Daddy's Dream - Is it THE dream?

My husband and I do not sleep in the same bed at the same time regularly, only 1-2 times a week.  It is a rare treat when we do get to actually sleep next to each other and wake up next to each other.  It is certainly one of those things you take for granted if you get that experience all the time.  For us, it has been rare for most of our marriage.

Nevertheless I still know that we are different when it comes to dreams.  I remember every detail of my dreams.  In part it has to do with the way my memory works and in part because of narcolepsy.  My husband on the other hand rarely remembers his dreams.  We've been married nearly 11 years and I think I can count on one hand how many dreams he's told me about (and I've asked!).  Usually they're nightmares...we all have them.

When we woke up this morning he immediately said "I had the worst dream last night".  This is what he described, from his perspective:

For some reason we were staying with my dad (his childhood home).  You and the kids were all gone to a party or something and me and Baby Baby were home by ourselves.  I saw a crack in the wall and went to go check it out in the backyard.  When I looked out there I saw it was really, really stormy.  There was a lot of rain and wind.

At this point I thought he was going to tell me that I was in a car accident with the kids and we died.  But he didn't.

It was really bad, the flood waters were rising and it was getting worse.  I went to check on Baby Baby who was sleeping in (my youngest brother's old room).  I could tell the front half of the house was ripping off.  By the time I got there the bedroom was almost completely gone and half of the crib was gone.  I reached in and grabbed him just in time.

I don't know if you believe in supernatural things like prophetic dreams.  I certainly do but not to the point I think every.single.dream is a message from God himself. 

However.  In this case I wonder.

This dream precisely describes our case right now (except maybe my husband's dad's place...).  There is a fierce storm going on.  This is definitely the hardest case I've had and will be one that is fought to the end (I think).  Our kids are safe in our home for what feels like once in their life.  Our children are healing in a way that I can't describe unless you're there.  Baby Baby knows no other parents.  He doesn't.  The kids do not want to go live with their birth family.  They pray about it every night (on their own, not because I tell them to).  On Sunday, one of my children woke up and randomly asked mie "Is this the day I get to go talk to the judge?".  When I said no (where would he get that idea?) he said "awww...I REALLY WANT TO!".  They have had a couple visits canceled recently and they get excited about it.  Everyone "on the kids' side" seems to be in favor of them staying with us (and NOT going home) and the official case plan is termination with unrelated adoption.  Yet, every momentum in this case so far has pushed toward reunification.  Everything I hear from everyone involved along with the way visits have been handled and it appears the judge has leaned (though I haven't been there myself to hear it every week) is that the kids WILL be sent home.  The storm has been brewing for a while and rages on outside the quiet (!!!) safe life we've tried to setup in our home.

Last Friday I got word that something happened in the case that dramatically pushed the likelihood they'll be going home MUCH closer.   I really wish I could share more.  It left me fairly confident (though still not hopeless!) that the kids would be leaving within the next couple weeks, possibly even this weekend.  My heart has been torn in two all weekend.  Caring for these children - watching them make plans for the fall - knowing at some point when I get final confirmation I'll have to break the news that they'll be leaving and heading to a place where they don't feel safe and I don't have confidence they'll actually be safe. 

The storm continues to strengthen but now the flood waters rise and our children are in imminent danger.

Then there's the dream.  Not sure why it was just Baby Baby and not all of them.  The end was very clear though...my husband got there just in time to save him from the storm. 

I don't know what the future of this case holds.  There is no firm, agreed to plan.  People involved are tight-lipped.  I know what I want and I feel like I know what these kids need and yet the fight is on to save them.  We're doing everything in our power but now it is not up to us.  Our hearts and more importantly these children are completely vulnerable.  It has been very, very difficult.

But in the dream....daddy saves Baby Baby.  It was the last minute.  But daddy saves him.

I learned today from folks in the case that return does not appear to be as imminent as it did on Friday.  In fact, several changes in visits and court hearings leads me to believe we've taken a few steps back from return altogether.  This information was shocking.

