornado and with all the coverage this week they've mentioned a 1994 event and something in the 60s/70s, but that is how rare this type of any outbreak appears to be.

I work in a skyscraper downtown but live in the suburbs/rural area.  Sometime after 1pm I started hearing the sirens outside, which was somewhat odd because to that point the forecasters had said we'd have storms in the afternoon but tornados were unlikely.  I was working, not watching the news, so the sirens caught me off-guard.  During storm season they typically test the sirens on Wednesdays at noon, so at first I caught myself thinking it was just a test but quickly realized it wasn't.  After investigating a bit I ended up getting some lunch and then watching the tornado hit the Lancaster area live on tv.  This storm was close enough to where I work and headed in that direction - that is what was causing the sirens.  We watched as it picked up semis like trucks and threw them all over the place.  It was surreal.

Only a few minutes later the building required everyone to evacuate to the stairwells for precaution.  Everyone did so quickly, something I was impressed with, and then we sat in the stairwells connected to smart phones and tablets trying to watch what was going on.  Initially that storm appeared to be heading a bit north east and so I was concerned but not fearful.  I texted my hubby to get up and pay attention to the news, just in case he was ignoring the warnings thinking it was a false alarm.

As we stood in the stairwell it became more apparent that the storm was headed directly over my kids school(s) and my home.  I mean directly - there couldn't have been a more direct path.  Then I was fearful and it was one of the worst feelings.  I was watching a violent storm known to throw big rigs around with what seemed no effort head directly for my family and I couldn't do anything to save them other than pray.  I couldn't go be with them.  I couldn't get to them at all - at this point the storm was between my kids and I - and I didn't know if my husband was taking this seriously at all.  Eventually he let mie know that he was on his way to pick up our forever kids at their school.  Their school is GREAT but the one thing it lacks is a great safe place for the kiddos.  The fosters attend a different school and have a better safe area so we were less worried about them at the time.  As it turns out, my husband was able to get to the kids but not leave with them because of the approaching storm.  At least I knew he was there with them.

We were let out of the stairwell after a while and allowed to return to our desks.  Of course all I could do was watch the news to see how the storm was progressing.  The satellite tv in our break room eventually went out - right before they said a tornado was touching down in the city where my kids go to school.

It was 30 minutes or so before I was able to speak to my husband.  He said the storm still hadn't arrived and he was able to bring the kids home.  He wanted mie to come home right away but as I looked outside it was pitch black with another storm cell coming through.  Nevertheless, he was watching the news and it didn't say there was any danger near mie and the sky was getting less-black so I headed home.  A few minutes later, as I suspected would happen - the storm sirens were going off all around mie and there were tornado warnings to my north, east, south, and west.  Where I was at the time was clear and I couldn't visibly see any tornadoes but I could hear the sirens all around mie and see the storms surrounding mie.  All this while the first storm was still hitting my home area.

As it turns out, the tornadoes around mie while I was headed home was part of the storm that produced the largest tornado (in Forney - an EF3).  This storm passed directly over us as well but we were on the west side of the storm and the tornados were in the center to east sides of the storm.  This means we got rain, wind, and a little bit of hail but not the tornados.  The original storm that produced the tornado in Lancaster did indeed pass over our home as well but there were no touch downs as it did.  All in all there were 2 large tornados within 5 miles or so of my home.

As the storms cleared and the damage was readily visible it became apparent how very fortunate we were.  Our area had minor flooding and some minor debris associated with small branches and trash but many, many families were left with homes that were completely destroyed and uninhabitable.  The devastation is nothing like it was last year in Joplin, MO or other places that saw major storms but to those people who lost their homes I know that it feels as devastating.  Areas are under curfew to keep looters away and maintain safety, but really I'm not certain how much of a risk looters really are at this point.  It has been the most amazing thing to first know that no one was killed but also to see the reactions of our area.  Those directly affected have been expressing their gratitude, not their despair, realizing they were protected by God from further damage.  People not directly affected have mobilized like nothing I've ever seen to help their (distant) neighbors in need with supplies and labor.  I am so blessed to be able to witness this outpouring of love and generosity.

Furthermore - everyone I know felt great love from family and friends who called, texted, and posted messages on facebook checking on us.  Personally I had several relatives and friends text and post on facebook.  I even have a bloggy friend who emailed mie because she knew I was in the area and wanted to check on mie.  I am so thankful for this person in particular - she is a woman of faith and caught mie as the satellite went down and I knew the storms were touching down on top of my husband and kids.  She prayed for us, people she has never met and doesn't know other than through this blog and a few email exchanges and I can't tell you how much this gave mie peace.  And apparently her prayers, ours, and those of others worked as we were spared destruction that is so prevalent nearby.

So today I'm grateful.  Last night my hubby started griping a bit at having to walk further down the hall to pick up our son at church.  Then we reminded ourselves that we have a safe, warm home to go home to and we are all alive and together - then we were grateful for our ability to walk those few extra yards to see our son's sweet smile.

Thankful Thursday - Perspective (& Giveaway!)

I am so glad God has allowed mie to grow and gain a better perspective for life on Earth, what's important and what's not.  We miss out on so much because we get caught up in this world and the pleasure and pain we experience here.  In some ways I think our comfort, success, etc., is a driving force away from Christ and toward our own selfish desires (whether to experience pleasure or avoid pain).

Small Town Joy wrote a good piece on that here yesterday.  Go check it out.

Our small group at church has been reading through Francis Chan's "Crazy Love".  We are almost to the end and I have been very blessed by each chapter.  The core of the message is that there is nothing more important in this life than living 100% for the Almighty God who is both big enough to have created universe upon universe and yet intimately involved with His creation enough to care about each detail. With this in mind, nothing else will ever be as fulfilling or worthwhile, either here or in eternity.  If you haven't read this book- please do so.  If you don't have a copy - stay tuned for a giveaway.

