Tuesday's Tears - WAAAAAHHHHH

*Small Town Joy - I'm here...thanks for asking!*

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since my last post.  I think about posting everyday - I've just not been able to.  There is SO much going on right now.

Work is extremely busy.  I can't really tell you what I'm doing, but let's just say it is A LOT!!!

#13 went home a few weeks ago.
#12 is most likely going home this weekend but, as usual, I won't know until Thursday.
#11 is still with us and is a kiddo we want to keep forever.  We're waiting on a homestudy for a relative.  Because of the circumstances, I can't imagine him NOT going there, whether it is right for him or not.  It makes me really, really sad.

Our son's birthday just passed.  Our daughter's is coming up.  All of our kiddos will have birthdays in the next couple weeks.  There is a gigantic birthday party planned in a couple weeks.  Before then I will celebrate my 31st birthday.

We've all had pink eye.  Some of us have had it twice.

One of our kids came down with the stomach flu last night.  You know how that goes.

Then there's my dissertation.  I'm trying to graduate this semester.  To do so I need to have my dissertation finished and defended by the last week of October.  My defense date is scheduled for the 18th.  I have to give the final paper to my committee by the 5th.

3 weeks ago I got the best news - my major professor said I handled it like "a rockstar".  He had minor pieces of feedback, which I corrected, then I sent it to the editor.  As far as I knew, I had time to make minor changes but more or less I was done and headed to graduation. 

2 weeks ago I was asked to run it by another professor.  She couldn't get me feedback until last Thursday.

Her feedback was to start over.

So last Thursday I was told I need to start over and if I want to graduate I need to do it all within 8 days. 

I now have 3 days left.

I know I can't do it.

My major professor thinks I can make some changes but not start over and I'll still graduate this semester.

My other professor doesn't agree.  The 3rd professor in the mix says he doesn't know what I need to do yet.  Maybe he'll tell me in a few days.

My dissertation is due in 3 days.

I have never felt like I "can't" do something so much like I feel know.  If this happens it is all because of God.

I've cried a lot.  Hope and I are not on speaking terms.  I'm not great with hope.  Hope is there so I'll be working my tail off, knowing I can't do it in the end, and yet still hoping. 

My husband and I agree that if I don't graduate this semester I'll probably be dropping out.  That really sucks considering I have almost nothing left.  Just this giant mound. 

So - that is where I am.  I'm putting on birthday parties and cleaning up vomit (again).  I'm working 10-12 hours a day for work and then another 4-5 on the dissertation.  Did I mention I had strep throat over the weekend?  There was that too.

On the bright side my hubby and I have our 10th anniversary coming up to a tropical location.  Super excited.  Hopefully I'll go after successfully defending my dissertation but if that doesn't work out at least I know there's a beach, a nightime ride down a volcano, and uninterrupted time with my hubby in our near future.