This journey has been described several times as a roller coaster.  This one will not be over until it is really over.  Up and down, twist this way and that, upside down, up and down. 

Father, I do hope this dream was a promise to us that you will save our babies, even if it is at the last minute, though we'd ask that you save them now before the danger gets way too close. 

Tuesday's Tears: When You Should be Sad but You're Not (Really)

There were a couple things that happened in my life today that made me really rethink my heart, compassion fatigue, and my concern for people in general.  As foster parents, I believe it is important for us to stop and check our hearts for too much hardening.  It's easy to get jaded or start looking out for #1 (our own personal interests) more than the interests of the creator and those may not always be the same thing.  I don't want to be jaded.  I want to continue to show compassion to the people in my life, all of them, as much as possible.

There was a death in my family yesterday.  I was only mildly sad, in part because I knew it was coming, in part because I was hoping it brought relief to my relative and my relative's caregivers, and in part because I didn't know this particular relative well at all.  Not knowing a relative well (or at least decently well) is somewhat foreign in my very large but relatively close-knit family, but this particular relative is one of 2-3 that I could identify that I never really knew.  So generally I'm not sad, not like I was when my uncle was murdered a few years ago or how I would be if anyone else in my family passed away.  I am, however, sad that I'm not sad.  Does that make sense?  I wish the situation were different for many reasons, that he had led a life where I would have had a role, that I would have known him more, that my family would have felt supported by me more during this process.  That is what I care about at this point, that and how my dad is feeling about this latest death in his family.

There was also interesting things happening in the kids case yesterday.  I'm trying to really limit what I put out here about this case even though it is by nature more or less anonymous anyway (which is why you don't see our kid count anymore - it's still here, behind the scenes).  There were more missed visits this week, a legal situation during the one visit that did happen which promises to complicate future visits.  Oh the mixed feelings.  On one hand, I hate that my kids had to experience what they had to experience during their visit - there are certainly worse things that could have happened and generally they were safe but they shouldn't have to experience stuff like that.  No kid should.  We shouldn't be talking about what worse could have happened you know?  I also feel bad for the parent that this situation happened.  Sometimes there's just bad luck.  Sometimes there's bad luck combined with bad choices.  This is one of those cases (so it seems) - if the bad choices weren't there then the bad luck wouldn't be so bad - but still, I do feel bad for the parent and the kids that this is a negative in the situation.  At the same time, I'm hopeful that this is what it takes to get the tide turned in favor of the KIDS who need permanency.  There were actually several things about the last visit that *should not* look favorable for the parent but it's hard to say how they will actually affect the case.  One thing is clear - yet another set of visits was canceled and that could push the people involved to be more supportive of termination and quality permanency.  I'm hoping.  I feel bad that I'm happy that there was this point of failure for the parent because I genuinely do support reunification and never ever want kids to be separated from their family when they can be reunified safely.  I just haven't seen that "reunified safely" thing work in even 10% of my kids lives.  2/24 kids have been reunified "permanently" with the family they were removed from.  That's it.  Several have happy endings but I just haven't seen it work well very often and the "evidence" in this case is like those that weren't successful, not like those that were. 

Our kids decided they wanted to change their names last night.  They initiated the conversation (knowing Summer's name was changed when she was adopted - when the judge said she could stay forever).  It seemed to be their way of letting us know they want to stay forever, after the crazy of their visit (but we didn't talk about it that way).  They were all excited about their new names and then dropped the bomb - they were going to tell their parent about their new names when they saw them next.  *Insert screeching car sound here*  We put our foot down and had to stop their fun, insisting they be called their actual name not their selected name until the judge tells them they can change their name.  On one hand I want them to be able to daydream about whatever they want to daydream about.  On the other hand I don't want to be accused of trying to steal these kids or even trying to change their names (that has not, at all, been something my hubby and I have been involved with - we will only even consider that with any reality when everyone in the case is aligned on termination and a trial happens or a voluntary agreement is signed...that's it).  I don't want anyone to think we're trying to sabotage the parent's attempts to reunify because we're not.  BUT, the kids - what about what they want?  When does that count?