One thing that has stuck out to mie as we've read through the chapters is how much this message has permeated my life over the years.  I didn't necessarily grow up in the church.  I've had plenty of people in my life that have exposed mie to bits and pieces of the true gospel, but even as late as high school I still hadn't had a true appreciation for how holistic God's plan is - He doesn't need mie to help design my own destiny.  In fact, I'm still learning that.  Nevertheless, over the years through trials and tribulations he has pulled mie to Him.  I can't say there has been a single moment that has been more significant than others, more impactful, or more valuable.  Instead I've experienced one thing after another that God has used to grow mie and correct mie and shape mie into what He desires of mie.

I'm a work in progress, I know.

In our recent small group discussion someone mentioned how they look up to mie (and others) as someone who provides an example in their Christian walk.  That is so amazingly humbling.  Who am I?  Just another person who has been granted the opportunity to receive undeserved grace and who is being transformed, little-by-little, to someone who cares more for Christ's mission than my own.

In that same discussion we answered the question - what do you want to be remembered for?  I want to be remembered for doing what Christ asked, and this not about me and how great my choices were (or were not) but that people would know without a doubt that the God I serve is real and worth anything we could ever sacrifice on Earth.

Interested in reading this book?  Well - here's a giveaway for you!

"Crazy Love" Giveaway
I will be giving away a copy of this book by Francis Chan through by drawing a winner from entry participants received by 3/16/12 (That's next Friday folks!).  Want to earn entries?  You have 3 options:

1. Post a comment below with what the phrase "crazy love" means to you.
2. Use my little handy, dandy buttons below to share this post on facebook, tweet on twitter, or create a blog entry about this post & the giveaway.  When you're done, leave a comment letting mie know what you've done.
3. Blog about something (an event, a struggle, etc.) that has altered your perception for the better, then leave a comment with the blog link.

Ok - 3 opportunities to enter!  Get at it :)

I'll announce the winner on 3/19/2012.

*P.S. - This giveaway is 100% supplied by Mie and no one else.  Just so you know.

Thankful Thursday - Austin Ends Well

Austin was rough.  Mighty Rough.  I questioned my worth as a mom and wife for leaving my family without mie.  I questioned my worth in my career for a lot of reasons.

I tend to do these things when I'm alone.  Therefore, I don't let myself be alone often.  Thank you blog community for helping mie not to feel alone even when I'm technically alone sitting at my desk.

As it turns out, spending time away from your kiddos and normal family life on occasion can. be. wonderful.  Yes, I missed them, but despite my heavy concern God managed to take care of them better than I could while I was away.  He managed to help all the kids be good for daddy while I was gone, help daddy have lots of extra patience, and help keep all crazy accidents/incidents/troubles away from the family while I was gone so that things went really, really smoothly.  (And apparently Auntie K lets Logan go into his class "like a big boy" - I still have no idea what that means compared to how I do it but it totally lifted little man's spirits).

Hearing how well my kiddos were doing without mie around and how hubby was handling it all helped lift all the weight off my shoulders.  I was actually able to enjoy Mie Time sans family.  Tuesday morning I went down and spent nearly an hour at the water's edge, just mie and God.  (I have a picture but just imagine sunrise over a hill next to a lake where fish are occasionally jumping but otherwise there was complete serenity.  And an occasional sound of a boat which brought great memories).

I posted on facebook that I.  Was.  Refreshed.

(Good thing too because that day was a killer in terms of work.  That was when the career self-lashing began.)

In general, the work discussions were healthy and enjoyable.  We had LOTS of social time.  Adult social time. A 3 hour restaurant dinner with no children.  Lots of laughter.  (Lots of alcohol, by others, not mie, which made things interesting).  Lots of yummy food.  Lots of sleep.  Catching up on 2 weeks worth of Desperate Housewives.  And a run - yes, I even got to go on a run in the hills of the Lakeway (???) community where we were staying.  (During which I heard sirens - later I was told that the sirens were responding to an accidental emergency call to not only the police, but also the firefighters, and the ambulances, by my coworkers who were simply trying to adjust the "thermostat" because it was too warm inside.  Classic.)

But no taxes.

I didn't realize how refreshing the whole trip was until I arrived at home.  My hubby decided to let us go out as a family to our local all-you-can-eat pizza joint, a family tradition of sorts, so that we could reconnect and have fun celebrating mommy's return.  With 4 kids 1, 2, 3, and 5 this is often quite an exhausting task.  Managing the food and drink demands, restroom demands, "MOM can I go play the games NOW?" demands, and keeping everyone in their seat this trip is usually quite daunting.  Instead of being stressed I was completely relaxed and completely ready to meet the needs of all my kiddos and hubby willingly with a genuine smile on my face.  I was home with them. I'd missed them.  Now we were together again.

I also have had the opportunity to have lots of conversations with a few people about my career and although some of them were hard to have in the end it has been very helpful and God has redeemed that too.  I still don't know what's up His sleeve in this area, but I feel refreshed in the moment I'm in and that's all I needed for now.

So, as it turns out, maybe going away from the family for a bit is a good thing on occasion.  It had been probably 3 1/2 years since I'd spent time away from them for any longer than my workday, and maybe we all needed just a little bit of that.  It doesn't have to happen often, but maybe it's ok if I allow it occasionally.

And I did eventually get my taxes done.  I'll tell you about that on Monday (no promises).

By the way, I have my first contributor post up today at Foster2Forever.  Go check it out~!