So today I'm taking inventory. I  don't really have good answers about what I *should* be feeling.  There are always mixed emotions in foster care and in life in general.  I'm glad I don't have to have all the answers.

Foster Parent Friday - More on Appointments...

Q: Do you have to do a ton of appointments right away because the kids are normally sick?

A: Yes we have a ton of appointments right away and yes the kids are normally sick. That being said, the “ton of appointments” isn’t usually related to the kids being sick. Let’s untangle all of that.

Kids are Usually Sick

My experience has been that kids entering foster care are often sick. Of my 8 kiddos, here’s how the sickness broke down:

#1 – Complained of “tee-tee” hurting and wouldn’t go to the bathroom. I think it was nerves and fear but I had to get it checked out. She also had a mild respiratory infection. Needed anti-biotics.
#2 – Double ear-infection & bad upper respiratory infection. Needed antibiotics and breathing treatments.
#3 – I don’t remember him being sick at all.
#4 – Many, many ringworms, bad diaper rash, upper respiratory infection, and ear infection. She also had several follow-up appointments for things related to her case including a sleep-study, an MRI, and a pediatric urologist. She didn’t need any of those things, that’s part of her case, but I had to take her anyway.
#5 – mild respiratory infection, allergy related
#6 – mild respiratory infection and pretty good reflux.
#7 – might have had a cough, but otherwise ok.
#8 – respiratory infection

So, yes, they often come into care ill. All of my cases have been neglect (vs. abuse) and so it goes to reason that their medical care had been neglected as well. That being said, all who were ill came to us with medication except #4, and even she had some nasty old medication, so they were getting some medical care. If anything I found that I couldn’t trust what they were prescribed. After visiting the doctor, I was able to cut out at least half of their “regular” medications because they weren’t necessary, or at least they weren’t necessary all of the time.

Ton O' Placements
Yes, you need to take them to the doctor if they are sick, just like you would your biological/adopted kiddos. But those appointments are not what I’d consider “placement appointments” which make up most of the work in the initial few weeks. Placement appointments for an emergency placement include:

1. Initial placement with caseworker/investigator – Day 1 – takes about 30-60 minutes to do all the paperwork, get the kiddos situated, bring in their stuff, etc. 
2. Initial parent visit – usually visits aren’t mandated by the court until after the 14 day hearing, but the caseworker often tries to schedule a visit before then. So in the first week on top of everything else you have to remember there will be at least one visit, probably two, and they will be either 1 or 2 hours each, depending on the kiddos.
3. Initial doctor visit – 14-21 days – this has to be scheduled ASAP otherwise you can’t get into the doctor within that timeline. It’s 14 days for an infant, 21 days for all others. With that little notice at a Medicaid doctor you get what you get for appointments, you don’t necessarily get to choose a great one. With Medicaid there’s also an initial survey thing that has to be done at the doctors which takes a little while especially with trying to manage little kids in the waiting room. You also usually have no idea what to answer since you’ve known the kids for all of a few days. Things like “can they count to ten” – you end up asking the kiddo because otherwise you haven’t figured that out yet. Don’t forget the extra time involved in trying to track down the Medicaid number, shot records, and other medical history ahead of this appointment. That can be a beast.
4. OH, speaking of Medicaid – you have to do the online intake Medicaid appointment. Someone from the Medicaid office calls and does a medical history interview with you. Again, you have no medical history usually so you take your best guess. They do an initial screening – what are your concerns, etc., then schedule for a deeper screening. Between the two of these you usually have at least an hour invested.
5. Initial dentist – the child has to have a dentist appointment within 60 days of coming into care. This works just like the first doctor visit – you have to answer all their questions and usually have none of the answers. Also, if you have an baby from 6 months – 2 years old you usually get laughed at – most people don’t take their kids to the dentist that young, whether or not they should, so they’re not used to parents bringing in a toothless 6 month old. Thankfully I have a great dentist but there are still complications involved. 
6. ECI – Early Child Intervention – Because we usually take preschool or younger, we often (always) have to do an early childhood intervention evaluation. ECI is great because they provide so many services the children in foster care often need to help delays often caused by neglect, like speech, developmental, or other delays. You usually have a 30-45 minute intake appointment where you fill out paperwork and express your concerns and then you have the evaluation, which often takes about 90 minutes. At these appointments again you get all the questions you don’t have answers to, like when they first sat up, etc., but at least they spend enough time with the kiddos to find out for themselves how advanced/delayed the kiddos are in a wide-variety of areas. You get a lot out of these appointments, so it’s worth it. Except that you get tired of the things they have to tell you and give you – I can’t tell you how many ECI booklets I have and how many times they’ve had to tell me that I don’t have to take the services and I can opt out at any time, that I can get an interpreter, etc. Once screening & evaluation happens, they often qualify and start receiving therapy – mine has usually been 1-2 hours per week, but they often do that at daycare.
7. 14-day hearing – there is often a court hearing where the judge hears the evidence and confirms or denies temporary orders to give CPS temporary managing conservatorship. I like to attend these early hearings so I can meet everyone involved in the case, including the parents and their attorneys. It’s always worked out for me and the kiddos to do that. You as a foster parent don’t have to attend, but I recommend it.
8. Initial permanency conference – this usually happens around the same time as the 14-day hearing and as a foster parent you are supposed to be notified and be able to attend, but I have had cases where I wasn’t notified or there wasn’t a permanency conference this early on. Highly, highly recommended to attend if at all possible. This is when everyone gets together to discuss what’s going to happen to the child while in care. You learn what the issues are in the case (at least some), what services the parents are attending, what everyone is thinking regarding permanency (which means you find out if there are kinship placements they are looking into), and you get to speak about what you know about the child – one of the few times you get to formally advocate for the child. There is often a follow-up permanency conference at 5 months.
9. 9 – Initial ad-litem visit – how do you know there is a court-hearing coming up? The ad-litem calls to visit. Here I’m specifically talking about the AAL, the attorney ad-litem, which may or may not be the same as the GAL, the guardian ad-litem. I’m not going to get into that today. But, point is, the child’s attorney often wants to come visit early in the case to meet the child they’re representing and get to know the foster parent a little bit.
10. 10 – Initial CASA visit – CASA is great but not available or assigned on all cases. I’ve had a CASA appointed to 2 of my 6 kiddos that were with me for awhile. I believe #5 & #6 had one, but they weren’t with us long enough to meet him/her. #1 & #2 along with #7 & #8 did not have a CASA, which in these two cases is a shame. They both could have used one. They were cases from the same county, and apparently in that county there is a shortage. I’ve heard CASA in that county is run differently than the other counties around – maybe that has something to do with it. The CASA visit is just like the initial AAL visit, but usually more warm and more in-depth. Depending on the county, CASA visits 1-2 times per month. I’ve loved our CASAs. By the way, per #9 – when a CASA is assigned that person is usually the GAL – guardian ad-litem.
11. 11 – Initial legal CW visit - If it is an emergency placement, chances are you initially worked with a CPS investigator – this is the CW that placed the child with you and was involved in investigating the initial case. After the 14-day hearing, the investigator goes away and a legal caseworker is assigned. Both are CPS employees, they just serve different roles. So, usually the CPS legal-worker likes to begin his/her visits shortly after the 14-day hearing.

So yes, there are a lot of appointments to manage in the initial few weeks of a case. If you’re more experienced (or just organized in general) you can make many of them happen on the same day and just stack up appointments, which is helpful for a working mama. Also, when you get used to all of this you start knowing when you can push back on appointment requests to make things more manageable. It also helps when you’re more experienced because it’s likely you have a doctor, dentist, and even ECI team that you’re used to working with so they know you and the challenges you face in getting all these appointments scheduled in such a tight timeframe – they typically work with you. It makes it much, much easier that way.

#7 & #8 were not emergency placements - they came to us from another foster home, which meant several of these appointments were not necesary - that was nice.

If your child goes to daycare because you work full-time, there is a whole additional component that needs to happen. We’ll talk about daycare on the next installment of Foster Parent Fridays. I have a lot to say on foster-child daycare and a few of you have asked how that works.

See you next week!

Tuesday's Tears - Impending Goodbye

So much happened over the last week.  I need to catch you up on all of it.  But I also have to catch-up on a lot at work and home too, so I'll have to do some of it over time.  One such example - Little Miss decided that she wanted to and could climb out of her crib.  A lot.  Thankfully so far she hasn't learned to climb out of her crib at home, but we'll need to start thinking of converting her crib to a toddler bed - or maybe not...

Mid-week last week we had a special permanency conference for #7 and #8.  I had to attend by phone because I was out of state attending my uncle's service, but at least I was able to attend by phone and hear what was going on.  Based on previous conversations with folks in the case I expected this conference to result in a discussion about termination and long-term plans, either with us or elsewhere.  Instead, when one attorney said something to the affect of wanting return-to-monitor but "the state won't agree to that", the state responded by saying "actually we will". 

I'm glad I was on the phone.  I'm sure the look on my face wasn't pleasant.  I'm glad I was able to process that in a locked room by myself without having to control my reaction.  I was shocked.  Return-to-monitor typically means the children will return to the people who they were removed from (usually mom and dad) but the state will remain involved in the case.  Depending on the issues in the case, that might mean frequent visits from the caseworker, random drug tests, counseling, etc.  In some cases this is the first step toward reunifying the family before dismissing the case.  In other cases, this is a chance to let the parents screw up for themselves when the case isn't quite strong enough to go for termination.  I know - that sounds horrible and as a foster parent it's almost unbearable to know that you could be returning your children to a place where it's expected they won't receive good enough care.  I'm glad  I know they do that though because it helps to make more sense of the system when kids are returned home when it doesn't seem like they should. 

I don't know what the intention is, overt or hidden, with this case.  I have to choose to believe that no matter who in the state is in control, how good the parents are or are not, and how I think it will help or hurt the kids, God is in control and he loves them more than I or anyone else ever could.

I have a fear about the end of this case that I think will make it much harder than any of the previous cases.  I am so unbelieavably afraid for how this will affect the kiddos, especially #7.  As I thought through his case and what I know about his history, I realized that in at least 3 of the 4 years, he has had no more than 6 months of life in any one place with any one set of parents.  He's really struggled with learning what "home" means.  We had conversations for weeks about the difference between "visiting" and "living" because to him they were the same.  He struggled so much with the concept of home and where he lived.  Every night I'd spend about 20 minutes talking with him at his age-level about who is in his life, where he lives, where he'd like to live, and his feelings about it all.

At some point he got the idea that he wanted to have our last name.  We had been talking about Little Miss's adoption for a while and changing her name and I think he picked up on that.  Of course then I mentioned that if he had our last name, he wouldn't live with his family anymore and he struggled with that.  He wanted to be a part of our family and a part of his family.  Who would blame the poor guy.

At some later point - around the time his attorney visited last - he decided that he no longer wanted to live anywhere but with us.  He wanted to live with us.  When he would say that I'd remind him that he loved his mommy and daddy and they loved him and that living here with us meant he couldn't live there with them.  He has since consistently said that's what he wants, but that he wants to visit them.  I know he looks forward to his visits and I know that he loves being with his parents so I'm guessing if they have their act together enough for the state to send him (and his sister) home that he will eventually be ok with not seeing us anymore.  That being said, right now stability in his life is so important and it feels like there is a no win situation.  He has learned to trust that we will provide for his needs and give him a safe loving home.  The idea of leaving our home makes him anxious and upset.  We've taught him that when we go (to work, etc.) that we will always come back.  We've taught him we will take care of him as long  as he needs us to.  We've taught him that we love him and that he's important.  Now, he's facing leaving and never coming back. 

We have anywhere from 2-4 weeks to prepare him for what's in-store.  I could spend that time not doing anything and then that last day just saying goodbye and "shocking him" with "sending him away".  Or, I could spend that time preparing him for what's to come, which inherently means that I tell him he will be going away and not coming back (in age appropriate language) and getting him used to the idea.  I prefer the latter.  I think that will be better for him.  I can be there for him by helping him in the transition.

The problem is, I started by asking him about what he thought about living with his mom and dad.  He got very upset and said no, he lived here and that he wants to visit but he wants to live here.  I asked him how he felt if he could go live with his mom again (trying to make it an exciting and happy thing) and with his verbal and non-verbal reactions it was very clear that he was getting anxious at the idea.  He was very much against it.

I think this is going to make this one of the hardest send-offs yet.  I don't have a relationship with the parents yet to try and make the transition smoothe.  I get the impression that I'm part of the enemy to them.  I don't think the idea that he wants to stay here would make them like me anymore.  If sending him home is the right thing I want to do it, but I want to make it as easy as possible on him and I just don't know how to do it in this case.  I'm going to send him home and just have to hope and pray that he will be getting what he needs going forward to adjust.  I'm going to have to live with the knowledge that he will feel at least temporarily that I abandoned him, that I didn't want him here, that he wasn't welcome as part of our family, that I too have failed him.

I hope that his parents do a great job and realize how difficult this has been not only on them but also on their kids.  I hope that they can be strong parents that can quickly meet all of his needs in the transition and that he quickly learns to trust them and be healthy there.  I really, really hope that it works that way. 

Tuesday's Tears - Termination of Parental Rights

With everything that happens in the foster care system there are a lot of tears to shed.  Hopefully the most obvious to you is the stories we hear about the children and what they've been through.  Then there are the stories of the foster families who give up so much of their hearts caring for children only to see them go back to the families that once abused or neglected them bad enough to get them removed from the home, which in my experience so far takes a lot.  But there are other tears to cry that may not be so obvious.


We have no qualms about sharing that when we intended to get into foster care we did so in the hopes that we'd quickly find a sibling group to adopt and after that happened we'd stop.  My husband used to say "We'll do that 2-3 times and if it doesn't work out we'll go toward straight adoption".  I've mentioned before that once again God surprised us in His plans for us in that we really love the foster care part too - it has changed from something that we once did just to get through to adoption to something we've been called to do, at least for this season of our life.

Termination of parental rights is the step in the foster-adopt process where a biological parent loses all rights.  They no longer become the parent in the eyes of the law.  This sometimes happens by way of mutual decision (parents "sign over" rights) or sometimes biological parents fight the process tooth and nail.  Regardless, when termination occurs the decision is final (pending appeal of course) and permanent.  The next step for a child is to find a permanent home through adoption or other type of permanent custodial situation.  You'd think if one of our cases were to go to the point of termination (meaning, in most cases, we'd get the first chance to adopt the child) we'd be celebrating, particularly in light of why we got into this ministry. 

The truth is termination makes my heart break.  Don't get me wrong - I think it is absolutely necesary in certain cases and certainly something I look forward to when we get our "forever kids" in our home.  But the weight of that decision weighs heavily on me.  Not that it's mine to make, but being a part of it still makes my heart grieve.  Of course I grieve for the lost purpose - the intended design for parents to provide Christ-like parenting to each of their biological children.  Sure, I grieve for the child, who has had to experience this challenge in their life and who will have to someday wrestle with the idea that their biological parents "didn't want them", "at least not enough to do what it takes".  But in these cases I know that a) Christ is a redeemer and can be trusted with the children's future and b) Christ can be trusted to provide good alternative parents to them.

What I struggle with the most at that point is the broken heart of a mother.  I grieve for the parents who've lost their children forever.  Sure they may deserve it - this isn't the type of grief that makes me feel guilty for the termination or feel like it's so sad so we should give them their children back - but it's a permanent thing that can't be reversed, ever.  My mother's heart chooses to believe that for these parents, especially the mothers, they love their children and for that reason alone this may be an unrecoverable blow.  If I lost my biological son for some reason, though I know God would have his hand in my life, I feel like my heart would die.  If I could never see him again, or if he could never see me again, this is unfathomable. 

We've had a few cases head toward termination.  In one case the child stopped having visits with the parents only a little while after he/she came into care (joined our home).  I remember the day I got the call from the caseworker vividly - when she told me this child's visits were being canceled because the parents weren't showing up, rather than being elated that this indeed maybe headed toward termination and perhaps adoption for us, I was devastated.  This child may never see the parents again, ever.  These parents may never see this child again, ever.

And I shed a few tears.  Months later there indeed has been 1 more visit.  And now for every visit we may have in the future I'm reminded that indeed that one may be the very last time.  And my heart breaks for the child.  And my heart breaks for the parents, even if it is the right thing to do.

Foster Parent Friday - Q2: Do the parents come to your house?

Q: Do they get to see their parents?  Do the parents come to your house?

A: No.  I couldn't say that strong enough.  How about absolutely not.  Which of course begs the question then, where do they see their parents?

First, let me explain a little bit about visitation.  In most cases biological parents are allowed to see their children while they are in foster care during supervised visitations.  These visits are regularly mandated by the court and generally involve 60 minutes each week, except in the case of an infant (<12 months) who might get more time, maybe 2 - 60 minute visits.  Of course, this setup is different by judge, caseworker, and frankly, case.  Typically, the visits are limited to mother and father but occasionally extended family are allowed to participate.  Siblings who are not in foster care or who are in foster care in another home are often afforded visits too.  In my experience, the courts and CPS go out of their way to make visits happen and it is fairly rare for parents to be denied visits completely.  In my experience, visits are only canceled when parents continuously refuse to show for their visitation (in which case the children are brough to the visit location in anticipation of seeing their parents who never show) or when parents rights are terminated.  Parents are required to abide by certain rules during visitation including things like avoiding physical discipline and maintaing sobriety during the visit.  In two of our cases, parents have had separate visits, meaning 2 visits per week for the kids throughout the case.  We've also had one case where the parents had visits for a while but were canceled a few months into it because they were unable to show up regularly.  Visits are a vital part of foster care as they maintain family relationships which help in reunification.  In the cases where children don't end up going home, visits can be a positive part of setting up new bonds with new families.

Visits most frequently happen at CPS offices, sometimes called child advocacy centers (in Texas, each county is run differently).  These offices have visitation rooms setup with toys and space for parents to play with their children.  In some cases they have two way mirrors so caseworkers or other supervisors can watch without interfering with the visit while in others they caseworker must sit in the doorway to make sure things are going well.  I gather that during these visits the caseworkers/supervisors take notes and watch the interaction with the kids to make sure they are ok and interacting positively.

Occasionally visits might happen at other locations, depending on the case and the situation. For example, if a case is going well a caseworker may agree to allow the parents to have a visit at a park or a fast-food restaurant play area to celebrate the child's birthday.  The majority of visits though are done at the offices.

It is important to note though that one of the reasons biological parents don't come to the foster parents house, in typical situations, is that foster parents have the right to anonymity for the safety of their family and the child.   In most cases, all involved do their best to keep foster parent information safe, so if biological families have foster parent information (like their last names, addressees, occupations/employers, etc.) it is a very big deal.  That being said, there are exceptions.  This brings up two more questions we are commonly asked - "How do they get to visits?" and "Do you see their parents?".  These will have to wait for another Friday.